Chapter 4

When I got off my final bus, I walked the last few stops to where I was supposed to meet Kyle. He was waiting inside in a booth already having ordered pizza for the two of us. We had eaten pizza here enough times that he knew what I would want.

“Hey man,” I greeted him as I slid into the side across from him.

“Hey. Guess what?” he said in between eating.

“What?” I responded as I grabbed my own slice.

“You know that fat b***h... I forgot her name. It’s like Sarah. No, not Sarah. Um, is it Sandy? Nah. Oh, wait I got it. Stephanie!”

I stopped mid bite. It took all my self control to contain my anger. It seemed so strange that now that I was thinking about Steph as, well, as Steph, the girl I had been friends with, the sweetest person I had ever met, that I couldn’t stand the words we used to describe her. Fat a*s, b***h, disgusting, an abomination, and many many more. I wasn’t proud of any it.

Last night, I had had a wake up call. It brought me back out from the shadows and allowed me to really see and feel all the pain I had been causing. All the things I hated that I was doing. I still don’t really know how or why I had done it. I knew it wasn’t the me I wanted to be. So why had I created the new me? What was so appealing about it?

I knew the answer of course. Well, I knew at least part of it. I had been tempted by the idea of being popular. Of being “cool.” I’m not sure if what we do to be cool should make us cool though. We’re bullies. We’re jerks. We are anything but good.

I had had a good thing going with Steph and the others, but like an idiot, I had given it up.

“Dude. Did you hear me?” Kyle’s voice said, breaking my train of thought and bringing me back to reality.

“She’s not a fat b***h, you know.”

“Yeah, okay, whatever. Anyways she got hit by a car. Can you believe it?” he said, laughing.

Laughing.

Yes, that’s what I said. He was laughing. He was laughing at the fact that Steph had been hit by a car. Had I really been this sick? Was I really friends with that big of an a*****e?

“Are you seriously laughing?”

“Yeah. Why aren’t you?”

“She’s a human being. She is our age. She could die. She was my friend before I screwed it up. Should I continue?”

“Chill dude. It’s not like you’re friends with that loser anymore.”

“I sure wish I was. Anything but who I am now. This isn’t me. I hate who I am right now. I especially hate the way I’ve treated people. People who had stood by me for years. Strangers. Especially the way I’ve treated Stephanie.”

“Calm down, dude. I’m sorry I laughed. You should be lucky to be friends with who you are. You wouldn’t seriously prefer being friends with her, would you?”

“I actually would. At least she treats people well. I really have been an a*s these last few years, but I’m done.”

“Don’t do this dude. If you decide to be her friend over us then that’s it. No coming back.”

“Good. I’ll just go back to the hospital now then.”

“You were there earlier?”

“Yeah. I ignored your messages because I was there seeing if she was okay. That’s what people do.”

“Whatever man. Go back to those losers, dick.”

“Better them than you any day.”

With that, I got up and left. I didn’t look back once. I felt free. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I didn’t have to stop and think, “Will they make fun of me for this? Will they stop being friends with me if I didn’t do this?” I didn’t give a s**t anymore. I was free.

I had planned on going back to the hospital, but I realized I had to go meet my parents at the house. I had promised I would help with some house work.

With a smile on my face, I rode my bus. Ready for this new chapter in my life to begin. Steph just had to make it through. She needed to know there were still people who cared about her other than her parents. I knew the others just needed a little push and they’d come back.

Well, maybe.

I really was only hoping. It was all I could do.