Prologue

A prologue to before the Amphibian race settled in Marwood.

In the days of The Flames, my people fled.

          They fled the blaze of smoke and heat and smell of hundreds of burning bodies trapped in the mazes of oaks that was the Enzo Jungle, rich of life and culture for hundreds of years, only to be destroyed in minutes.

          The Capital evacuated the rest of us and we were told of a free land that we could own. But there was only one route they allowed us to take to get there.

          The Crossing Over caused more deaths as my people passed the Naidi Mountains. Only the strongest and smartest could navigate around the crevasses and mountains seeping with black lava from the Volcano that towered over all else. One slip and you would be lost to the demon mountain forever.

          They say I was lucky.

          I remember my mother gripping her hand around mine, cutting into my palms as we followed the survivors into the depths of the mountains searching for a liberator. I, however, slipped out of my mother’s grasp as she helped others who were less fortunate.

          I wandered. I became lost.

          Terror gripped me, and I slipped off the ledge and down a crevasse, splashing into the cool, black lava unique to the mountains. It seeped into my nose, my mouth, filling my lungs and gills. Nothing I could do; I could not swim nor breathe in the soggy substance. Black rocks hit me from below, bubbling into lava from my touch. My eyes remained open to darkness, and an image of a grey angle morphed from the lava, her eyes hollow, wings black and hair grey. She had inscriptions and tattoos of branches on her body that seemed to bleed dark lava. Her arms opened wide, and her hands madly clawed at my body, to pull me deeper into the mountain. Fear held me strong like a tight band around my body, and kept me there, for what seemed like eternity.

          Like a candle in the dark of the night, my hope returned. Another pair of strong arms replaced the angel and managed to pull me up, away from the rocks, saving me from this horror.

          As I came closer to the surface, I believed I was safe, until the angel hand tore at my ankle, slicing it open, letting the lava leak into the wound. As I was pulled onto land, the lava had already circled my veins, my body, and throughout my mind.

          My saviour awoke me and carried me safely along the ridges of the Naidi Mountains, away from the Enzo Jungle and grey Angles.

          My people made it to the new land of Marwood and, with the cut on my ankle never healing, my future was sealed.

Reviews

[Weaver]

Good opening sentence
"Rich of life and culture..." - combine with previous sentence
no comma after "relatives and friends"
no comma after "caused more deaths"
comma, not semicolon, after "hand around mine"
comma after "searching for a liberator"
"I however slipped" - commas before and after "however"
"helped some other less fortunate’s" - "helped some other, less fortunate" ?
comma after "Terror gripped me"
"lava so unique" - delete "so" ("unique" isn't relative - something either is the only one of its kind, or it isn't)
"filling my lungs and gills" - good, subtle way of introducing the character's differences
"Nothing I could do, I could not swim" - "There was nothing I could do; I could not swim"
comma after "arms opened wide"
no comma after "clawed at my body"
no comma after "and kept me there"
comma after "dark of the night"
no comma after "Another pair of strong"
"the demon" - confusing - In the previous paragraph, you call it an angel.
no comma after "demon" (or whatever you may change that to)
"As I became closer" - "As I came closer"
"but I remained unconscious for the rest of the journey" - confusing Was the character already unconscious when pulled out of the lava If so, how could she know who saved her, or how?
"land of Marwood, and with the cut" - "land of Marwood, and, with the cut"
Good for a prologue - You have a vivid scene, with a little bit of information about the overall setting and situation, but you don't try to give the whole history of the character up to this point.