Little Fredrick

 

 

I have always wanted to know what it is like to be a doctor, to work with people, to help them and to comfort them. Some people say being a doctor is not a good profession because it ruins your life. Since you spend all your days in the hospital and have almost no time for a family. I didn’t agree with them. I always thought that if I gave my life to help hundreds of people, that it would all be worth it. I started to wonder, if I really became a doctor, would it be a good thing or a bad thing to become attached to patients. I did become a doctor after many years of studying and this is my story.

My alarm clock rang, it was 3:00 a.m., and my shift was going to start in an hour. I quickly jumped out of bed, trying not to wake my husband. I took a quick shower, got dressed, grabbed my cup of coffee and ran out the door. In the elevator I remembered that I forgot my backpack. Quickly I went back up to find my bag and then rand down the stairs because the elevator was in use. I unlocked my bike and as fast as I could, biked to the hospital. Right after I clocked in, the clock hit 4:00 a.m. I wasn’t late; I changed into my scrubs and went to get my clipboard. I had thirteen patients today. It was going to be another tiring day.

            The first girl I visited had a broken leg because she fell off of a bunk bed at her friend’s house. I gave her a bright pink cast, just like she wanted, and send her home. I loved patients like her because they were easy and weren’t time consuming

            After four more patients I took a coffee break. It was already 9 .am. My day wasn’t even half way over. I drank my usual cappuccino with my friends and had a bagel with cream cheese. Every once in a while there was a patient that I got attached to and that I really cared about. Today it was a little boy who had cancer. He had lost all of his hair. He had big blue eyes and he was wearing a teddy bear pajama. I had to give him an IV which was a regular thing for me, but for some reason, it was very hard this time. The look on his face, the way his hand was trembling. Right as I was about to slide the needle into his arm he asked me “Doctor, am I going to die?” The question took my breath away. I wasn’t sure of what to answer him so I decided to tell him we were doing everything we could to keep him alive. In a quiet and shy voice he answered “Ok, then, its ok if you poke me just a little bit.” I gave him a smile and gently slide in the needle. A tear dropped from his right eye and he reached his arms out for a hug. I’d never had a case like this before.  I decided to go to the front office and hand in my clipboard with all my other patients and divide them amongst my colleagues. The whole day I sat next to little boy. His name was Fredrick and he held my hand as I was telling him stories about when I was small. Once in a while he would say something or give me a little smile but for the rest he would just listen.

            At around noon his parents came in to “check” on him. But they paid almost no attention to Fredrick. I didn’t understand why they didn’t care; I guess it was none of my business. I looked at my watch and it was 1:30. I had to go pick up my youngest daughter from the kinder garden, rite across the hospital.

            I opened the door and there she was, my little girl, she came running at my screaming “mommy, mommy, mommy”. When she said that, it made my day. I took her hand and we walked home together. And like everyday she wanted to know what happened at the hospital. I told her about Fredrick and she asked me if I could see him. Since I had given all my patients to my colleagues and Fredrick was just sitting alone in his room, I took her to him.

            When she saw him, she was very polite. She introduced her self and sat at the side of the bed. “Hey Fredrick, my name is Tessa, this is my mommy. She’s a very good doctor and I’m sure you’ll be fine. She’s helped a lot of people get better you know.” She smiled at him, looked up at me, and then looked at Fredrick and held his hand. Seeing those two little hands together couldn’t make me happier. And I’m pretty sure Fredrick thought the same way because he smiled like he never smiled before and said “yeah I know, she told me all about you, you’re lucky you have a mom like that.” I let them read some of Tessa’s school books together but then it was time for Tessa to go home.

            When I came back from home I went into Fredrick’s room and there was chaos. Doctors were running around everywhere, saying all sorts of things. I came closer, everyone stopped moving and only the sound of a flat heart beat was left. What had happened I didn’t get it? The head doctor came up to me and said that his last word were “Can you thank Tessa and her mom because they were the last sunshine in my eyes.” I couldn’t help but cry. I couldn’t believe it, I wasn’t there for him and he thought of Tessa and me last.

            I stayed in the hospital all night long just thinking. I didn’t know what I was supposed to tell Tessa. She really liked him. Eventually when I got home Tessa was sleeping and I had a whole night to think about it. I warmed up a pizza in the oven and sat down at the kitchen table and told my husband all about what happened. He made me look at the good and bad sides of the story. The good thing was that Fredrick had some last sunshine in his eyes before he passed and that he had someone that cared about him. The bad thing is that now, I just can’t let go of him, his grip is too strong. But I realized that because I got attached to him and stayed with him, he had a couple of hours of happiness before it was time for him to go. I’m glad I became a doctor; its defiantly all worth it.