CHAPTER TWO

I stare absently at the computer screen, my brain uncomprehending what I’m seeing. I can’t concentrate. I’m way too tired. It’s 2:34am on my bedside clock and I’m not nearly finished writing my valedictorian speech. I thought 1500 words wasn’t enough, but then I decided if I wanted to make a good impression and give a memorable speech there was more things I had to incorporate into it.

I slam my laptop lid down and collapse onto my bed. I think about the events of today, or rather yesterday since it’s technically morning. It hardly seemed like yesterday morning I was at school, walking around like it was a normal school day when it wasn’t. It was my last day before graduation, the day that I would remember for the rest of my life. I didn’t want to think about it.

My mind wanders elsewhere and I feel a stab of disappointment as I remember I hadn’t found what I was looking for yesterday. I can’t get over the fact I would never see it again. That it was lost forever, forgotten, unread, unappreciated. I feel a tinge of hope as I cling onto the hope that the reason Mr Bowman wants to see me tomorrow is to reunite me with what I was looking for. If he’d asked Kerry to deliver the message it must mean it was important.

I sign and climb under the bed sheets, not bothering to get changed out of my navy blue silk dress. I wanted to keep it on, wear it tomorrow if I could. I didn’t want to talk it off, it would symbolize an era of my life being over and I wasn’t ready for that. As much as I hated to admit it, change scared me. Any sort of change in my life. Like when I had to move foster families. I had had to do it 3 times, and even though each time I thought I was going to a better family I still found myself missing the old life I had instead of appreciating the new and better one.

The family I was living with now, the Morgans, were unbelievably rich. The couple, Harry and Jillian, had two children, Kasey and Kerry. Kerry was my age, and was graduating with me this year. Kasey was two years older. The pair looked incredibly alike. I, however, stood out. There was no comparing my brown hair and lean frame to their striking blonde hair and muscular figure. It was clear I wasn’t part of their family. They didn’t exactly welcome me.

Harry and Jillian hadn’t been looking to adopt, yet they were stuck with me because the State Government claimed that their house was so absurdly large with six spare bedrooms that they were stuck with me. They had been looking to adopt before Kasey was born, but after they found out they were able to have kids they no longer needed to but must’ve forgotten to take their name off the list. It had taken a while, but after a few months or maybe even years Kerry and I became friends. Other than her, Jillian Harry and Kasey never fully warmed up to me until recently. But I’m fairly sure they still considered me part of their family.

  I wake up to the sound of Kerry banging on my front door. She’s calling my name over and over again and begging me to wake up. I slowly open my eyes, turn over and peer at my alarm clock. 6:17. Barely four hours sleep. I’ve been sleeping really little these days, with the stress of college and all. I don’t know how Kerry does it, getting up at five to go jogging or do yoga.

I aimlessly walk towards the door, my feet sliding across the thick carpet. Before I reach it, it barges open. Kerry stands there, fully dressed, vibrant as usual. No traces of hangover or sleep deprivation. She smiles at me radiantly, and then frowns. “Ava, get dressed! It’s 6:30! Breakfast is ready, everyone is waiting. Kasey’s downstairs!”

I try and fake enthusiasm. “I’ll be down in 10.”

I walk downstairs fifteen minutes later. The whole family surrounds the round dining table. The table is located in the center of the dining room, or as I refer to it, the Great Hall, because that’s literally what it is. It’s a giant room situated at the front of the mansion. An enormous mirror hangs the back wall facing opposite to the stained glass windows on the front wall, overlooking the garden. A row of cabinets line the left and right wood paneled walls, on which candles, essences and an array of cutlery are placed neatly. It is the only room in the house that was taken from an original design of a great hall in a medieval castle. Everything else is about as modern as a house can get.

As soon as they feel my presence, everyone turns and looks at me. Jillian merely glances over her shoulders and coldly states, “you’re late,” before turning back to her food. “Take a seat.” To my surprise, as I sit Kasey flashes a smile at me. He even strikes a conversation. He asks me if I’m excited about college.

“Definitely” I exclaim, nodding my head at the butler in thanks for the meal he placed in front of me. “I’m very excited, thanks.” This isn’t exactly a lie. I feel better about it than I did yesterday. I even feel good, happy. It’s a strange yet wonderful feeling.

I dig in to the amazing breakfast they have given me. It’s not every day the whole family is home and they prepare a huge meal. My guess is tonight we’re having a huge feast, like the night of Kasey’s graduation. That was around the time when I started to feel like this was home, like I actually had a place in this family. All my life when I’d been in foster care I’d wanted a family, who accepted me and treated me like their own. The Morgans weren’t perfect, sometimes I did feel like an outsider since they didn’t want me in the first place, but they were good enough for me.

