The Guys I've Loved Before

List of names of my former flames and brief descriptions each. :)

Marjon was my first grade crush

To see him play, I'd be in rush

I liked his smile and wits between

Too bad he liked my friend Regine.

Gerald's the boy who played board games

Proud, arrogant; I called him names

Choc'lates, roses, "Will you be mine?"

I turned him down that Valentine.

Ahl was famous, he lived next door

He gave letters, laughters, and more

Handsome and smart; he was okay

Two weeks later, he showed up gay.

Kenneth's charming, first love was he

We were so sure we're meant to be

Ours was magic, thrilling, and fun

We knew too late the spark was gone.

John's my senior and brother true

He loved me, oh, he loved her, too

Our sweet affair, the saddest bye

Last time we met, he watched me cry.

Patrick's a jerk, the worst of all

Heaven of hell, song of my soul

Of love's mem'ries, his was the best

But he broke me, just like the rest.

The glorious past of former flames

Unfolded by this list of names

When love's a risk, when love's a chance

I'll take a look, I'll take a glance.

Author's Note

I don't know if the last stanza added to the effectiveness of the poem. Also, I had troubles with punctuations. Can you tell me if I used excessive and needless commas? And how do you find the poem? Thank you so much! :)

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

the pauses here are effective...i am still pondering the last stanza...in some ways it seems you could stop before it...but then the poem might feel unfinished without it.

so i would keep it in.

i am not a big fan of rhyme, unless it really feels natural and not forced, and wow..you did this so well, immensely clever...the way you tell ths story...

i always feel less is more, like you said on my poem...but here i wanted another ten stanzas, i was enjoying it so.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Wow, thank you so much! I actually wanted to keep the list going but it might be too long. :) I'm actually a fan of free verse and unrestricted poetry but I don't know how to do it. I had always written rhymes, you know. If you can tell me how to write in free verse as excellently as you did, I'd be wholeheartedly grateful! Thanks for this comment. :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

just let it come out...don't worry about fitting your ideas into a certain form...write from the heart not the head...that's what i usually do...

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

That might take time for me to master. I will surely try that and see if I can make it. Take care! :)

[Glen Yumang Manese]

Marjon was my first grade crush
To see him play, I'd be in rush
I liked his smile and wits between
Too bad he liked my friend Regine.
----------------------------------------------------
Marjon was my first grade crush
To see him play, I'd be in a rush
I liked his smile and wits between
Too bad he liked my friend Regine.
----------------------------------------------------------
John's my senior and brother true
He loved me, oh, he loved her, too
Our sweet affair, the saddest bye
Last time we met, he watched me cry.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
John's my senior and brother true
He loved me, oh, he loved her, too
Our sweet affair, the saddest goodbye
Last time we met, he watched me cry.
--------------------------------------------------------------

Let's get the fun stuff out of the way first...editing/grammar/misspelled...and now what I thought of the verse:

A play with words here and the rhyme scheme...I liked how you battled each and every monster...hopefully...prince charming is coming soon...the commas are not too much...I had no problem with them...If you're trying to be creative...and not use the complete word instead...

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

I had a purpose why I didn't put "in a rush" and "good bye". I'm trying to stick to the strict 8 syllables per line. Thank you so much for your suggestion and yes, I'm not losing hope to find my prince soon. Haha. Take care! :)

[Glen Yumang Manese]

U r welcome...and letting me know you were using a restrictive 8 syllables per line...

[Great Aunt Astri]

Good saga of the teenage heart! Thoughtful format and rhyming.
The first comma after 'play' I think is not needed. Possibly need commas at the end of some lines, otherwise it is really effective!