The Girl in Black

The girl, who once had been faithfully white, now accepts her new identity in color black.

Amidst the party lights

And women scant'ly clad

I catch the worst of sights

A girl in  black  goes bad.

I know her very well

Her name is Mary Claire

She's never been to hell

I wonder why she's there.

Her wings and  halo gone

Her innocence long dead

Just judgment has been done

For lust and sins unsaid.

T'was I who stole her all

Her life, so pure and chaste

As I devour her soul

I sigh upon such waste.

The girl I once had loved

Now angel's tainted black

Thrown from heaven above

She's never coming back.

Author's Note

These days, I had been trying to write free verse. However, I constantly find myself drifting back to rhymes. This time, I tried ABAB rhyme scheme (contrary to my usual AABB). Your comments would help me a lot. Thank you. :X

Reviews

[Eddie Davis]

Interesting, you get the feel that the point of view is both an ex-boyfriend and/or the devil. Your rhyming flows well.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Wow. I'm amazed that you know I wrote from the point of view of exboyfriend and/or devil. You are a genius! Thanks for this, Eddie. :x

[Serena Monteleone]

I love this, excellent work :)

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you, Serena. :x

[dw817]

⊰ℛℛ⊱
Excellent poetry at that, Blue. I tend to use the AABB poetic style for my stuff, but this one is a great write !

And it tells an interesting story. Truly I consider heaven is not judgmental. I think - in our end days, we somehow wind up judging ourselves. And curiously in that time, we =ARE= fair, not because it is by choice, but because it is the right thing to do.

Is goodness a little like this ? It is not by choice but because it is correct with the universe to hold this balance of light over dark ?

As for Mary Claire, she may be coming back. I remember watching a movie, "Solaris," and in there a woman's spirit told a man, "All is forgiven." Those simple 3-words. They made a great impact in me - for the very fact I didn't understand the reasoning behind it - and perhaps that was the point.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you so much for your insights. I truly appreciate your taking time to contemplate on the content of my poem. And yes, I agree with what you said in the second paragraph.

"All is forgiven" is exactly what I need to hear at this moment. After all, I see myself in Mary Claire. Just like her, those three words are all that I need to "get back to heaven".

Thank you for this excellent review. :x

[dw817]

Absolutely. Take care ...

[Me]

Love this excellent piece :) x

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you so much, Raven. :x

[Leeci]

much has been said about a girl's stained reputation/character. interesting poem, nicely done :)

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Yes, thank you, Leeci. :x

[JayJayBlue]

Great work, I loved the last stanza, keep up the good work

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

I will, Jay. Thank you so much. :x

[Travis Gibson (poetic h..]

A good piece on transformation... purity is much to difficult a standard for us to maintain. I enjoyed the rhyme scheme, it flowed well, and you gave each line purpose.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Yes, I agree with your statement about purity. Thank you for your review. Well-appreciated. :x

[Pryde Foltz]

This idea of the fallen woman has my attention too. A very strong write, Blue.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

We live in a fallen society. Thank you so much, Pryde! :x

[BL]

Good rhyming, makes it flow along nicely, I like the story within

[Plume de flamme]

Lovely poem and the rhymes scheme worked just find for more. Hopefully, with time, this girl in black will learn to wear grey like the rest of us,