I Died Today

I just wonder what happens when one dies.

I am Joyce.

I am eighteen.

I died today.

My life unfolds right before me,

scene after scene,

like a nonstop movie marathon.

From the very second I was conceived

til my raw death,

I see myself

and the people who'd been a part of my journey--

family...friends...strangers.

Everybody adored me

my family, neighborhood, town.

I was intelligent, sharp,

painfully honest,

and virtuous.

I graced the church with my presence

and impressed the heavens with my religiosity.

I was practically the kind of person

everyone dreamed to be,

a candidate for sainthood.

At a young age,

I had my own timeline of dreams:

finish college with honors,

marry a doctor,

raise five or seven kids,

be a philanthropist,

change the world.

My promising career was intricately laid out.

My monumental success

had been prophesied by everybody.

I knew death.

I knew everybody dies.

I knew it could happen to anyone

at any given time.

But I was young

and I was foolish.

I never considered it to happen to me.

Not this soon.

I can still remember that night

when death disguised itself as a beautiful dream.

I never woke up.

My parents found me lifeless that morning

--and man, did they weep.

I see them.

I see how they bleed tears.

I want to reach out to them

but that's not possible.

I am dead now...

The news of my death spreads like a wildfire

and everyone grieves for me

Some retreat in revered silence.

Some console themselves in each other's arms.

They revere my name like I'm a saint

equal to St. Therese of the Child Jesus.

And each person has a story to tell:

litany of the good acts I had done

and numerous virtues they swear I have.

I wonder if their praises

can give me access to heaven...

Now that my life has ended,

I see how each piece fit with another

like a perfect puzzle.

Seemingly insignificant things

serve their own purpose:

the delays, the unheard prayers,

the tears and the yawns.

Every flaw, every success

everything

makes up the blueprint

of who I was meant to be.

It all makes sense to me now.

I am Joyce

I am eighteen

I died today.

Author's Note

I know this is quite lengthy, so if you have finished reading this, well, CONGRATULATIONS! You have surpassed the trial! ;)

Anyway, this piece is very tricky for me. I honestly don't know what to think of this poem. And I'm not saying this to fish compliments, okay? I've been trying lots of things recently and I want honest opinions on the changes of my writing styles. (?)

Thank you very much! Your reviews never go unappreciated. :x

Reviews

[Bowers]

this was a beautiful write, you produced the words of life, praise and death in a perfectly laid out poem. your writing lays out in wonderful words, a sense of life, a picture of a young girl, used to belonging, used to compliments, almost a perfect being, yet you slip in the thought of death, something that weighs heavy on our lifes, yet still we are happy? you did a lovely job portraying the image of the girl, living through a perfect life yet still ending with the same fate everyone else does. :) I loved it

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you so much, Becky. :)

[Bowers]

your so welcome! :)

[Tom]

I would imagine most of us if we're honest, think along similar lines every now and again and all perfectly normal to wonder what impression if any, we would leave behind if one was called home at short notice!

You have expressed and crafted these thoughts and emotions very eloquently in poetic words and kudos to you for this exceptional, imaginative poem !

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thanks a lot, Tom. As always.

[Zachary Dary]

I like it. It actually sorta relates to me. I'm praised a lot for things I do (not meaning to be narcissistic) and I always think about death. "What would my family do without me?" "Who would cry thinking about me?" etc. You used great diction and it is very good.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

I think it's quite natural to ponder upon these thoughts, Zach. I've attended a funeral lately and it struck me how death is ... is part of nature yet we fear it. I also think about what people would think of me right after I die. Thanks for your wonderful comment on this, Zach. Nice to meet you! :)

[TL Boehm]

It is such a somber thought - ones own death and what people will think, how they will react. I found it fascinating that the poem addresses the "Fit" of death, how everything is intended and not chaotic - and the little bit about "I didn't think It would happen to me." Well penned.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Yes, people are ignorant of the obvious. Thanks for this, Boehm. Well-appreciated! :)

[I Am Svetlana]

