TRAPPED

(TRAPPED)

While these thoughts fly through my head more and more are building up waiting to be analyzed, You may think these thoughts are normal for my age, But they aren't, In-fact they are very complex and mind boggling, This is why I stay up night after night trying to analyze these thoughts, So many ideas and so many conversations, So many arguments and so many epiphany's, In my mind I see the image of a soul walking down an empty road, The soul has scars up and down its arms, Has blood dripping from its fingers, And ripped jeans from a fight, I have a repeating dream that defy everything in my life, All of my choices never made, All of my goals never reached, All of my happiness never happened, This repeating dream is the biggest fear because what if one day, This is my only dream, And it alters from a dream to a reality, I get these feelings no one knows, These feelings are like I'm sailing, Sailing endlessly in the dead sea, Every now and then I pass an island but that's only in the storms, And I can't steer in the storms, I get these feelings no one knows, These feelings like I'm falling to earth from space, And my skin is being torn from my bones as I lash and turn and yell, I get these feelings that no one knows, These feelings like I'm frozen in time but everyone else is moving, I get these feelings no one knows, Like I'm drowning and I can't swim, I'm thrashing and gasping for air, But I'm not getting any, I get these feelings and then I wake up to realize its just a dream, And I look out my window and the world is black and white, I have become common to this every morning once I wake up, The black and white vision of a dog, Fitting since I'm a mutt played buy s***s, The black and white is all I have seen for a while, The black and white morning's go to blue and orange nights, I look out my window and I hear the wolves howling and I see the shadows of the birds, Only to look up and see a rainy day, Or a foggy night, Or even an empty space, I reach out and my fingers touch a canvas, Not air, Not water, Not wood, Paper, I'm stuck on a painting like the scream 1893, Or the blue boy painting by Gainsborough, I am trapped on this canvas, And I can't get off, I am pulling and kicking against it to push out, But it is not working, Maybe this is all just made up in my mind, Maybe this is all a dream, I don't know, I have felt this way for to long 4 years in-fact, Or is that just a lie I was told by myself to make myself believe I'm insane, I have no clue, For all I know everything Is a lie and everything is the truth, I have a repeating dream, A dream of a girl and a boy, The boy with a dark past, The girl with a bright past, The boy good, The girl bad, One wants peace, One wants pain to all, I bet we all know who wants pain to all, I have a repeating dream of a war, A war between devils and demons, A war between god's and angels, A war between humans and humans, I get it, The dream is telling me we are all demons and devils, Gods and angels, Killing each other over something meaningful, When the honest truth is its meaningless, Peace is meaningless when trillions die, Billions die, Millions die, And so on, We are in a time of peace and freedom is what they say, But that's a lie we're all trapped in a painting letting someone else paint in our pain and paint out our odds of happiness, We're all sailing endlessly in the dead sea trying to steer towards that island in the storm, We're all falling from space and our skin is being torn from our bones as we lash and turn and yell. We're all frozen in time seeing everyone else move, But everyone else is just a clip, Its repeated, That guy ridding his bike, That women picking up her baby, That guy on his phone on that bench, Those women talking to each other, It's repeated over and over again, You just standing there looking confused and scared while everyone doesn't walk into you perfectly, Its all just an image around you, See if it was real someone would have walked into you, We're all on a canvas, In a dream, Or in a circle of a repeated image or images, So now I leave you to filter that and analyze it, Be safe for as long as you can.