I thought...

11/25/13

I thought...

 

 

I thought God was an old man

with a long white beard

stranded in the vast unknown

of what mortals believe to be heaven,

always watching, always judging,

weighing offenses against the scale of righteousness.

 

I thought poems had to rhyme

and songs were meant to be sung dramatically

so I silenced the unwritten melodies in me

in the chasm of insignificance

and I conformed my voice

to the dissonant noise of the crowd.

 

I thought wisdom was contained

in the pages of books

with the imprint of revered geniuses

so I spent most of my waking hours

in the private world of words

leaving behind uninteresting realities.

 

I thought happiness could be achieved

by pleasing universal eyes

so I shaped myself

to the stereotypes of society,

nameless, voiceless,

and was manipulated like a puppet.

 

I thought love was a fairytale

(and there's nothing more cliche than that)

so I allowed my fantasies to reign

and kissed more than a dozen frogs

in the vain pursuit

of a Disneylike romance.

 

I thought I was a nobody,

never amounting to anything much,

so I repressed my golden dreams

and I lived not to my potentials,

not knowing that in the process,

I lost opportunities and I lost myself.

 

I thought just because things made sense

they were absolute truths

governing the existence of humanity

so I lived my life in ignorance,

breathing lies and feasting upon misconceptions...

just like everybody else.

Author's Note

I'm sick of all the lies.

Reviews

[NeiL ArandA]

Thanks Blue for the second read request. You have finally achieved your dream of writing a free verse. You have far exceeded my expectations here. Everything flows and not just that. The meaning and the thoughts conveyed was profoundly deep. I can tell that you've put a lot of deep thought on this piece.

1st stanza " I thought God was an old man " ... Perhaps just like what Greek mythology portrayed in a person of Zeus. A god sitting in a stone throne. Eating grapes and drinking nectar. Distant and disengage from the cares and affairs of mankind. And when humans mess up, he sends lightning bolts and natural calamities until his anger is quenched. Release the Kraken!
Well this is exactly the opposite of what the God of the Bible did. He came into this world and pitched His tent among us. He left His glorious realm in heaven and identified Himself among us.
2nd stanza " I thought poems had to rhyme " ... Well don't we all think so ? then along came Haiku, Senryu, Tanka and Free Verse ...
3nd stanza " I thought wisdom was contained in the pages of books" ... Its amazing that you have already asked and thought about this word. How I wish I could get a book to acquire wisdom. Solomon was the wisest person that lived the face of the earth. His wisdom was second only to Jesus Christ. Yet Solomon did not go to prestigious school or university to acquire it. It was handed to him by God in a silver plate.
Who told him that was the best request to ask from God ? His father King David must have told him so.
4th stanza " I thought happiness could be achieved" ...There's a wise saying that no matter how hard you try. You just can't please everybody.
5th stanza " I thought love was a fairytale " ... Yes that is why Hollywood makes plenty of money . Titanic made a record box office hit. They turned a national tragedy into romantic story and it was a hit ! And don't we all love happy ending ? But love is not pure fantasy. Its work, marriage or any relationship is work. Love is sacrificial. Love at its highest level always look at the greatest interest or greater good of others . The best thing in life whether its a job, relationship, someone or something is not easily obtained without effort. Love is such an overused words. It takes effort and if its not, then its cheap love.
6th stanza " I thought I was a nobody " ... I would answer this stanza with a question. Who am I ? Why I am here ? What's my purpose ? ... If God created us to be a nobody then we might just as well be a grass or a plankton.
7th stanza " I thought just because things made sense they were absolute truths " ... Ah very clever of you. You have pondered the idea of absolute truth. You ever wondered why there's so many different religious denominations ? Somehow society has embrace the idea of relativism and discarded the fact that their is absolute truth. Why its so ? If we do believe and accept that there is such. Then we're afraid that we will have to answer and be accountable to Someone higher than us .

[Blue]

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! You really know what you are doing! Your reviews are pleasurable and insightful to read!

[NeiL ArandA]

So you finally got the chance and the time to read this because of your busy school schedule. Hope I have inspired you. You also write religious poems . Please keep going !

[Edward Lancheister]

well written words provoking about the common things & subject like "is it Reality or Just a Myths"

thanks for share

[Rick Stassi]

There is hope.
Eternal hope.
You have expressed nicely the hopeless dilemma.
There is love.
Eternal love.
Your verses incite thoughts of disillusionment.
I pray walking down this disillusioned path will allow the eternal hopeful Light to penetrate one's heart.
thanks for sharing this poem.

[A. Amos]

Blue this is one of my favorite piece I have read in writer's cafe, you took your readers to a journey and in between so many messages you shared. This poem define your brilliance and I truly enjoyed. Respect

[Blue]

Thank you so much, Amos!

[Rob Ert]

Just become a pagan and do what you feel is right. It's never late unless you are physically disabled...Include some hope in your poems. You are a human for god's sake.

[Blue]

Haha. Chuckling here. Thank you, Rob!

[Anand Sehgal]

A sense widening the vision. Great one :)
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[Blue]

Thank you, Anand!

[Prime]

Our thoughts sometimes bring out only the worse in us. . . but that is reality !

You've done a good job crafting a well-written piece of thoughtful reality.

[Blue]

Thank you so much!

[Rocans]

This was very very well written. You obviously are very intelligent, your use of English is next to flawless and your ideas are masterfully elucidated. Definitely one of the better poems I have read on here this year. It's good that the persona seems to know that her prior beliefs are false and that the world is much more flexible and dynamic and not absolute and rigid as people make it out to be. Good stuff!

[Blue]

I am honored. Thank you so much!

[KAin]

Been a while since i reviewed any of your work - picked this one and I'm glad i did. This is powerful work. You built up a rhythm to this poem that resonated throughout - repetition of the words "I thought" gave it a near-religious feeling - a mournful litany. I frequently heard the sounds of shattering glass as each line gave voice to a disillusion. There's so much that resonates in this poem, i believe that there's a part of it (and for some, all of it) that will speak to everyone who reads it. Fantastic work, Blue. Keep it up.

[Blue]

Thank you so much, Landred!

[Joyce S. Greene]

So many illusions we discard over the years, if we are lucky, Blue. This is a very wise poem and I applaud your ability to see through them at such a young age. Excellent poetry!

[Blue]

Thank you so much!

[Laminators Dubai]

amazing thought...I'm sick of all the lies too.

[Blue]

Thank you so much, Glitch!