I adore the story you unfolded with this particular piece, though I do understand this could most likely be just a draft. But editing is what you basically have to figure out what details are most needed to progress the piece and which ones aren't right for it or that manage to hold it back. Everyone has a time in their life when they have everything figured out, not ever expecting to die sooner than later. Unexpected deaths are always a tragedy, but it's a thrill to know that this girl had many brilliant things that she could be remembered for :)

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Wow, Svetlana. You are the very first person to point out that this is actually a draft. :) Yes, editing is always hard for me. I feel like "losing" a part of myself whenever I delete a line or two. But I think I'm being quite 'okay' with editing these days. My latest poems "You" and "Never a Fairytale" had undergone major revisions. Thanks for your heartwarming reviews! :)

[I Am Svetlana]

Editing is quite a difficult task for me as well. I always hate deleting certain lines cause I always seem to write them again somewhere else if I happen to remember them. It's just a process to figure out what parts would be important for the reader to know and which the reader would originally pass over. And you're most welcome :) your talent is remarkable!

[Rose of many colours]

I read the whole..and I did had some thoughts like these when I was about 15 years old... not the professional part though.. yours are extravant.... I thought I would die young..so I visualise my death and funeral....well here am I reading A live poet write.. bless God..

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you so much! Best wishes on your writing career, too. :)

[Ency Bearis]

I like your concept and written this poem with such touch of pathos, great presentation indeed. With regards to your note that this is a quite long poem it doesn't matter for a reader who are interested to such literary work.They will read it if there's significance. I did once a long poem and it is in my book - A One Two One - 121 Poems In Random. It consumed 8 pages of the book, but some reviewer love it as it is like a love story poem.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

I usually write poems of average length so when I realized this piece was somehow long, I got concerned. And, congratulations to your book. It's such an honor for someone like you to drop by to ready my humble works. Thank you. :)

[Mittens]

One piece of advice I always give out to writers is "the devil is in the details" because small things illicit connections better than the grand scale of story. I see there's no reason to give that same advice to you; this is a fantastic job of giving us the kind of information that makes the character's passing that much more tragic.

There's one line that seems to stand out a little out of character with the rest. When she talks about her parents, she says "--and man, did they weep." This is only time that type of phrasing is used. I'm not sure why it caught my eye but it just seemed like it was a stylistic departure from the rest. For all I know that's your intention, so it might be a mute point.

Another great piece, Blue.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

I think of this more of a draft than a product, just to check if I need revisions or something.. And thanks for taking notice of the smallest error possible. It's nice to have reviewers like you who give detailed reviews. :)

[Mittens]

Thanks, Blue, I'm always happy to review your work because it's very enjoyable stuff. :) By the way, if you ever think I'm being nitpicking or unreasonable for pointing out those miniscule things in first drafts please let me know.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Come on, Matt!! You never are a bother to me. In fact, it's your opinions which I look forward to reading every time I post my stuff here. I esteem your reviews more than you'll ever know. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

It is a very good poem. I like the story in the poem. You gave some history and gave life and purpose to the girl.
"I knew death.
I knew everybody dies."
The logic of the poem was direct and honest. The above line is true. I tell people. We must be born and we must die. Tried to enjoy the middle. Thank you for sharing the excellent poem. You did well. The poem create thoughts to ponder upon.
Coyote

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

After reading the reviews of this poem, I noticed that each seemed to have their own favorite line/s or own insights. Thanks for sharing me yours, Coyote.

I love it when you said, "We must be born and we must die. Try to enjoy the middle." :)

[Leeci]

Nice story, makes one contemplate and ponder upon death and an interesting point of view. You bought the character to life in this piece, I was just wondering how did she die? She had such a promising life ahead. Good job :)

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

I guess you might have overlooked, Leeci. It's in this stanza:

I can still remember that night
when death disguised itself as a beautiful dream.
I never woke up.
My parents found me lifeless that morning

And thank you so much. Your reviews give me delight. :)

[Leeci]

Yups i saw it, but was wondering if it might have been a tragic death

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Haha, I've never been brutal in my poetry somehow. ;)

[Leeci]

ok that's nice lol, glad your character didn't face that