I Died Today

I just wonder what happens when one dies.

I am Joyce.

I am eighteen.

I died today.

My life unfolds right before me,

scene after scene,

like a nonstop movie marathon.

From the very second I was conceived

til my raw death,

I see myself

and the people who'd been a part of my journey--

family...friends...strangers.

Everybody adored me

my family, neighborhood, town.

I was intelligent, sharp,

painfully honest,

and virtuous.

I graced the church with my presence

and impressed the heavens with my religiosity.

I was practically the kind of person

everyone dreamed to be,

a candidate for sainthood.

At a young age,

I had my own timeline of dreams:

finish college with honors,

marry a doctor,

raise five or seven kids,

be a philanthropist,

change the world.

My promising career was intricately laid out.

My monumental success

had been prophesied by everybody.

I knew death.

I knew everybody dies.

I knew it could happen to anyone

at any given time.

But I was young

and I was foolish.

I never considered it to happen to me.

Not this soon.

I can still remember that night

when death disguised itself as a beautiful dream.

I never woke up.

My parents found me lifeless that morning

--and man, did they weep.

I see them.

I see how they bleed tears.

I want to reach out to them

but that's not possible.

I am dead now...

The news of my death spreads like a wildfire

and everyone grieves for me

Some retreat in revered silence.

Some console themselves in each other's arms.

They revere my name like I'm a saint

equal to St. Therese of the Child Jesus.

And each person has a story to tell:

litany of the good acts I had done

and numerous virtues they swear I have.

I wonder if their praises

can give me access to heaven...

Now that my life has ended,

I see how each piece fit with another

like a perfect puzzle.

Seemingly insignificant things

serve their own purpose:

the delays, the unheard prayers,

the tears and the yawns.

Every flaw, every success

everything

makes up the blueprint

of who I was meant to be.

It all makes sense to me now.

I am Joyce

I am eighteen

I died today.

Author's Note

I know this is quite lengthy, so if you have finished reading this, well, CONGRATULATIONS! You have surpassed the trial! ;)

Anyway, this piece is very tricky for me. I honestly don't know what to think of this poem. And I'm not saying this to fish compliments, okay? I've been trying lots of things recently and I want honest opinions on the changes of my writing styles. (?)

Thank you very much! Your reviews never go unappreciated. :x

Reviews

[MsJewel]

When we are young we are fearless..we don't think anything bad could happen to us - much less death. You captured that feeling well. Your poem is quite creative and bold - and very well written.

I like the ending - It all makes sense to me now - as if there is some closure and a feeling of serenity.

This is a poem I will read again and again.
:) Julie

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

I had been a bit philosophical these days. Haha. Thanks, Julie!

P.S. I'm waiting for that moment when I could say "It all makes sense to me now". :)

[Rita L. Sev]

This is a deep and pensive write. I find myself thinking of Joyce as if I knew her - one of my students, perhaps - and it hits home. Youth rarely thinks that death comes for them... until it does. Well and thoughtfully penned, Blue!

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Joyce is a fictional character whom I love so much.. And I'm flattered that you thought you knew her. :) Hmm, yes. That's exactly what I want young people to realize. It doesn't matter whether you're young or old. Death can happen to anyone anytime. Thanks for your kind words, Rita! It's great to be complimented by a teacher. :)

[Clara]

I thought the concept and how you delivered it -- was great.
It was interesting and reflective for someone of 18 years of age.

This might be a personal thing but I don't think I would write:

' -- and man, did they weep'

instead I would write:

'and how they wept'

Keep on the good work. :)

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Hey, that was exactly how I would like it to sound. But the phrase "how they wept" never occurred to me that day so I settled with "did they weep". Thanks, Lola! Glad you liked this piece. :)

[Clara]

You're welcome. :)

[WithLoveandLoss.]

In awe, Blue! Everything about this is tragically beautiful, and the photograph most definitely does the poem justice. Your depth and ingenious ability to paint a character, and existence is truly inspiring. Thank you for this.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

I appreciate your dropping by to read my work... Your reviews always inspire me. Thanks, again. :x

[Douglas White]

I think that you experimenting is going to only improve your writing and help you find your "groove" - that style and flow that is as distinct to each writer as a fingerprint.

I think that this is a good attempt to see past the veil, as a first draft. You could take this and literally pick it apart and create a myriad of writings from it, in many directions. Take this poem and work it some more, and try different approaches. You have it as a poem - write it as a stage play, a short story, a news article, third person, first person, drama, comedy, suspense, etc. You get the idea. You core story is solid and well worth the effort it will take to go through the different approaches. Even if you only try a few of the ideas I've listed, you'll see the story in new ways, and that will spark new ideas. Don't be afraid to go WAY past the "limits" that you perceive in the story. There really aren't any.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Heyyy, cool suggestions! I never thought of them before. Thanks a lot, Doug! You are brilliant!

[MikeV]

When i read this, it reminds me of someone scared of death
i see someone who ponders the idea of death a lot
i felt your emotions deeply, Blue
Well written, my friend :)

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

You are cool, Mike! Always reading my poems and leaving behind beautiful comments. Thank you so much! ;)

[C'vasis J'c]

Well, truly reviewing, its awesome with a different kinda taste.. maybe Raw!
I like the imagination of being dead but somehow believe Joyce is still alive.
"Seemingly insignificant things serve their own purpose".. this is so true and this realization makes this work a superhit!

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Cool, C'vasis. Your review is sooo cool. Thank you so much! :x

[Anand Sehgal]

I knew death.
I knew everybody dies.
I knew it could happen to anyone
at any given time.
But I was young
and I was foolish.
I never considered it to happen to me.
Not this soon.

the eternal blindness we all have. wonderful write about ephemeral life.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thanks, Anand... That's one of my favorite stanzas there. :)

[Anand Sehgal]

mine too :)

[Tam Warink]

I see this as a continuation of your journey toward prose freedom. Topically, it renders the contemplations of each individual that seeks to answer the question, "Will anyone miss me or care when I'm gone?" Of course, this is an exploration of another facet of love but colored with a palette of depressive gloom. There is, however, a nice balance between the light and dark with necessary highlights of hope; they provide a realistic depth-of-field that ensure that salient points appear with more than a simple two-dimensional treatment. All in all, while perhaps not your best, I think this demonstrates a steady, forward progression toward your stated goal of prose development and ultimate mastery.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

I'm honored that you take note of my baby steps, Tam. Your reviews are always impressive and enlightening.. I think I'm beginning to be comfortable in free verse. Thanks for guiding me all the way! ;)