This I find interesting because it is so very similar to something I wrote (Demon in the Mirror). Two very different works, but essentially dealing with the same idea: you are your own worst enemy. I've had to face that frequently throughout my life, and I can say that you've captured the core of it quite well. Excellent poem, Blue.
A suggestion, if you're willing to tackle it: take this poem and do an alternate humorous version of it; imagine the day after a long night drinking and eating too much mexican food, or something along those lines. The framework is there to be something really hilarious, if you want to take a shot at it. (Anything really serious can be twisted to humor, and sometimes it's worth a try.)
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
I haven't written something humorous for quite a long time, Douglas. I'll try your suggestion. :) Th.. read moreI haven't written something humorous for quite a long time, Douglas. I'll try your suggestion. :) Thanks for your detailed review. :)
this is beautiful as per! i love how deep and raw this piece gets, it really gets down to the nitty gritty of it all and i love the hidden truth behind it all and its also very gripping, great job!! :D :)
I love this. It is very powerful, resonating with descriptions of the tribulations all souls endure. And the last stanza is epic with its impact. I only have a tiny suggestion, if it doesn't screw up your meter:
"You strip me off of my heart"
I would simply remove the "off" to look like this:
You strip me of my heart
It sounds more elegant and fits more seamlessly into the stanza that way. The last line is wonderful. We are all caught in that conundrum: Janus, the two-faced god, represents the two sides many humans wrestle with, and your poem describes this perfectly. Sometimes we don't do right because it is right, but because it is the choice we battled for.
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
This is such a detailed and encouraging review, Ann... thank you so much. :)
Everyone has a dark side and It has to be controlled and contained. It is a very well constructed and clever. You are truly a unique and talented person.
Half way through I figured it was you. we are without a doubt our worst enemy. When the Lord said we must forgive all I think he meant ourselves most of all.
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
And that's the hardest thing to do. Glad you dropped by, Mike. :)
I agree with doc Wood, it is your best to date. Plumbing the depths of oneself is always precarious but it's probably better than walking around with a bag on your head and your hand over your heart... a silly way to say it perhaps but I'm sure you understand. How could you not? You wrote this really great snapshot/portrait of how everyone (probably) approaches self-doubt; with condemnation of the reflections we think/believe we see in ourselves. However, sometimes those things we believe are faults can sometimes turn out to be strengths and characteristics that are admired and emulated by others. Thus the doc's wisdom, "..sometimes aint wise to self analyse"; a second or third opinion helps smooth out the data set. OK, time to set WINDBAG = OFF. Good job, Blue.
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
Tam!!!!!! You know how it feels like to be complimented my someone whose opinion you esteem? That's .. read moreTam!!!!!! You know how it feels like to be complimented my someone whose opinion you esteem? That's exactly what I feel now. Thank you. :)
11 Years Ago
Well, thank you for sharing, really - but don't get too depressed if your next one stinks and I'm no.. read moreWell, thank you for sharing, really - but don't get too depressed if your next one stinks and I'm not as enthusiastic (or worse). External encouragement is an erratic compass, at best. You're own sense of values and self-worth (whatever that may be) are the tools best used to chart ones destiny. Those about you may put wind in your sails, from time to time, but they can also leave you dying of thirst in a deathly calm. At those times, there's nothing to do but "row." Ain't life grand?! :)
Agreed. Is dark but brimming with honesty, as you acknowledge the similarities of you and who is your "monster". The best writing doesn't fear humility, love this as always. .
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
Thanks for your encouragement. I appreciate your reviews as always. :)