Struggling to live

Based off of my own feelings and experiences from when I was younger, living in the inner city slums.

Gangs and wars
Hookers and w****s
People searching for something worth living for
All the while letting their tears pour

Restlessly waiting
for people to stop doing nothing but hating
Instead of teaching those needing educating

Struggling for a sense of peace
Trying to find a little release
Searching but never finding
Tears ending up blinding

Fighting for the air they breathe
All the while just wanting to leave
To escape the despair in which they live
Becoming even more reclusive

Attempting to hide within themselves
To escape this bitter, lonesome hell
Where filth coats the crumbling streets
And the hookers walk patrolling their beats

They’re fighting for the right to live
Only having one objective
To make a little bit of money
So their kids can have some bread and honey

Suffering from deprivation
Slowly dying from asphyxiation
Being smothered by an oppressive weight
Drowning in a flood of pain and hate

Fallen tears numbering the stars in the sky
Looking around and wondering why

Reviews

[L.G. Knight]

Punctiation and structure are good things but sometimes they can take away from the poem itself. Now I wouldn't know for sure unless I saw it with punctuation but this looks to me like one of the ones it might take away from...

In the end it's up to you If you think it needs puntuation then add it. If you add it and you don't like it thats what the backspace button is for....

The poem could use stanzas though I have read three today that seemed to be lacking in them one it didn't seem quite so neccessary but the other two (yours included) seem to be lacking something without them... Especially if it is going to rhyme it should be seperated it looks more professional, seperates emotions and topics, and adds emphasis to a poem to have the stanzas clearly marked....

It's wonderful work and deffinatly worthy of being read and appreciated and I am so happy you decided to share it with us... I hope to see more of your work and I hope I could be of some help=)

~Frances~

[Susan S.]

The second stanza really needs that fourth line. It made me stumble each time I got to it. Overall it's a good job. Some of the rhymes seemed a bit forced, but sometimes you just have to force...

[[untitled]]

This is a great poem. The rhyming is wonderful and all the words mesh well. The subject of the poem is one of those things that not too many can write about for some reason but you do it very well. I especially like the first and second lines. Good write

[Tony]

Solioquy. god thats hard to spell. you are not only a poet, but you are an activist as well. carry on.

[N3v3r_2_L@t3]

I like it without punctuation. Most poems don't use puncuation, it makes it seem like a story you put in stanzas. I never use punctuation in my poems, save for capitalizing the first letter, but I'm OCD, so i do stuff like that=]. But I really like the overall message the poem portrays. It shows of the struggles most of us go through these days. You have a good perspective on what is going on in the lives of many. Great job, and welcome to writer's cafe=]