I Died Today

I just wonder what happens when one dies.

I am Joyce.

I am eighteen.

I died today.

My life unfolds right before me,

scene after scene,

like a nonstop movie marathon.

From the very second I was conceived

til my raw death,

I see myself

and the people who'd been a part of my journey--

family...friends...strangers.

Everybody adored me

my family, neighborhood, town.

I was intelligent, sharp,

painfully honest,

and virtuous.

I graced the church with my presence

and impressed the heavens with my religiosity.

I was practically the kind of person

everyone dreamed to be,

a candidate for sainthood.

At a young age,

I had my own timeline of dreams:

finish college with honors,

marry a doctor,

raise five or seven kids,

be a philanthropist,

change the world.

My promising career was intricately laid out.

My monumental success

had been prophesied by everybody.

I knew death.

I knew everybody dies.

I knew it could happen to anyone

at any given time.

But I was young

and I was foolish.

I never considered it to happen to me.

Not this soon.

I can still remember that night

when death disguised itself as a beautiful dream.

I never woke up.

My parents found me lifeless that morning

--and man, did they weep.

I see them.

I see how they bleed tears.

I want to reach out to them

but that's not possible.

I am dead now...

The news of my death spreads like a wildfire

and everyone grieves for me

Some retreat in revered silence.

Some console themselves in each other's arms.

They revere my name like I'm a saint

equal to St. Therese of the Child Jesus.

And each person has a story to tell:

litany of the good acts I had done

and numerous virtues they swear I have.

I wonder if their praises

can give me access to heaven...

Now that my life has ended,

I see how each piece fit with another

like a perfect puzzle.

Seemingly insignificant things

serve their own purpose:

the delays, the unheard prayers,

the tears and the yawns.

Every flaw, every success

everything

makes up the blueprint

of who I was meant to be.

It all makes sense to me now.

I am Joyce

I am eighteen

I died today.

Author's Note

I know this is quite lengthy, so if you have finished reading this, well, CONGRATULATIONS! You have surpassed the trial! ;)

Anyway, this piece is very tricky for me. I honestly don't know what to think of this poem. And I'm not saying this to fish compliments, okay? I've been trying lots of things recently and I want honest opinions on the changes of my writing styles. (?)

Thank you very much! Your reviews never go unappreciated. :x

Reviews

[Michael G. Smith]

I enjoyed this eulogy of Joyce. If I may make a few observations my mind as I read this excellent piece. It rhymed without the marathon after movie; the word religiousity seemed a little awkward. I thought my impressions upon heaven faithfully? Lastly, I read Jesus Christ seemed to flow a bit better. A question is Joyce a real person?

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

I'm impressed with your careful observations, Mike. Most reviewers tend to critique a poem as a whole.. :) As for Joyce, well, let's just say she's a fictional character based on a real person, whose characteristics have been exaggerated for this sole purpose. Thanks again, Mike! :x

[Michael G. Smith]

No problem. Thanks for critiquing my When men trifle with... piece. I believe this is what this community is about; helping each other improve.

[L.Edward]

Yeah, wow. Spellbinding. A voice chanelled from the grave it seems.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thanks, L.Edward. I'm honored you found it that way. :x

[L.Edward]

Your welcome.

[OTownPete]

This is a very somber write that leaves the reader with many questions. Why and how did she die...was she driving and texting or just out for the evening in a bad neighborhood? This was very well constructed and yes I made it to the end. Your friend in words, Pete

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thanks for your words, Pete.. Glad you like it. :x

[Cassie]

Ohh I finished it and it was engrossing, I loved it. My opinion, very sad, very moving and it is like a lesson, we need to live our lives to the fullest so that the legacy we leave behind is good and it will always be remembered.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Wow, lovely insights! Thanks, Cassie! This piece has made me realized lots of things, too. :x

[Donald]

I can tell you pull a lot of thought into this one. It is very sad and true in many instants. What a young girl thinks as she comes of age and then it is all gone. A very moving pieces. Well done!

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thanks, Donald. This has undergone lots of revisions. :x

[nibhz]

a grim dark poem, one seriously feel the flashback, the pain a dead would feel if he/she sees what happens to the relatives after their death... loved the last paragragh-
Now that my life has ended,
I see how each piece fit with another
like a perfect puzzle.
Seemingly insignificant things
serve their own purpose:
the delays, the unheard prayers,
the tears and the yawns.
Every flaw, every success
everything
makes up the blueprint
of who I was meant to be.

loved this part of the poem. great insight and imagination! keep writing!

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

That stanza took a lot of time to finish. Thanks as always, nibhz. You always seem to review on everything that I had written. ;)

[nibhz]

you are welcome! your work interesting and different but I guess I haven't gone through each of your work!

[Dhaye]

A very sensitive concept. You know, sis..I have a piece entitled "The Day I Died' which tells about two same things happened in that day. I'm really scared to die, that's why I made a twist in the last two verses of the poem. LOL.

This is tragic but written beautifully...and somewhat gives a slight impression of how a ghost acts, thinks and feels.

Bravo, sis!

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Now, look at that! I was thinking of naming it "The Day I Died" but changed it at the last second. Haha. I hope I can read that. I have lots of RRs lately (90+). Hard to keep up! LOL

I'll get back to you soon. And thanks for your encouragement and support. As always! :x

[Dhaye]

You're welcome. :)

[wordwarrior]

Wow, this is very powerful writing. It reads to me like someone who had it all, didn't recognise it or chose to ignore what was there for the taking, to take risks with life, except they were those sorts of risks that lead to death, those drug filled, daredevil things that aren't meant to be.
I love how you repeated the first verse again at the end. It makes this all the more powerful.
Excellent, I thought.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

I'm glad you came up with that realization, Wordwarrior. :) And thanks for your reviews! You are always appreciated. :)

[Eddie Davis]

It reads almost as her epitaph, and leaves you wondering why she died. It really makes you think of how others might look at your death and how tragic the death is of a young person. It is rather dark and almost ghostly, as if she was speaking this as she simply faded away. Although it is, as usual, very well done, and though (again as usual) your choice of photo to accompany this poem was perfect, I am not as fond of this poem as I am of your other work. I'm not saying it is not good, just that it just doesn't reach me like some of your other stuff does. Your best use of words was 'they bleed tears' -- that was very descriptive and you seem to be a master of that.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

After I have finished writing a poem, it feels like I'm compelled to write a better one. I've been receiving lots of positive and humbling reviews lately and, you know, I am pressured to top the last piece. :) Thanks for your honest remarks, Eddie. Though I still don't understand why you seem to think so highly of me..

[Eddie Davis]

Blue, I see that you are a straight-forward writer that writes honestly with great skill in your crafting. I know quality when I read it. You are talented and deserve the praise you get.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

I can't thank you enough, Eddie. I'm moved beyond words. But, yeah... Thanks a lot.. and I mean, A LOT. Have a great day! :)