The Girl in Black

The girl, who once had been faithfully white, now accepts her new identity in color black.

Amidst the party lights

And women scant'ly clad

I catch the worst of sights

A girl in  black  goes bad.

I know her very well

Her name is Mary Claire

She's never been to hell

I wonder why she's there.

Her wings and  halo gone

Her innocence long dead

Just judgment has been done

For lust and sins unsaid.

T'was I who stole her all

Her life, so pure and chaste

As I devour her soul

I sigh upon such waste.

The girl I once had loved

Now angel's tainted black

Thrown from heaven above

She's never coming back.

Author's Note

These days, I had been trying to write free verse. However, I constantly find myself drifting back to rhymes. This time, I tried ABAB rhyme scheme (contrary to my usual AABB). Your comments would help me a lot. Thank you. :X

Reviews

[smilempsn]

Aahaan.. Nice write..
This reminded me of a movie I saw just may be few weeks back 'Black Swan' .. Watch that movie, you will see similarities in thoughts.. :)

[Brooke Graco]

I must say I really enjoyed this poem, in every sentence I could picture her and what was happening. It flows really well across my tongue. Nice job!

:)

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you so much, Brooke. :)

[Shane Mohamed]

It sounds like you're depicting Satan in the form of a female. ABAB/CDCD/EFEF is sort of the rhyme we've got going on there. If you add a GG, you've got a Shakespearean sonnet. Or you could try ABBA/CDDC/EFFE/GG, which would be closer to your usual rhyme, and it would resemble an Italian sonnet as well. Job well done. I enjoyed it.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Wow, I never thought I could already write a sonnet just by adding GG... Thank you, Shane! :)

[Shane Mohamed]

I had the shakespearean sonnet right, because i'm used to writing them, but the italian is abba/abba/cde/cde or cdc/cdc. hope that helps; there is no gg in the italian sonnet.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

That sounds like a challenge. I love poems with structures so I guess I might try that soon. Thank you so much! :)

[TL Boehm]

well constructed hard truth. It is what happens to some, they turn and they don't come back. A sad story.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thanks a lot, Boehm! :)

[Catherine Frain]

Her wings and halo gone
Her innocence long dead
Just judgment has been done
For lust and sins unsaid.
T'was I who stole her all
Her life, so pure and chaste
As I devour her soul
I sigh upon such waste.

The girl I once had loved
Now angel's tainted black
Thrown from heaven above
She's never coming back.

These last few parts of the poem I can see the image of this girl.

The poem it's self it amazing well written, and I wish I could write a poem as good as that.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you, Tulip... This is the poem who made me earn my first contest winner badge. Thank you so much! ;)

[gabrielle]

Rhyme and rhythm are some of the things that admire in a poem as it could give classic touch. In here, your rhyme pattern is impressive, it made this piece so easy to read. The content of the poem is something to ponder on. Indeed, there are some people who could lead us to the darker side. But it is only us who could make a choice whether to remain on the dark side or to take another route. nicely penned.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Glad you appreciated it, Gab... Each line has 6 syllables. Thank you so much for this review. Good luck!

[mark]

i really liked this one.
i enjoyed the story behind it.
keep writing.
well done :)

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you so much, Mark. Glad you liked this. ;)

[mark]

you're welcome :) i did.

[Tam Warink]

Free the soul then the verse will be free... but it's a meaningless, trifling comment without understanding and that may take a lifetime (or more). Let's take our cue from Poe, quoth the Raven, "Nevermore!"

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Your reviews are always embedded with wisdom, Tam. Brilliant. You are brilliant! ;)

[MsJewel]

I too enjoy writing poems that rhyme from time to time. Your rhyme and meter are perfect. I love the dark images you have given the reader..not too dark, but dark enough to send a little chill.
A wonderful write.
:) Julie

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Honored I was able to send you a little chill, Julie! Thanks a lot for this review. :)

[wordwarrior]

LOL I know that feeling about free writes and drifting back in to rhymes!!! I thought it was just me who was like that! Must be something deep within us that has to rhyme or flow in some sort of meter.
But what an awesome poem this is, that dark ending was a kind of surprise but wonderfully done! Of course the flow and rhyme are flawless and the images you created here are excellent, that other side of the spiritual coin, so to speak!

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Wordwarrior, thank you for the great reviews! :)