The Girl in Black

The girl, who once had been faithfully white, now accepts her new identity in color black.

Amidst the party lights

And women scant'ly clad

I catch the worst of sights

A girl in  black  goes bad.

I know her very well

Her name is Mary Claire

She's never been to hell

I wonder why she's there.

Her wings and  halo gone

Her innocence long dead

Just judgment has been done

For lust and sins unsaid.

T'was I who stole her all

Her life, so pure and chaste

As I devour her soul

I sigh upon such waste.

The girl I once had loved

Now angel's tainted black

Thrown from heaven above

She's never coming back.

Author's Note

These days, I had been trying to write free verse. However, I constantly find myself drifting back to rhymes. This time, I tried ABAB rhyme scheme (contrary to my usual AABB). Your comments would help me a lot. Thank you. :X

Reviews

[joshua deathdealer]

I like the flow and visuals. Nice with the emotions too.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you so much, Josh. Glad you dropped by. :)

[Mittens]

This is definitely a change of pace from the last one of yours I read, which was "Moth and Fire". I really like that you're experimenting with new layouts; it's way too easy for writers to get into a habit of doing the same thing over and over so it's good to see you branching out. I actually find it much harder to work within rhyme schemes than without, so you get extra kudos for doing something so difficult.

Another great piece of work. Keep it up. :)

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you so much, Matt. I always appreciate your constructive and encouraging reviews of my writings. :x

[Quoting Ravens]

Oooh thrown from Heaven is always interesting.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Haha. Yes, indeed. Thanks for dropping by, Ravens. :x

[Donald]

It is never easy to see someone you loved go so bad. Well written.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thanks a lot, Donald. :x

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

What had happened to somebody you once loved was so heartbreaking. Anyway, you claimed that you were the reason of it all.

Nice rhyme scheme and wordplay.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thanks, Dhaye. Nice to meet you. :x

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Nice to meet you too, Kabayan.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Hahaha. I haven't noticed. Hello. ;)

[OTownPete]

Your rhyme scheme worked and the the message was effectively conveyed. Well done.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you so much, Pete. :x

[Ciara Di Salle]

I really love this, really well phrased

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you, Ciara! :x

[kublakhan27]

From a technical standpoint, this is marvelous...the form is spot-on perfect...even though free verse appears to be where my own strength lies, I'm overwhelmed with comfort when I come across a poet who stays true to the roots of this precious form of communication that we call poetry...as time flies on, the line between heaven and hell, of purity and corruption, becomes thinner and blurrier...you've brought all these elements together and produced an amazing piece of writing.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you for this encouraging and constructive review! Your comments mean so much to me. :x

[kublakhan27]

Anytime my friend :)

[LQSwift]

I liked the flow of this... I usually write whatever... for the most mine don't rhyme... I don't have any of my poems up yet... but will soon.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you so much! I look forward to reading your poems, soon. Send me RRs. :x

[Rita L. Sev]

Fallen from grace - you portray this concept well. I tend to write more in rhyme than not, though there are some ideas that just flow better in free verse. I think you do rhyme very well, Blue!

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you so much, Rita! I appreciate this very much. :x