An odd but interesting poem. Insomnia is, however, odd and interesting in itself. It can play tricks on the mind, but then the mind can be too active to sleep. The second section of the poem is intriguing and oblique. It is expected that some kind of analogy for the theme of the work will surface somehow, but the scene presented is far from revelatory. I think this is far more appropriate in the case of the subject, and leaves the mystery of life intact. It is quite mysterious and somewhat mystical, and is aided by the sincerity of the writing. It almost seems to hint that the insomnia leads its victim purposely to experience this strange scene: as if to give some kind of confirmation. The event then appears as some kind of insomniac ritual, justifying the existence of such a condition as only too human, and perhaps primal. The technique is of a very good standard.
PS. a Zorki, I understand, is a camera...
love this one as well...fav part was the last "Where is the sunlight to infiltrate and shine, through the black clouds of their mind, and mine...great job
I think this piece moves between a description of a person with insomnia, to the depiction of the world through his eyes. Ultimately, the reader is left wondering if this is what the world really is.
"Contained, because I am not the only fanatic around
Everybody is running in circles here,
Where is the sunlight?
To infiltrate and shine
Through the black clouds of their mind
And mine…"
These words imply a deeper meaning, and are more than just confused ramblings of an insomniac.
I believe you've perfectly captured the feeling of insomnia in your write. Great job!
A sleepless excursion into the dark and whirling world around you. Like a sleep walker you venture outside after a night of tossing and turning from "North to South" into a world filled with "Damp empty roads, blithe-less laughter" and people who are "running in circles." Yet you feel appeased as you realize that you are no different than them. This is an admission of your own victimization and an acceptance of the light-less world of which you are a part. Insomnia is a curse and not something I would wish on anyone. You describe it adequately and with a certain resignation that belies the "black clouds" which loom above and within your own mind. I hope this is not a normal and on going state of mind for you. Well written.
This is excellent!
It is hard to define normality and reality when insomnia has a grip!
All seems on red alert, all with a high pitched tone! lol
The morning, well, another day impending before less sleep again1
Excellent portrayal of confusion and the thought process here, love it
xx
it is different .. and it did hold my attention ... i have to say it is a good type of different.... i loved the frustration that was so obvious in every word that i read ... good work !!
Rather than being a poem directly addressing insomnia this piece focuses on some of the associated emotions in a more abstract, extended metaphor.
In this poem I sense frustration as well as exhaustion. Although depicted as a directionless journey the lines, 'I turn north and I turn south my body roates one-eighty' could equally describe the endless tossing and turning of an insomniac in bed. In the same manner the frustration of, 'time and again I gulp the water' could be seen to represent the inability to gain rest from sleep. To me much of this poem reads like a metaphor of sleep deprivation.
Further into the poem the tone appears to change. The journey now seems more real, perhaps it's an effort to tire the body enough so that the mind will allow it to rest. The narrator has what he sees coloured by the otherworldly cloud that surrounds him due to lack of sleep. He sees other people as fellow 'fanatics' where his fellows join in, 'a secret communion'. It's almost like the hour of 4AM is the allotted time for them all to meet.
This is an interesting poem that to me seems to work on two levels and is more enjoyable because of this multiplicity.
It is a bit hard to grasp all at once, I had to read it once. However I do get your interpertaion of the picture. I thought it was a bit confusing and a little off subject, but overall great. I can tell that your subject is suffering from insomina and wants to get out and capture whatever he or she can with thier zorki. Great mindset keep it up.
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