The Lawns - episode 2

Title - A Clear Message

The Lawns �" tales from a summer school

by T M Atkinson

EPISODE 2 �" A CLEAR MESSAGE

(Show all teachers in the staff room quietly preparing for

the days lessons, but Verona and Jack are arguing very loudly.

Teachers are trying to ignore it, but can't help but listen to it.

The argument between Jack and Verona is all about something

that happened between the two of them last night �" the argument

is improvised.)

VERONA:

And don't Facebook my sister again!

(Verona storms off leaving Jack stood there. Everyone else

stares at him)

JACK:

Did you hear that?

(All other teachers shake their heads and murmur no as they

carry with their preparation)

END OF SCENE

(Cut to show the students lining up outside and there is a bus

waiting for them. Nina, Sarah, Andy and Zack are with them.

Mike and Norman are walking towards the bus.)

NARRATOR:

Its a split day at Stepan-Briggs. That means that half of the

students are in lessons all day, while the other half are on an

educational visit. Today, the students are going to York and

Norman Bridge is anxious that the students get off on time.

(Cut to Norman and Mike walking together)

NORMAN:

I want to make sure that today goes without a hitch. I want

the kids to really enjoy themselves, but I want us to stick to a

strict time limit. They have to be back by five ready for the football

tournament tonight.

1

MIKE:

Don't worry about it Norm. I've got my best staff on it, plus

Zack. I'll make sure he stays in line.

NORMAN:

On pain of death. I want you to stay here and sort out this

tournament and I'll give the money to Sarah. Now, I want you

to fix it so our team wins. I'm sick of Spain winning everything.

MIKE:

You can count on me. We will be unbeatable.

NORMAN:

(to students) OK, everyone on the bus.

(Everyone runs towards the bus. The staff come as well)

NORMAN:

(to Sarah) Sarah, here's the money for the Jorvik centre and after

that, give them free time to shop, but back for five please, no later.

SARAH:

You can trust me.

MIKE:

And Zack, keep your hands where we can see them.

ZACK:

I told you. It was an accident. She sat on my hand first.

MIKE:

Andy, he sits next to you and you don't let him out of your sight.

(Everyone gets on the bus and it drives off. Mike and

Norman start walking back towards the centre)

NARRATOR:

Fun for one group means lessons for the others.

END OF SCENE

(Show Katie in a class teaching a group of students.

She has written they're, there and their on the board)

2

KATIE:

OK, so lets recap...(pointing to they're) who can put this word

into a correct sentence for me?

(Students put up hands. Katie picks one)

STUDENT 1:

They're going to the cinema.

KATIE:

Very good...(pointing to their) what about this word?

(Students put up hands. Katie picks one)

STUDENT 2:

The children take their dog for a walk.

KATIE:

Excellent sentence...(pointing to there) and finally, this word...

(Students put up hands. Katie picks one)

STUDENT 3:

The field is over there.

KATIE:

It certainly is. Good work everyone, you've earned a ten minute

break.

(Students talk to each other. David enters the classroom and goes

up to Katie)

DAVID:

Katie, do you have the text book for the advanced levels?

KATIE:

I think its in the staff room.

DAVID:

No worries. I'll get it after lunch.

(Carl enters the classroom)

3

CARL:

Howdy partners, do we have any decent props?

KATIE:

Why do you need props Carl?

CARL:

For my word challenge, we're using music to help with

pronunciation.

DAVID:

What music are you using Carl?

CARL:

Its raining men. We've got dances and everything. Of

course, I'm leading. Why don't you come and watch?

KATIE:

This I've got to see...(turns to students) Everyone, we're going

to go and watch Carl's group and what they've come up with.

(All students get up and walk over to Carl's class. David's class

is there too. Katie and David stand at the back. Carl goes to the

front of the class)

CARL:

OK, everyone, remember to follow the words to help with your

pronunciation and get ready to see the greatest dance in the

world!

(Carl puts the music on. He starts dancing and miming the words

as the song continues. Some students record it on their phones,

some look in shock. David and Katie stand stunned at the back.

Carl fades the music out after a minute and some of the students

applaud him.)

CARL:

OK, despite the fact that that was one of the most entertaining

things you've ever seen, what have you learnt from that activity?

(Short pause �" a student puts us hand)

STUDENT:

That British people can't dance?

4

KATIE:

Correct answer. Right, everyone back to their own classes

please.

(Students leave the class)

END OF SCENE

(Cut to the bus on the move. Students are talking to each

other. Andy, Zack, Nina and Sarah are sat on the front seats.

