The Girl in Black

The girl, who once had been faithfully white, now accepts her new identity in color black.

Amidst the party lights

And women scant'ly clad

I catch the worst of sights

A girl in  black  goes bad.

I know her very well

Her name is Mary Claire

She's never been to hell

I wonder why she's there.

Her wings and  halo gone

Her innocence long dead

Just judgment has been done

For lust and sins unsaid.

T'was I who stole her all

Her life, so pure and chaste

As I devour her soul

I sigh upon such waste.

The girl I once had loved

Now angel's tainted black

Thrown from heaven above

She's never coming back.

Author's Note

These days, I had been trying to write free verse. However, I constantly find myself drifting back to rhymes. This time, I tried ABAB rhyme scheme (contrary to my usual AABB). Your comments would help me a lot. Thank you. :X

Reviews

[Alanna Nox]

I love this! A great way to tell the story of a typical good girl gone bad.. very nice :)
~Nox

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thanks, Alanna. I like your avatar, anyway! :x

[Tom C]

The rhyme is wonderful. It feels so good and you bring it to complete conclusion. I like that.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thanks, Tom! :x

[Sabrina Jade Howard]

This is awesome! Although it's really sad. You have a very old-timey voice in this poem. I like it. :)

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Sabrina, thank youuu! :x

[Sahara M.]

That was an awesome poem! And don't worry you're not the only one, I've been trying to write free verse too. But I just end up going back to my AABB style.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Lol, we are a work in progress, don't worry. :) Anyway, I look forward to reading your poems and your attempts in free verse. You'll do well. :x

[Aethereal]

I always enjoy a good rhyme: It was inspired to sum up this poem in one quatrain which you may have as a gift:

Gone Bad

Under the limelight,
sensuously clad,
I saw a sad sight,
a sweet girl gone bad.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Indeed that summed it all. And I appreciate this, Athereal... Thank you so much. :x

[Aethereal]

You're welcome!

[Keith]

This a great little piece, I prcefer ryhme but you seem to do well at any type.. Love your sweet honest work Blue.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Ohhh, Keith. You just sent my heart on Cloud 9. Love your compliments. Take care! :x

[Sheila Kline]

I, as you write more rhyme than free verse and experiment from time to time with it, but usually within a short time revert to rhyming. I like the ABAB rhyme scheme and you have carried it through your poem as if it is natural to you. The message is excellent and I can visualize how this girl fell from grace. The font you use as well as the image complete your efforts in a nice way!
Well done!

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

My thanks to your encouraging and uplifting review. You just made my day, Shiela! :x

[Douglas White]

An interesting tale of a fall from grace, or the joyous embrace of darkness, depending on the viewpoint. I like the way this was woven.

A suggestion on free verse: free verse will flow on its own if you let it. Allow the words to come to you in a stream-of-consciousness fashion, and forget about form. Form and rhyme schemes serve their own purposes, but there are an infinite number of ways to write poetry. Try setting structure aside for a while and see what happens. You might just amaze yourself.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you for this constructive review, Douglas. I will surely bear in mind your suggestion when I write free verse. This is well-appreciated. :x

[Daffy]

Well, I liked it immediately. It is easy for me to read, so I could get the thoughts quickly, without a lot of effort. Now to understand took longer,....and maybe I haven't got it right. Hmmmm, I think I understand..you were her first, and now she is onto something, she thinks is better...how wrong can she be? Is it manmade? Could be very wrong indeed! Hope it's not true, and she sees the light. Maybe you could talk to her, gently...you do sound concerned. Daffy

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thanks, Daffy. I appreciate your interpretation very much and indeed it's one of the meanings I have in mind. Even I who penned this don't know the exact interpretation. I intentionally created an atmosphere of ambiguity and mystery despite the almost literal narration of events. The poem can be viewed in different lenses. Thank you so much for such an encouraging review. :x

[Daffy]

your most welcome. Daffy