Child of Eternity: Intro

Here's a little intro/sneak-peek into my latest novel about an ancient Egyptian vampire.

The torches flickered as I walked by, down the cold, dank passageway. Flanking me on both sides were two of the men who had created this marvel and gifted it to me. One an architect, and the other the master builder. They were the only two who knew all the secrets to my underground palace other than myself, and for that they would pay.

The two men showed me around trying to impress me with the skill in which my palace was built. I wasn't entirely impressed, but it would have to do. After all, it was the best mortals could do. 

I would rid the world of all morals if they were not so essential. They were the essence of life, an almost an ambrosia for immortals. Without them we would not be immortal. Instead we would fade away into little piles of dust. Disgusting little buggers. 

Sadly, I was not yet immortal. I still had to suffer in this infernal form before I could truly live. My father, Ra, placed this curse on me as a punishment. In order to regain my immortality, I was forced to live a mortal life.

Being mortal repulsed me. Every time I looked into my polished, bronze mirror I felt ill. Mortals are such weaklings. They are like fragile pots; even if you try to put them back together they are still disfigured. Mortality was a plague of stupidity and death. They were fools. All those mortals were fools. Luckily they died soon enough; such a short and meaningless life span. 

"This is your throne room, your highness." The architect practically leaped over the builder to say so. 

I looked around. It wasn't bad. In fact, I had to admit that the mortals did a pretty good job. However, they had made an error. Beside my throne were two life-sized Anubis statues. 

At first I was ready to make them pay for such a grievous error, but I soon had to chuckle at the irony. Anubis helped on the mortals journey into the afterlife and I was never going to the afterlife. At least, I wouldn't complete it. I would defeat him and take from him an eternity. We were enemies of the worst kind. 

"Well done." I told them. They beamed with pride. Arrogant little buggers. Like they could ever accomplish any great feat without a superior leader to guide their hand. 
I frowned at their arrogance and pride. "Unfortunately, your task is not yet finished." They stared at me, wide-eyed with their mouths hanging open. "I require more."

I stepped towards them, grinning as they tried not to turn and flee. Maybe they knew what was coming. Maybe their tiny brains had broken through the confines of their mortality and had suddenly realized what awaited them. 

I lunged towards one, pulling a hidden dagger to his throat and drawing it across. Blood spurted everywhere, and he fell down to the ground, a gash in his throat. I turned to the second one. He started to plead and beg like those substandard beings that all mortals are. I didn't care. Before long, he joined his bloodied friend on the floor.

I knelt down and dipped my flinger in the still warm blood. I pressed it to my lips and tasted. It was good, so full of life and fresh. I couldn't wait till the day when I could drink from their veins and gain power. I licked my lips just thinking of it. 

I climbed up to my feet and walked out of the throne room, glancing back only to admire and envy for what could have been and what was. Walking down the passageway, for the first time I noticed how the air was still and musky; smelling like that of an ancient tomb. I smiled, knowing that it was not yet ancient, but I knew that all to soon in the life of an immortal it would be. Death wasn't going to stop me. In face, death would free me. I would finally be an immortal one; a child of eternity.

Author's Note

Since this is an intro, I tried to keep it somewhat vague and mysterious. The story itself will incorporate some ancient egyptian mythology and some of my own twists of it. Let me know what you think.

A heads up: You are not allowed to use this (or any of my other work) without my permission.

Reviews

[Sarah Wilson]

Love it! Very well written, makes you want to read more! the only things I might pick at is the line that reads "a gash in his throat." It feels unneeded and messes up the flow a little. Other that that I'd say this is a great piece!

[Charlie]

A good taste of what is to come. Some minor spelling errors. The third paragraph should say mortals and not morals, and the last paragraph, it should be in fact and not in face. I also notice the use or over use of the pronoun I, or perhaps overuse? Other than that it is a good start.