Sarah is playing with her phone.)

NARRATOR:

Back on the coach, the group is approaching York, but the

staff have other things on their mind.

NINA:

Mike still texting you?

SARAH:

Yep, here's the latest one...You're like a parking

ticket, because you've got FINE written all over you.

NINA:

Pass me the bucket! That's terrible! When are you going

to tell him you're not interested anymore?

SARAH:

When I've got enough chat up lines to write a comedy act

with! He's just a sad, little man.

NINA:

I got that impression of him and he spoke just two words

to me.

SARAH:

What did he say?

NINA:

Floury baps! (pause) Is there anyone else you're interested

in?

SARAH:

Nina! I don't need to be interested in anyone.

5

NINA:

You seemed friendly with that teacher, Tom.

SARAH:

Yeah, he's a good friend.

NINA:

And that's all he is? A friend?

(Sarah brushes her hair. Her phone goes off for a text message.)

SARAH:

Can you take me to the bakery? I want a cutiepie like you!

ZACK:

I am better at chat up lines than Mike. I'll send you one.

(Zack types a message into his phone. Sarah's phone

goes off and she reads the text)

SARAH:

I want to chat you?

ZACK:

F*****g auto-correct!

END OF SCENE

(Cut to a scene in the dining hall. Students are queuing for their

lunch. Carl, Ian, David and Katie are sat down on a table eating.

Tom comes to join them)

NARRATOR:

Back at the Lawns and its lunch time and a chance for the

teachers to re-energise themselves ready for the afternoon.

DAVID:

Alright Tom?

TOM:

No! I've had it up to here with irregular verbs.

IAN:

Still, only another three hours to go.

6

TOM:

Great! Three hours on “the comma!”

DAVID:

You should have been in Carl's lesson.

CARL:

Oh yes. It was an eye opening experience.

KATIE:

I'll say.

TOM:

What did you do?

CARL:

Correct pronunciation using music.

TOM:

And what was the song, he says with a sense of dread!

CARL:

Its raining men!

IAN:

Oh good God!

CARL:

I was dancing and singing. The students loved it.

DAVID:

I didn't see it that way Carl.

TOM:

Suppose it would have been a lot stranger if you'd

have put on 'Man! I feel like a woman!'

IAN:

Speaking of that, anyone seen our number one couple

since this morning?

TOM:

Charles and Diana? They'll be on Jeremy Kyle by now!

7

(Verona and Jack's voices are heard arguing from behind

the teachers. The camera pans round to show them arguing)

VERONA:

Chicken Kiev? What are you trying to say about me?

What kind of girl am I?!

JACK:

The kind of girl who would eat a chicken Kiev, maybe?

VERONA:

(Shouting) You don't know anything about me!

(Jack and Verona storm off. The camera pans back

onto the teachers.)

CARL:

She's absolutely right. One minute, she's eating a chicken

Kiev, the next she'll be shagging half of Yorkshire.

END OF SCENE

(Cut to Mike who is sat down at his desk working out his

football team)

NARRATOR:

Activities manager Mike Black is working hard on his

tactics for the big football tournament later tonight.

MIKE:

Decisions, decisions. Do I go with the tried and tested tactic of

we're one up with seventy minutes to play, lets just sit back, or do

I go for a more Lionel Messi style of football of just beating players

and scoring beautiful goals?

CAMERAMAN:

Are you a Messi sort of player?

MIKE:

Definitely. Especially in the clubs on a Saturday night.

Very Messi indeed!

CAMERAMAN:

Do you take any influence from any current football managers?

8

MIKE:

Jose Mourinho, because my Mum always referred to me as a

special one.

CAMERAMAN:

Because of your ability to build winning teams?

MIKE:

No, because I couldn't read and write until I was twelve.

CAMERAMAN:

Who's going to be playing for your team?

(Norman enters the office)

MIKE:

We've got Zack in goal, Ian and Andy in defence, Tom

as the midfield maestro and myself up front backing in the

goals...now to work out the tactics that sends out a clear

message of our intentions, but what?

(Norman writes “just f*****g win” on a piece of paper,

shows it to Mike who reads it)

NORMAN:

Is that clear enough for you?!

(Mike nods)

END OF SCENE

(Cut to a scene outside the Jorvik centre where the students

and the staff are about to go in)

NARRATOR:

Back in York, the students are about to go in the Jorvik Centre

to learn what life would have been like in an Viking city, but the

same can't be said for certain members of the staff.

ZACK:

I'm not going in there.

SARAH:

We got to go in and supervise the students.

