Scene 1-Three Points

10/28/13

Three Points

Characters: Hans (21), Azure (18)

Setting: In a local bar, the present.

To expose her to the kind of world he lives in, Hans invited Azure in a local bar one Friday night. She has refused to drink even a drop of any beverage and declined invitations with the promise of "fun". She has decided to isolate herself in a lonely corner where the noise isn't much of an issue.

Hans: Would you like to dance?

Azure: My body lacks coordination. You know that.

Hans: What are you going to do then?

Azure: Sit here and watch people.

Hans (dryly): Sounds fun.

Azure: Dancing isn't fun, either.

Hans: Our definition differs.

Azure (teasingly): So go ahead. Dance and be crazy. Act out your idea of fun.

Hans: And let you stay here all by yourself? I can imagine every trouble you might attract.

Azure (leans forward, interested): Tell me your thoughts.

Hans: Drunk men. Perverts. Dangerous party-goers. The list is endless.

Azure (laughs): And why would I attract them, exactly?

Hans: You have no idea how vulnerable you look.

Azure (amused): Me? Vulnerable-looking? That's news!

Hans: No, really. Look at you.

Azure: I have a fair assessment of myself, thank you.

Hans: May I know what's going on inside that pretty head of yours?

Azure: You might be flattered--oh, that's not what we're talking about here. Uhm... My assessment of myself? I'm thinking I am the ultimate epitome of normal. (matter-of-factly)

Hans (chortles): Normal? Your dictionary is distorted, if not deceptive.

Azure (fakes an insulted face): Excuse me. I am the English major here.

Hans: Know what? I'm starting to question the quality of education in your university. (laughs again)

Azure: Tell me what's so funny.

Hans: You! You are being funny, Darling.

Azure (leans back, arms crossed): Justify it, please.

Hans: You are the opposite of normal, believe me. (Azure raises a brow, demanding an explanation.) First, your fashion sense is noticeably out of this era.

Azure: Long sleeves and knee-level skirts in pastel colors suit me just fine. I don't find it the least offensive in this generation.

Hans: I didn't say it's offensive. Just weird.

Azure: You expect me to conform to the latest fashion trend, is that it?

Hans: You're formulating wrong conclusions again.

Azure: I have been trained to read between the lines, you know.

Hans: Explanation and persuasion aren't the same thing. And before you argue further, let me proceed to my second point, okay?

Azure (sighs): You seem to have a long list.

Hans: List of moderate length. But then again, our definitions might vary...Oh, where are we? You distracted me.

Azure (grins): It's not my fault you have the attention span of a six-year-old.

Hans: Right. We are on the second point which refers to your...uhm...hobby.

Azure (surprised): You have issues on my hobby?

Hans: No! At least not to the degree that you think. (breathes) You see, reading books as often and as obsessively as you do isn't normal.

Azure: Okay... Tell me what you're thinking.

Hans: It's a condition I find...unhealthy. Alarming, even.

Azure (rolls eyes): Same modifiers I use to describe your addiction to cigarettes.

Hans (defiant): The list isn't about me.

Azure: I know. But I'd like you to see the vast difference between our addictions. You and your smoking, me and my reading. Main argument: mine isn't even half as life-threatening!

Hans: Not until a careless truck runs over you when you're reading a book while crossing the street.

Azure: And what would exactly compel me to do such mindless act? You know that I never read books while crossing streets! (voice rises slightly)

Hans: Yeah. But that's just an example showing how reading can be as dangerous as smoking.

Azure: You should have chosen a more realistic analogy considering facts about me.

Hans: I did. I just exaggerated it so that you'll clearly see my point.

Azure: Exaggerations are lies.

Hans: And your poetry is deceptively adorned with lies, then. (smirks)

Azure: What are you trying to say?

Hans: Remember when you told me that when you write poems, you tend to exaggerate things. Now, don't deny it.

Azure: Why would I deny it? Of course, I remember!

Hans: See the analogy?

Azure: Your analogy makes sense this time. I admit that's quite impressive. But you're missing something. In poetry, exaggeration is an art.

Hans: An art of lying.

Azure: An art of seeing beyond the obvious, the ordinary.

Hans: Whatever.

Azure (feeling triumphant): So you admit I'm right?

Hans: That's the third point.

Azure: Pardon?

Hans: You are the kind of person who wants to win every argument. You want every conversation to end with your last word.

Azure: Of course not! I just want to get my point across.

Hans: To the point of transforming any conversation into a debate.

Azure: Absolutely untrue! Hans, I always try to understand the other person. I only become defensive when I don't agree with what he or she says.

Hans: You always seem to find something to contradict.

Azure (chin up): Not me.

Hans: In this conversation, I can't recall a response hinting an agreement from you.

Azure: That's because your points are opinionated, lacking fact. Period.

Hans (shrugs shoulders): That justifies my third point.

Azure (sighs deeply): What's the fourth?

Hans (looking pleased): Only three for now. I don't want to exhaust you.

Azure: Come on.

Hans: So... Are the points well taken?

Azure: Weird fashion sense. Alarming reading habits. Bad inclination to argue. Three points which question my normalcy.

