Fracture

Fracture

A Poem by Ashley

It was lucidity at its finest
Maybe because my mind
Has memorized all of the lines
And all of the curves
And all of the manner
Inherent to you

You were right there
As was I
Telling you
All that I'd meant to
That past night
Only this time
There were no smears on the window
And it gave me all of the confidence in the world

I grabbed your hand
And you hinted a smile
And I confessed the love
That was buried inside
And then there were smears on the window
And it gave me all of the confidence in the world

But I woke heavy
With disturbing clarity
And the delusions of us
Fell from my eyes

© 2015 Ashley


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Featured Review

I love this poem, but I would suggest changing the title. You have managed to write a lovely poem with originality and heart and beautifully free of cliche. I think anyone reading the poem would quickly surmise that it is a dream and would enjoy making that discovery through your original and heartfelt words without having the backdrop handed to them in the title. It's a lovely thing when the title of a piece truly adds to the poem, which is much less common that one would think. You clearly have a talent for words. Let your title reflect that and you have a perfect poem.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Ashley

9 Years Ago

Wow, thank you so much. I didn't even really consider that and I appreciate the constructive critic.. read more
Ashley

9 Years Ago

If you happened to look back at this, let me know what you think of my revised title. I tried to pl.. read more
jcfrancis

9 Years Ago

I like the revision and the meaning behind it! Nicely done!



Reviews

Like this, especially the paradox in "smears on the window."

Posted 9 Years Ago


Ashley

9 Years Ago

Thank you!
A very... haunting poem? I liked it very much, although the way you've formatted it seems to mess up the rhythm of it every once in a while. I feel as if some of the lines could become one instead of having so many fragments. All in all a great work, I look forward to more of your word smithing.

Cheers, Colton.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Ashley

9 Years Ago

Thanks for the criticism! I was going for a very free verse and unstructured write with this one. S.. read more
Colton Patterson

9 Years Ago

You're very welcome.
I love this poem, but I would suggest changing the title. You have managed to write a lovely poem with originality and heart and beautifully free of cliche. I think anyone reading the poem would quickly surmise that it is a dream and would enjoy making that discovery through your original and heartfelt words without having the backdrop handed to them in the title. It's a lovely thing when the title of a piece truly adds to the poem, which is much less common that one would think. You clearly have a talent for words. Let your title reflect that and you have a perfect poem.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Ashley

9 Years Ago

Wow, thank you so much. I didn't even really consider that and I appreciate the constructive critic.. read more
Ashley

9 Years Ago

If you happened to look back at this, let me know what you think of my revised title. I tried to pl.. read more
jcfrancis

9 Years Ago

I like the revision and the meaning behind it! Nicely done!

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218 Views
3 Reviews
Rating
Added on January 2, 2015
Last Updated on January 4, 2015
Tags: unrequited, love, bestfriend, romance, dream, lesbian, lgbt, poetry

Author

Ashley
Ashley

Little Rock, AR



About
I'm not an expert at writing by any stretch of the imagination. I just love the putting my thoughts and feelings in the form of squiggles. more..

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