9

ZACK:

But it stinks of s**t.

NINA:

But its meant to be a true representation of a Viking city.

There would be no state of the art waterworks. You s**t out of

a window.

ZACK:

That's disgusting. I'm still not going in.

NINA:

So what's stopping you?

ZACK:

Promise you won't laugh...I'm scared of the mechanical

people!

(Others laugh)

NINA:

That is ridiculous!

ZACK:

Don't laugh! Last year, I suffered nightmares because of the way

they look and move.

SARAH:

Poor baby! Come on Zack, take my hand and I'll look after you.

(To the students) Right guys, we're going in.

(Students and staff go into the centre. Sarah's phone goes

off and she looks at the text message.)

SARAH:

My love for you is like diarrhoea �" I can't hold it in!

That's the worst one yet!

NARRATOR:

While one group enjoys their educational visit, the other

is into the second half of their six hour lesson.

END OF SCENE

10

(Cut to Ian's class. He is sat behind a desk while

his students are working in silence �" Tom knocks on

the door and enters the room)

TOM:

Ian, sorry to interrupt, but could you help me with removing

something please?

IAN:

Sure, carry on everyone, I'll only be a minute.

(Tom and Ian leave and begin walking round

the back of the classroom)

TOM:

I just need help shifting something that's beginning to distract

my class.

IAN:

If its heavy lifting, can I be the one that walks forward so I can

see where I'm going please?

TOM:

I think its more heavy petting that you need to concern

yourself with!

IAN:

Pardon me?

(Tom points and the camera pans round to reveal Jack and

Verona kissing. Tom and Ian briefly stare at them.)

IAN:

I guess Jeremy Kyle worked for them!

(The camera continues to watch the two kiss as the narrator

speaks over them)

NARRATOR:

Because everyone is here for a short period of time, its

very easy for relationship to come and go very quickly.

But what about the people involved and what about the message

that it sends out to the general public?

11

(Cut to Mike and Norman sat in their office)

NORMAN:

Relationships do happen here and some are very successful.

Only last week, I received an email last week from a lad who

got with an Italian girl last year saying that they're engaged

to be married which is brilliant. So love does flourish, even at

a summer school.

CAMERAMAN:

What about your own relationship with Katie?

NORMAN:

We've been together over fifteen years now and I can still

remember the first time we met. She said she would take

me for the biggest Scampi I've ever seen...and its been

wonderful ever since. Never had the scampi, but I don't hold

that against her!

CAMERAMAN:

What type of message do you think this sends out to

the general public?

MIKE:

What do you mean?

CAMERAMAN:

About students getting with each other and staff getting

with each other?

NORMAN:

There's nothing wrong with it. Hundreds of people go

off to Ibiza and Rhodes on holiday and get with people

all the time and its no different here. The message that

it sends out is very positive, you come on holiday to enjoy

your lessons...and then enjoy yourself.

MIKE:

Couldn't agree with you more Norman.

NORMAN:

Mike, why don't you tell about the time with those

three students from last year?

12

MIKE:

What three?

NORMAN:

You know, those three who were...and you were...

MIKE:

Do you think that's appropriate for the camera?

NORMAN:

Its a funny story. (To the cameraman) You can edit

this bit out if its not good.

MIKE:

I got a call from a student that in the room next to them,

there was too much noise coming from them. I went to

investigate and the door was open...

NORMAN:

Tell them what you saw.

MIKE:

There were three of them. Two nineteen year old girls

and a twenty year old man at it! So, I told them to stop

it and keep the noise down.

NORMAN:

Tell them how long it took you to get them to stop.

MIKE:

I don't think the time is relevant.

NORMAN:

Tell them how long it took you to get them to stop.

MIKE:

Well...I noticed that there was a loose cable behind the

wardrobe, so I bent down and tried to fix it.

CAMERAMAN:

And how long did it take you to tell them?

(Short pause)

13

MIKE:

(Silently) Twenty minutes.

CAMERAMAN:

Could you say again please?

MIKE:

(Clears throat) Twenty minutes.

(Norman starts laughing)

MIKE:

It was a very long cable.

NORMAN:

I'll bet it was!

(Katie enters the office)

KATIE:

What are you talking about?

NORMAN:

Scampi.

KATIE:

What's that?

MIKE:

Its a breaded fish.

(Norman starts laughing again)

KATIE:

Seriously, what are you on about?

END OF SCENE

(Cut to a scene in York city centre. The camera shows

the students shopping and enjoying their time in York)

NARRATOR:

Back in York, the staff are having a well deserved coffee

as the students enjoy their freetime shopping.