Hans (grins): You have a good memory.

Azure: I somehow don't agree with the adjectives attached.

Hans: Let me hear your suggestions, Miss Know-It-All.

Azure (sounding business-like): I don't want any. I just want those labels removed.

Hans (chuckles): No way!

Azure: Okay. It's absolutely a pleasure knowing you, Mr. Normal.

(She grabs her purse, and stands up, preparing to leave. Hans catches her wrist, stopping her.)

Hans (confused): Where are you going?

Azure: To a place where there's a handsome guy with the same dictionary as mine.

(She forces her wrist out of his grasp. Hans stands up and blocks her way.)

Hans: I'd like to wish you good luck but I'm selfish enough to not let you go.

Azure: You have laid out your wholesome three points, Hans. It was a very diplomatic way of banning me out of your league. I am honored by the undeserved courtesy.

(She pushes his chest in the attempt to shove him away but the effort makes no difference.)

Hans: Wait a moment. You got the wrong message.

Azure: Which message? The part where you said you are selfish enough not to let me go? Okay! Thank you for the clarification.

Hans: Not that.

Azure: Oh, sorry. Maybe you are trying to tell me you're looking for a "normal" girlfriend who looks like a Victoria's Secret model who spends every night doing her oh-so-awesome hobby which is curling her hair and who simply says yes to every crap that you say.

Hans: Darling, darling, darling...

(He tucks a stray mass of brown hair behind her ear.)

Azure (looking away): Stop using your charms on me, Hans.

Hans: You got everything completely misunderstood. Except for the selfish part, of course.

Azure: Yeah, go on. Exaggerate. (Hands on hips)

Hans: You see.... Those three points contradicting your definition of normalcy are the very things that make you downright extraordinary, my love.

Azure (completely taken off guard): Eh?

Hans: You still don't get it, silly?

Azure: I'm still digesting the information. This might take a while.

Hans: Okay. Let me help the truth sink in.

(He leans forward and kisses her. Sweet... Sensual... Soulful... It's so passionate and true Azure felt like crying. All her earlier fears seem so ridiculous now. She responds to his kiss with the same intensity and longing. The sensation is so indescribable, so irrational she thinks sanity has abandoned her for good. It makes no sense at all. In her life of logic, love has given her a puzzle.)

Hans: Do you now believe that I love you with all your idiosyncrasies? Or would you love to argue more?

Azure (smiles): I'd love another kiss, please?

© 2013 Azure Montessa (Blue)

Author's Note

What do you think of this? I'd appreciate your opinion very much. Thank you. :)

My Review

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Reviews

Donald

You have a flair for the dramatic. Nicely done'

Posted 11 Years Ago

10 Years Ago

Thank you, Donald!

Douglas White

I think that the -concept- you have working in this scene is strong. But where it is weak is the dialog. That isn't surprising, though. Dialog can be a real pain until you get the hang of it.

Here's a very fast lesson in learning how to write a better flowing, more natural sounding dialog - just listen to how people talk. No one special, just whoever happens to be nearby or talking to you at the time. Listen to yourself.

Now go back to the dialog here. Does the speech of either character "feel" natural? Read it aloud. Do the lines feel forced, stilted, unnatural to you? Remember that NO ONE speaks normally with perfect form, in any language, unless it's in a professional context (such as a courtroom). Even then, there tend to be common usage shortcuts in the language that everyone knows and no one notices.

The trick in writing dialog is to express what you want the characters to say, but allowing them to speak it in their own way. If you imagine them as real people, it makes it much easier to write each with a unique speaking pattern.

Think of two friends of yours having the above conversation. How would they speak to each other? What slang would they use? What gestures? How about body language?

When you write dialog, write more than just words to be spoken - write the unspoken language of gestures and body posture. As in real life, you will convey more information with a single expression or a change of posture than you will with just words alone.

When you do a rewrite (and you should - this is a good start), let your characters be more -real-. You will see a gigantic leap in your ability to write good dialog.

Posted 11 Years Ago

11 Years Ago

Thank you so much. :)

11 Years Ago

you are welcome

WithLoveandLoss.

This is incredibly romantic, and entrancing! I loved it and agree, I'd love to see more from these two in the future!

Posted 11 Years Ago

11 Years Ago

I have finished some scenes and you can check them in my profile. Thank you, as always. :)

Mae Taylor

I don't fully understand why she gets up to leave so suddenly, to me it came out of nowhere and towards the end more stage directions would be nice to better understand what the characters are thinking. Also in your prescript I would try to define the relationship between the two characters a little more (obviously not a whole lot no need to give things away). And a note while writing dialect, people don't tend to speak using such perfect English in everyday life, I understand Azure may use better grammar and such considering she's a English major but simple things like cutting of words early and spelling some words the way people pronounce them in everyday speech. This last one is just a minor optional note and is just used to make the scene more homely. Sorry I'm a theater Major I tend to get nip-picky about scripts haha. Aside from my minor notes I think you did a great job, I love the flirty conversational skills both characters have, Hans is very charming. Great job overall you've written a wonderful piece, I'd like to read more on these characters in the future :)