I Died Today

I just wonder what happens when one dies.

I am Joyce.

I am eighteen.

I died today.

My life unfolds right before me,

scene after scene,

like a nonstop movie marathon.

From the very second I was conceived

til my raw death,

I see myself

and the people who'd been a part of my journey--

family...friends...strangers.

Everybody adored me

my family, neighborhood, town.

I was intelligent, sharp,

painfully honest,

and virtuous.

I graced the church with my presence

and impressed the heavens with my religiosity.

I was practically the kind of person

everyone dreamed to be,

a candidate for sainthood.

At a young age,

I had my own timeline of dreams:

finish college with honors,

marry a doctor,

raise five or seven kids,

be a philanthropist,

change the world.

My promising career was intricately laid out.

My monumental success

had been prophesied by everybody.

I knew death.

I knew everybody dies.

I knew it could happen to anyone

at any given time.

But I was young

and I was foolish.

I never considered it to happen to me.

Not this soon.

I can still remember that night

when death disguised itself as a beautiful dream.

I never woke up.

My parents found me lifeless that morning

--and man, did they weep.

I see them.

I see how they bleed tears.

I want to reach out to them

but that's not possible.

I am dead now...

The news of my death spreads like a wildfire

and everyone grieves for me

Some retreat in revered silence.

Some console themselves in each other's arms.

They revere my name like I'm a saint

equal to St. Therese of the Child Jesus.

And each person has a story to tell:

litany of the good acts I had done

and numerous virtues they swear I have.

I wonder if their praises

can give me access to heaven...

Now that my life has ended,

I see how each piece fit with another

like a perfect puzzle.

Seemingly insignificant things

serve their own purpose:

the delays, the unheard prayers,

the tears and the yawns.

Every flaw, every success

everything

makes up the blueprint

of who I was meant to be.

It all makes sense to me now.

I am Joyce

I am eighteen

I died today.

Author's Note

I know this is quite lengthy, so if you have finished reading this, well, CONGRATULATIONS! You have surpassed the trial! ;)

Anyway, this piece is very tricky for me. I honestly don't know what to think of this poem. And I'm not saying this to fish compliments, okay? I've been trying lots of things recently and I want honest opinions on the changes of my writing styles. (?)

Thank you very much! Your reviews never go unappreciated. :x

Reviews

[Chris]

Blue,

Real time: did this say something you WANTED others to FEEL? Do we ask the right and relevant questions within our comments that show we drew what YOU were alluding to? Do we "get-it"?

Your style or form or choice is always yours irregardless of its currentness. We always question our work but seldom our motives.

To me it was:
Wondering what happens as one lives... a setting of wish-it-weres and what was real. A questioning of did I do's and an introspective look at did-they-cares or notice for real. I didn't once sense an I was happy or how I felt through the living.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Aww, I agree, Chris. Thank you for your insights! Always appreciated. :)

[Will Neill]

Blue, When it comes to writing something it is only finished when you are happy with it, if you express yourself and it takes two line's then that's ok-so too if it takes ten. Those who wish to read your poems will do so even if they are 'lenghy' . Never conform just to be popular. For me it read more like a story than poem, but strong and powerfull lines carry it along.Nice work.
Will

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thanks for your constructive review, Will. I'll bear that in mind. My poems are usually of average length so when one piece goes a little too long, I get concerned. Yes, I agree that this is more like a story. But I love the structure of a poem so I came up with this. Thank you so much, Will!

[BL]

A unique tale in which the length is not an issue, thinking of two future outcomes for a life in this way is very insightful. To throw a life onto a random and exciting course is hard to do

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thanks a lot, Bluely!!!! :)

[annie lee]

What a sad story -- with so many to parallel it in real life, it makes it that much more tragic. They float along on clouds of popularity and the giddy elation of beauty and the illusion of immortality and indestructibility. But those little innocuous pills have the power to take them down. What a pity they can't see it.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Yes, Annie.. The world is blind and ignorant. Thanks for dropping by. :)

[Mizo4]

aw i loved this. it would be a great opening for a novel, it's a beautiful poem, it's powerful and adds for a world of story beyond the poem. Definatly a good one :D

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Novel!! I haven't thought of that. :) Thanks, Marion! :)

[Mizo4]

:) you're welcome

[Mark]

I tried to think of a criticism, but I have none. The write is honest and respectful. I've had a lot of death in my life. I accept it while still missing those that have died.

This reminds me a bit of that Band Perry song "If I Die Young".

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

That came to my mind as well.. Thanks a lot, Mark.. And I admire your acceptance of "death". That's very courageous of you.

[Susan McCaskill]

It's very interesting; as you say in the poem, one never knows when Death will come calling. This is a totally personal thing, but I have issues with religious overtones, so it wasn't the best for me. Having said that, the structure was well done, and the use of language imaginative. From that point of view, it was an excellent poem.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thanks a lot, Susan! Your reviews mean a lot to me. :)

[Mike Emil]

length???
don't talk to me about length
you write the words as they flow
don't let things like length and meter or rules or boundaries take away from you
HAI!!!

does no one listen???
write and write some more if you like
and fish compliments only come after a real long session at a sushi bar with good plum wine!!!
HAI!!!

you kids make me mad
when you dishonor your own talents
because you think less of them yourselves!!!
HAI!!!

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Wow, thanks, Mike. And sorry if I made you mad. That's not my intention. :) Thanks for dropping by! Have a great day to you!

[kublakhan27]

A poignant and introspective journey...of course we all take this journey at some point but you've put your own unique stamp on it and produced something that has the potential to stick to a reader long after it's been read...nicely done :)

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thanks a lot! I hope Joyce will always be remembered. :)

[kublakhan27]

My pleasure Blue...I'm sure she will :)

[lee von cleef]

I like the premise, I have fought with the same (in writing )and lived with through loss, (Sudden, unexpected)see ( Soul, Courtney my Daughter) and they might help you pierce you inner emotions to the paper.a deep dark adventure to write a piece like this.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

I love your style of writing. You say so much using just a few words. :)