14

(Cut to the staff sat in a coffee shop drinking)

NINA:

I thought you did very well in there Zack.

ZACK:

Thank you.

NINA:

Although you didn't have to grope one.

ZACK:

I wanted to check if those t*****s were real or not.

SARAH:

And on that note, lets go over to the meeting point to

meet the students and get them back.

ZACK:

What meeting point?

SARAH:

The meeting point where you told the students to be to get

the coach.

ZACK:

I never told them anything.

SARAH:

But I asked you to!

ZACK:

Oh...I guess I forgot.

NINA:

Zack, you prick! So what do we do now?

SARAH:

I don't bloody know! Any suggestions?

(Cut to a shot of the activity staff running through York

looking for their students)

15

ZACK:

(To random passers by) Are you Italian?

Are you Italian? Where do you live, York or Rome?

(The staff continue to run)

NARRATOR:

This is an example of something that goes wrong that could

easily have been avoided. Luckily for the staff, the students

used their initiative and managed to walk themselves to their

coach...with the staff running breathlessly behind them.

(Show all the students waiting next to the coach as the

staff appear all breathless)

STUDENT:

Are you all OK?

SARAH:

(Breathless) Yeah...we just...fancied...a run.

(Staff continue to catch their breath)

END OF SCENE

(Cut back to the Lawns and the teachers staff room where

Carl is laid face down on the desk, Ian and David are sat down

writing and Tom is walking into the office)

TOM:

Can someone just get me a barrel of lager and hook it

to my veins please?

IAN:

That doesn't sound like a bad idea.

CARL:

Tell you what, I'm ready for a six week holiday.

DAVID:

Then go work in a secondary school and you'll get it.

CARL:

Bollocks to that. I'll just settle for an early night.

16

(Mike enters the office)

MIKE:

No time for that Carlito, its the big football tournament

tonight and you are my substitute player.

CARL:

No way! Not happening! Me and football just don't mix!

MIKE:

I thought it would be right up your alley. Sweaty men running

about playing with balls!

CARL:

As nice as that sounds, I'm going to get stuck into my book

and then hit the hay.

MIKE:

What's your book, fifty shades of gay?

CARL:

Ha! Very funny!

MIKE:

How about I get Norman to put it in as over time?

(Short Pause)

CARL:

OK, I'll do it.

MIKE:

Fantastic. Get yourself something to eat, the food of

champions, for tonight, (shouting) WE UNLEASH HELL!

Gladiator.

(Mike leaves the room)

TOM:

More Russell Grant than Russell Crowe!

END OF SCENE

17

(Cut to out on the fields and the students and the staff

having a kick about)

NARRATOR:

Its game time for the Stepan-Briggs football team. To be

crowned champions, they are going to have to be at their

best, as the students look to be a very tough challenge to

overcome.

(Cut to Adam who is writing down a league table with

the names on it)

CAMERAMAN:

So, how many teams have you've got taking part?

ADAM:

Including our team, only four, but it still promises to be a

good tournament. I'm just a little concerned about if we

win.

CAMERAMAN:

Why?

ADAM:

Our team name. The three others are quite sensible, we've

got The Real Madrid, Flying Flamencos and Messi magic...

and then, there's us...

CAMERAMAN:

And the name is?

ADAM:

Inter me Gran!

CAMERAMAN:

Crikey! Who thought of that?

ADAM:

Who do you think?!

(Cut to a shot of Mike playing football. Show some girl

students screaming at Zack who is goal)

18

IAN:

I think you've got a fan club there Zack.

ZACK:

I know.

(Zack waves at the girls. They wave back)

MIKE:

Zack, eyes on the game please.

(The opposing striker runs through with the ball

towards Zack in goal who is still waving at the girls.)

MIKE:

(Shouting) ZACK, WATCH THE BALL!

(The striker hits the ball and it hits Zack in his genitalia

and he goes down very slowly and in a lot of pain. Everyone

winces as Zack rolls on the ground. His teammates rush to

him.)

TOM:

Don't feel 'em, count 'em.

IAN:

Not sure he'll be able to continue after that.

ANDY:

What are we going to do?

MIKE:

Nowt else for it. We'll have to bring on the super sub...

(To Carl, who is on the touchline) Carl, get in goal.

CARL:

Yes! Nothings getting past Carl the Cat!

(Carl runs on the pitch, jumping up and down. The team

watch him do this.)

MIKE:

For f**k's sake...

