Novalie's Mission

ATTENTION! Anyone with a couple minutes to spare! Here's the last chapter of my fantasy novel--sorry, it'll be confusing out of context. But I just really need feedback on the last few paragraphs. :)

DAKOTA

The battle ended at roughly sunset. There are no more Executives in Arythelle, which is bizarre. Novalie and the servants, apparently, have been working on a temporary government system until something better is worked out. Maxine Cassedy is probably going to end up as part of the new government. Scholars and workers from across Arythelle are going to be summoned to the fortress to help. With Novalie here, I’m sure the new program will be fair.

Novalie. The sixteen-year-old who did, in fact, contribute to the death of Joseph Rubley. In the weary hour after the last Executive died (I’m still unsure of his name), most of the servants went to bed. They’ve apparently been up for almost 24 hours now. I, however, have been roaming the suddenly quiet fortress with Sienna and Novalie, talking.

Novalie talked for a long time about her mission to rid Arythelle of the Executives. Sienna and I couldn’t really be surprised--we’ve long suspected Novalie was going to move on to bigger and better things since her mission to create the antidote for the common cold.

She also told us about the whole gem thing. She said, “That whole speech I did about the origins of gems was absolutely made up. I just needed to keep talking to buy time...and to get all of you guys to believe that you can do magic without gems. I saw your faces when I smashed that one I had.”

Sienna and I told her about our journey to Frald. She was as clueless as we were about the Orb of Power. We laughed over Cintora’s defeat by the mountain lion and teased Sienna about helping her. And then I realized what was coming: our questions to Frald. Sienna glanced uneasily at me. We silently agreed--she concerned, me grateful--that the topic of my sister will be brought up at another day.

And so Sienna just told Novalie about her own time with Frald and spoke quietly about discovering Novalie’s part in Rubley’s death. Novalie nodded slowly but didn’t comment much.

A few minutes ago, Novalie left, looking exhausted, to go to bed. Sienna and I are alone for the first time since I risked her life in Frald’s cave. She’s been completely silent as we trail up staircases and down halls, vaguely looking for something to eat. Our tentative truce, brought by the imminent danger of the battle, has clearly vanished.

Finally, I’m forced by the terrible silence to say something.

“Sienna, I’m sorry about the cave. That was the worst thing I could have done in that situation.”

She looks over at me, eyebrows raised. “Dakota, I’m not mad about that. I completely understand why you did what you did! Please don’t feel badly about that. When--when you’re ready to talk about...your sister, I’ll be right here to help you find her.”

The heavy weight is lifted from my shoulders. Anyone else in the world would still have been justifiably upset with me. Not Sienna. No matter what she says, though, I’ll always regret not finding a better way to handle that.

“I was just thinking about Novalie’s master,” she says seriously. That explains her silence. “How they--they ordered her to wipe out Arythelle’s entire government. Who could’ve done that? And what’s in it for them?”

I frown. “I don’t really have a problem with them trying to take down the Executives. The Executives were an awful system.”

“I know. They were terrible, but...well, I don’t know. Something probably had to be done, I guess.”

We both stop walking. Absent-mindedly, we’ve reached the top of a really long staircase. At the end is a closed door, with voices beyond it.

I turn around and am about to start descending, feeling tired. Then I realize Sienna’s still standing close to the door, leaning in. She turns her head to face me. “It’s Novalie,” she half-whispers, half-mouths.

I listen. Yes, Novalie is talking to someone behind the door. I can’t tell who her conversation partner is, though.

“Okay, let’s go,” Sienna mutters.

“Hang on,” I reply. It’s improbable, but what if…

“Dakota,” she urges. I can tell she regrets letting me know who was in this room.

I stare at her, unwilling to risk giving our presence away by talking more. How can I explain that if we stay, there’s a chance--a tiny, tiny chance--that Novalie’s communicating with her master right now and we’ll hear who it is? If anyone deserves to know who Novalie works for, it’s her best friends.

Sienna and I have a brief stare-down. She silently begs me to forget about it. I ask her to stay and listen with me.

I win. Sienna reluctantly stands next to me and tilts her head toward the door.

Novalie’s voice is soft. “..servants did everything! I really don’t deserve any credit. I gave them the opportunity, and they organized everything by themselves.”

“Wonderful. You did excellently, Novalie. You’re ready.”

Novalie intakes air sharply. “Ready? For the mission--”

“For the mission we’ve been training you your whole life for. It must be undertaken now.”

I imagine Novalie’s face, glowing with excitement and trepidation. She’s probably nodding.

Whoever the master is is talking again. I pay attention. “During your time here, Novalie, did anyone in Arythelle speak of anything out-of-the-ordinary? Besides the Executive crisis, of course.”

Novalie doesn’t speak for a moment. “What do you mean?”

“Novalie, have you heard the term twicer?”

“No. Wait, yes, I have. A long time ago, when I first got here.” She begins to tell the story.

It’s a memory we share. Novalie and I had just met and decided to sneak into the town tavern to see if it was as wild as people said. At the bar, we heard a man talk about the evening’s rowdy events and called the night a twicer. At that, everyone laughed and started making fun of the word. I can’t remember why.

Novalie’s still talking. “They were laughing at him because they thought that twicers were nonsense. I never found out what it referred to, though.”

“A twicer is an incident or period of time that one seems to remember happening before. They believe that they’re reliving it. That it’s happened twice now. It’s a new term; people started using it roughly fifteen years ago.”

“Isn’t...isn’t that the same thing as déjà vu?”

“A twicer is more powerful, distinct, and convincing than déjà vu. The word only came into circulation fifteen years ago because twicers have only existed that long.”

I look at Sienna, puzzled. How can twicers actually be real? Sure, I’ve felt strongly that they exist at some points in my life. But that’s just my mind playing tricks on me. Suddenly, I don’t want to hear the rest of the conversation. An eerie feeling has crept in that I don’t like.

There’s silence in the room again. Then Novalie speaks up. “You’re saying that twicers do exist? You mean--people have really lived through certain times twice?”

My mind is already full. I don’t want to hear anything else, but I can’t tear myself away from the door. The grave voice continues, and I seem to hear it in slow motion.

“Novalie, the past fifteen years have been nothing but the world on repeat, replaying the previous fifteen years.”

My head is spinning all of a sudden, and nothing makes sense.

“You see, we magically turned back time a year after you were born, because at the end of the fifteen years, the world fell--and will fall--into apocalypse.”

Sienna slides limply down the wall, white as paper.

“That must be prevented this time. In the original fifteen years, you died at one year old. This time, we saved your life--you are the only variable that is different this time, and you must be the one to save the world from destruction.”

Author's Note

Hi! Thanks for your time spent reading this! What I'm really wanting to know about this particular chapter is whether or not the reader understands the last few paragraphs, the part about time. I'm not sure how well I explained it. But any critique will absolutely be appreciated! Thanks again!

Reviews

[JJKimii]

I didn't read all of it, but it seems a little scattered. Since this is just a chapter, I don't know the background, but it's still very confusing as each paragraph seems to jump from one subject to another without a smooth transition. I don't see much of a connection between topics, so it feels like you're spewing information. It's very good and you use a lot of creativity, but I think organization is the most important thing to keep in mind.

[Amber Wadsworth]

Ahh yes! Thanks so much! This is the kind of feedback I've been needing!