Sometimes I catch myself wishing they were my real parents and siblings. I wondered what it would be like if they were my birth parents and I was their daughter like Kerry, and they treated me just as equally. All those years I’d always wondered if I would’ve had any brothers or sisters if my parents hadn’t passed away. It was just so much easier to pretend they were my real family, and without me it wouldn’t be the same. But I knew that wasn’t quite the case.

I remember one summer when they were going off the Hamburg, and left me at home with Clarisse. Kerry hugged me and told me we wouldn’t have fun for my sake. But I knew that wasn’t true. It was the summer after my first year of living with them, when Kerry and I had just started being friends. Harry and Jillian weren’t cold towards me like they were for the first few months, but I was pretty sure they were happy to spend six weeks away from me. Harry hugged me too, and said he promised we wouldn’t forget about me when they were gone. Jillian patted me on the shoulder and apologised for not having the money to bring me alone, as much as they wished they could, which I knew was complete rubbish.  Kasey gave me a pathetic wave and a forced smile as they drove off to the airport, leaving me utterly empty and alone.

It was the worst summer of all the summers I’d lived with them. All the summers to come I would spend going to summer school, as would Kasey and Kerry. I remember I would lock myself in my room, feeling sorry of myself and lonely. For four of the six weeks I’d spend ten hours a day searching for another foster family. I called the foster care organisation that placed me here and begged for a different home, but they didn’t take me seriously. After I gave up on finding a new family I looked for information about the death of my parents, who they were and why they died. But I didn’t find anything. I had to accept the fact they were gone, and I was stuck in this family forever.

Everyday Clarisse would bring me food to my bedroom. She would ask the chefs to cook me delicious meals and decadent desserts. I told her about the search for a new home and information about my parents and she comforted me and begged me not to go. She told me she would try and get Harry and Jillian to treat me better, but I knew there was nothing she could do. Nothing would make the sad, lonely and devastating feelings I had go away.

I looked forward to going back to school, to seeing Mr Bowman again. When I returned I told him all about the summer and how terrible it was. I didn’t lie about a single thing. After I’d ranted on about my horrible holiday he cheered me up with amazing news: he was getting married. I was so happy for him I almost forgot about my awful experience.

For the first time in months, I truly feel like I belong. As I sit with my family, joining in the conversation, laughing, talking, enjoying myself, I feel like I’m part of this family. Like I’m one of them, they accept me and I finally found a place here. It’s bittersweet, seeing as I’m leaving in less than three months, but I’ll be back for the holidays, and maybe they’d let me go. 

Like this summer. We were going to Venice, for a summer program. It was the best one I would go to, seeing as the previous ones were in local area and hadn’t given much thought into. But I’d used my money I’d inherited from my parents to pay for it so I got a choice. The Morgans decided to follow me there, so Peyton, Kerry and I would spend three weeks at summer camp together. After the camp, we would explore Venice and visit France as a family. The first real overseas vacation I would have with my family. This is one of the happiest I’ve ever felt, I think.

I smile as the servants come around and collect my empty plate. I never really appreciated them, how they could be part of this family too, yet I’d never gotten to know them. They were just hired people who my parents paid to do their job, and they did it exceptionally well. I wonder if this is what they wanted to do for a living, serving people. It must not be a very fulfilling job, yet they don’t seem reluctant by any means to do it. I wonder if it’s because the pay is good.

Looking around the room, I realise how much renovation must’ve gone into it. When they first bought the house, this room must’ve looked like all the others, modern, contemporary and innovative. But now it looked completely different. I truly felt like I was in a castle, and it was the best feeling. We tended to eat meals in the sitting area outside except on special occasions like Christmas and Thanksgiving. But I loved this room.  I wonder why we’re here today. I ask.

“Oh, I thought because this is quite a special day we would eat in here,” Jillian explained grinning. “Since it’s one of your last meals because you’re leaving for summer school tomorrow you would want it to be memorable.  Why don’t you like it here?”

“No, no I love it here!” I exclaim. “I was simply wondering, Jill.” I say before I can stop myself. I then realise my mistake and the whole table laughs.

“Ava, dear, I am your mother. After all this time you still call me Jill? Please, do not refrain from referring to me as your mom.”

“Of course,” I say blushing slightly. I look down at my lap. How could I let a slip of tongue happen like that, just as I was thinking of her as my mother? I usually called her mom, and Harry dad. I had no idea why that had happened.

“Alright then,” Harry stands up and checks his watch. “I think I should be driving you two girls to schools now for the last time! Let’s go, you don’t want to be late.”