Dissociation at Red Hawk Deck

Reality hits me
In the evening during a desk type job
I come to terms with a couple of truths:

1. I am addicted to self-destruction
2. Mathematics is not my forte

Both unequivocal in nature, yet both very clear on a day like today as I wait in my car and the hour strikes 5 PM

Statistics was supposed to start at 5:30
Yet, I needed to escape from this miserable job
I need to make time fly by
What can I rely on?
Nicotine scents, menthol cough drops or mint gum.

-I just love it when you care
I love it when you change-

My headache grows knowing I have to confront the F in this class
Yet, I continue looking through the window
The time reads 5:14 PM

-I love it when you face the other way
I love it when you don’t love me-

I’ve been dissociating while driving
It’s troubling by nature
But, anything is better than thinking of numbers
The time reads 5:21 PM

Please don’t lecture me
I already know what I’m doing
I am my worst enemy
Statistics
Self-destruction
Statistics
Self-destruction

What are the odds I never come back from this?

5:30 PM