19

(Cut to a scene showing the staff team and a student

team playing football)

NARRATOR:

And so, to the final, the staff team versus The Real Madrid.

The chance to be declared the football world champions

of the summer school rests on this match.

(Show the two teams playing football. The Real Madrid

striker runs down on goal. Carl gets ready)

MIKE:

Save it Carl.

(The striker shoots, Carl runs out of the way and the ball

goes into the goal. The team celebrate.)

NARRATOR:

Despite the heroic efforts of Carl, The Real Madrid

take the lead.

(The team kick off and play again.)

END OF SCENE

(Cut to the first aid room where Zack is lying down.

Katie is with him. Zack is still in pain.)

NARRATOR:

In the treatment room, Zack is still struggling with his

possible career threatening injury.

KATIE:

OK Zack, take your time.

(Norman enters the room and notices Zack.)

NORMAN:

What's up with him?

KATIE:

In some cultures, its called taking one for the team, in

others, its called getting kicked in the balls.

20

(Norman starts laughing)

KATIE:

Norman! Can you be a tad more supportive?

NORMAN:

(clears throat) Of course....(To Zack) Zack, its very painful

what you've suffered. It will get better, but no tugging yourself

for a few days, OK?

(Norman leaves with Katie looking a little shocked. Zack

quietly sobs.)

KATIE:

Zack, are you crying?

END OF SCENE

(Cut back to the football match. Both teams are still playing.

The ball breaks to Mike who scores a goal.)

NARRATOR:

A great goal by Mike Black levels the score at one each.

(Mike celebrates by taking his shirt and running over to

where Sarah is stood and flexes muscles.)

MIKE:

How about this for a chat up line?

SARAH:

Not a chance!

(Mike runs back to his mark for kick off)

MIKE:

Next goal's the winner.

(The teams kick off again. The ball breaks to the one of the

students who bursts forward. He is fouled in the penalty area

by Andy and a penalty is given.)

21

NARRATOR:

A rash challenge by Andy has possibly gifted the game to

The Real Madrid. Everything depends now on whether goalkeeper

Carl can save the day or not.

CARL:

(Quietly) Oh f**k, oh f**k, oh f**k, oh f**k...

MIKE:

Right boys, when he saves it, a quick break away

and we score...

(The striker places the ball on the spot and starts his run up.

The camera pans on Carl and goes to supposed slow motion.)

CARL:

NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....

(Carl starts diving with his hands outstretched ready to save

the shot. He lands on the ground. The camera pans back to

the striker who hasn't taken his shot yet. He simply passes the

ball into the net. He celebrates with his teammates. The staff

team look disappointed.)

THE REAL MADRID TEAM:

CAMPEONES...CAMPEONES...OH LAY...OH LAY...OH LAY...

NARRATOR:

Despite the loss, the football tournament has been a massive

success with staff and students alike...

(Show The Real Madrid lifting the trophy and celebrating.)

NARRATOR:

The end of an eventful day at Stepan-Briggs. A clear

message that they can cope with a huge workload and still

come out smiling.

(Cut to a talking head of Mike)

MIKE:

Even though we lost, you can see just how much the students

enjoyed it. Never a penalty though, pure biased towards them.

You still witnessed a man of the match performance from moi!

22

(Cut to a talking head of Carl)

CARL:

I don't think I'll be challenging Neville Southall for top

Welsh goalie, but that was enjoyable. My attempt to save

the penalty was a bit Superman leaving a window stuff. I

don't think Mike will be speaking to me for a while...so things

aren't so bad after all.

(Cut to a talking head of Sarah, who is stood next to

Nina)

SARAH:

Apart from that minor nightmares of losing the students, its

been a great day. Split days are always tough ones, but we

get through 'cos we're awesome.

(Sarah's phone goes off for a text. She reads it)

NINA:

Another cheesy chat up line?

SARAH:

There's wine in the fridge and there are two glasses.

Fancy it?

NINA:

For Mike, that's quite a nice one.

SARAH:

Its from Tom.

NINA:

I knew you liked him.

SARAH:

Like him or not, I never say no to wine.

(Sarah and Nina walk off. The camera pans to a wideshot

of The Lawns)

NARRATOR:

So everyone enjoyed their day...well almost everyone!

23

(Cut to a shot of Zack still in the First Aid office.

He's sat upright.)

ZACK:

I think I'm dying. I need a ball transplant. Not just anyone's

balls, nice balls. I would like Usain Bolt's balls or Tom

Hardy's balls...just...not these ones.

(Zack exhales heavily)

END OF SCENE

THE END

24