cascades of emptiness

i have to go back to my old real self.

this is too much! wherever i look, frustration is all i see

'tis painted on the wall, on the classroom door,in the tabularas' faces, even in the lookin glass

has the world stopped turning, or this maelstrom of hemlock and ivy sipped through me?

i could not say,

who'd ever endeavor,

to sow a seed of hope with words

to someone peculiar and unquantifiable

and unstable (as a pebble washed on shore).

i want to hate and curse and slash and pierce all the jinxes!

i imagine a panoramic scene of blood sprouting and pouring like rain....

of blood mingling with flesh, like gravy on top of a chicken breast.... 

i want to undress a body with a knife,leaving the nerves like towering reefs

with bones collected like white stones,let me break them into dustless particles!

for this very pages are my only escape

the only consolation, the only scapegoat

the vent capable of freeing my emotions

the vertigo in me came screaming, unending

i care not if my narratives be stale and uninviting 

to the scrutinizing louvers of other beings

but if you chanced to be bathing in the same stream which i am in-

then you may shiver beneath these cascades- freezing crystals of emptiness.

Reviews

[Shane's Alter Ego (Shan..]

I perfectly see the picture and the scenes you have vividly painted through your words.
Your rebellious side can't be hidden indeed.
I was actually laughing while I am reading this for I seem to imagine your face while you're savoring the wrath in your heart.

This is just exactly how I want things to happen also whenever I am all frustrated and angry about people and things around me.

[Trigorin]

A good first effort, but this needs a lot of refinement before it's really any good. There are some words you use that are a little questionable - I'd go back over the whole thing and make sure you wrote exactly what you intended to in each stanza. Otherwise, the meaning gets horribly obtuse.
However, your word choice in general is a little lacking. It feels at times as though you just looked for the biggest words you could find in your thesaurus and used those instead of a much simpler and more vocative word that would have done the job just as well. It's overly word and as such becomes awkward and stilted at times, which is never something you want in a poem. In addition, having to wade through all the rather antiquated and specific words makes the reader wonder what exactly the poem is even about, since it's frankly somewhat difficult to tell just by reading it. It's a good start, but now you need to turn it down a few notches and cut down on some of the excess, or otherwise it's just too much.

[seath]

my appreciatoin for the time you've given in the constructive criticism of my verses.allow me to humbly say that my spontaneity had caused me to string such words that may seem to be jargons for you.some words also that i have used as a signifier for my signs are so designed to achieve confusion amidst the stream of thoughts which is exhibited in the poem.i had written this for purification.kindly aooly the death to the author perspective while deciphering its meaning...you may use the reader-response criticism..

[seath]

i should say you could apply that type of criticism ...poetry has to be a labyrinth...at times ...even rhetorical sometimes

[Belle]

WC is a community where it is almost impossible to know the author's life and the melieu of a particular piece, so I think there is no other way to decipher but through reader-response approach in reading...