You Became a Ghost

A poem written in the form a voicemail that will never be sent to a guy I started building a relationship who ghosted me for someone else. Heartbreak really sucks but it is certainly inspiring.

Hey

It’s me

I know it’s been awhile since we last talked

I know you’ve moved on

But I just wanted to say

I’m sorry that I wasn’t good enough

That I made you feel the need to walk away

In search of something better

But I swear to you that I tried

I gave you everything I had

But I guess you wanted more

While I had to fight for even an ounce in return

And I’m sorry I wasn’t who you thought I was

But let’s be honest

You built me up in your head

As someone I was not

All I did was pick up the role and try to play the part

Really though, I guess I was just playing the fool

Being dragged along for your amusement

Was that good?

Do you like me now?

And you would answer yes

Sometimes lying through your teeth

So I kept going

Trying to be what you wanted

But I was not the last girl you’d bring home

Though I wanted to be

And that may have been my biggest mistake of all

I let myself fall and fooled myself

Thinking you’d be there to catch me

You wanted this too, right

Well, no, I was wrong

And I’m sorry if you see this message as wasting your time

But I think we can call it even

Because you wasted so much of mine

How many plans did I cancel

How many hearts did I break

While I wasted my time pining after you

Now you’ll probably never hear this

And I guess that’s fine

My feelings stopped being a concern for you

Long before you walked out the door

You became a ghost

Actively haunting me

Almost as if you could see my pain

You played the sadist

But I guess this too is all just speculation

I don’t hate you anymore for how you left me

But I’d say I do for what you left me with

Something you will never know

But what I do know all too well

Is the pain of that loss and the absence of you

Because of you I no longer feel whole

Because of you I fear people breaking down my walls

I am unable to be vulnerable again

But I’m trying

I’m trying to live with the pain

To move so far beyond you

Because all you could ever give me

Was the broken and bloodied glass

That you used to rip apart my insides

And tear out my heart

Maybe that’s why I haven’t found any peace

You cut out my heart

Like some rotten piece of meat

Still I know you’ll never see this

Though I wish you would

And I hope this gives me closure

Another thing you never could