Forever

Impromptu ramblings. This is about society and life and growing up, and then it turns into something else entirely.

Forever

 

When we are small, we are talked down to, belittled, told, "You can't do that. You're too small, too young." Our cheeks are red from the bite of a winter wind, from the pinch of adult fingers. And we're coddled and rocked on laps. We learn to recognize our mothers from touch and intuition. We learn to recognize our fathers by smell and feeling. We learn, Hey, this person is my friend, when we surreptitiously exchange goodies with the kid beside us. We learn our enemies when somebody else tattles. And we know what we want: to be happy.

        Then we grow older, grow up. Baby fat slims, and bodies grown, bones melding into each other. Suddenly, friends aren't just the person we share snacks with. Friends are the people we're trying to constantly one-up, assert dominance over. And at the same time, we're there when they cry and rage and succeed, and we're the faces in the crowd they point to when they make a speech or claim a trophy.

        As for the enemies, they're our friends, too. They are the people who keep our motor running. We love and hate them at the same time, and somehow that's okay. That's natural. It's in our blood. Be the best, be the smartest, prettiest, most successful, most well-liked. Graduate with honors and extra college credits under your belt. Apply to ten different colleges, half of them Ivy League, and get in with scholarships. Grow older, become more mature, find a mate, reproduce.

        Suddenly, we don't know what we want anymore. We want to be pretty, but not ditzy. We want to be smart, but not a nerd. We want good grades and boyfriends, full busts and thigh gaps. Life isn't about happiness anymore-- Or rather, happiness isn't defined by emotional stability anymore. It's defined by social status, physical appearance, and how "popular" you are.

        All we have are the expectations forced upon us by our parents and peers.

        You grow up in a picture perfect dollhouse, two brothers in MIT, a sister married with three beautiful children, and you don't have a choice anymore. You know exactly how your life is going to go, which road you will take, without anyone telling you. You're going to get all A's in school, to "keep your options open," and take as many extra-curriculars as possible without dying or getting noticeable bags under the eyes. Because your siblings did it, your siblings we perfect children.

        They never smoked or drank or swore at the sky.

        They never wore black and lined their eyes to soak up tears.

        Your siblings were sane.

        ...And you aren't.

        Because you smoke and drink and swear at the sky.

        Because you wear black and line you eyes, but that does nothing for the tears.

        Because you are spiraling down...

down...

down...

        And at the end of the fall, you can choose to stay down in your pitch-black forever, or you can get up and face the world. Straighten your shoulders, push back your hair, and say, "F**k you."

        You've got longevity and forever down the easy path.

        But life isn't worth living if all you have to look forward to is death. 

Author's Note

Hey, guys, as you can see, this kind of got off track. Still, hoped this made you feel something.