The Girl in Black

The girl, who once had been faithfully white, now accepts her new identity in color black.

Amidst the party lights

And women scant'ly clad

I catch the worst of sights

A girl in  black  goes bad.

I know her very well

Her name is Mary Claire

She's never been to hell

I wonder why she's there.

Her wings and  halo gone

Her innocence long dead

Just judgment has been done

For lust and sins unsaid.

T'was I who stole her all

Her life, so pure and chaste

As I devour her soul

I sigh upon such waste.

The girl I once had loved

Now angel's tainted black

Thrown from heaven above

She's never coming back.

Author's Note

These days, I had been trying to write free verse. However, I constantly find myself drifting back to rhymes. This time, I tried ABAB rhyme scheme (contrary to my usual AABB). Your comments would help me a lot. Thank you. :X

Reviews

[Sue]

I agree this is dark, and I do like the ABAB rhyme myself - I like it too :)

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you, Sue. Nice meeting you. ;)

[Frieda P]

Oooh twisted and darkly ominous, I like this one Blue...

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you, Frieda... :x

[Frieda P]

You're welcome, enjoyed :-)

[Cody Williams]

I clicked on this story mainly because of the title. I wrote a story recently called "The Man In Black" which is the second installment of my series THE LOST EMPIRE. I feel that the two characters are similar while also being completely different. The Man In Black is an evil wizard who was vanished out of town after town as he attempted to become a God. Yes, that is a metaphor from the devil being kicked out of heaven. The Girl in Black was vanished from heaven. I had the feeling that this "Girl in Black" was not evil like The Man In Black is.

Anyway, I thought that it was a very entertaining piece with an interesting title. Thanks for sharing it!

-CW

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Hmm, wow. What a coincidence! :) Thank you, William for this. ;) Yes, indeed, I see similarities and differences. Sorry but I can't read your stories as much as I would love to! I'm a very busy person who rarely gets online unless it's important. I just drop by every now and then here on WC. But please feel free to send me RRs. Thanks for the friendship!

[SyberRose]

Nicely done...i like abab or abcb myself...enjoyed...Rose:)

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you, Rose. :X

[Mark]

Well done rhyme. It works for me.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you so much, Mark! :)

[MikeV]

I loved this! You made the ABAB rhyme scheme your own in this one
Nicely done! :)

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thanks for the comment, Mike. ;) I look forward to writing a sensual poem. Something I had never done before. Lol. Wish me luck. ;)

[MikeV]

Goodluck my friend :) i want a read request when youre through, i really
enjoy your work :)

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Hahaha. Lemme see if my muse will help me with that. ;)

[Distantview123]

Dark and slightly mysterious. I enjoyed reading this. ~ Robert.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you so much, Robert. :X

[Bethany_Savy]

it had sort of a dark feeling to it!

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Yes, thank you for having felt the darkness of it. :)

[Lydia Shutter]

I actually liked the ABAB rhyme scheme....it is less choppy than rhyming couplets are. Once the genie is out of the bottle, no way to squeeze him back in. Those who walk on the dark side often become lifetime reidents! A good write. Lydi**

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thanks for this insightful review. ;)

[Michael G. Smith]

... From Devil's sex. Sorry, your last line appears in my poem also. Man or woman a natural enemy god. We tend towards the carnal pleasures. You have such a condemning finality to her being. Thank goodness for the atonement of Christ this is always or second chance if we sincerely choose it.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Yes, indeed. Thank you for your enlightening review. :)