Conscience

A story of a young boy who struggles to feed her mother and sister.

I keep looking between the bottle and the money that sits on my palm. I just have half of the money needed to buy that bottle. 

"Do you have a smaller one?" I ask the pharmacist hoping I would be able to buy the smaller one.

"No. This is the only size you get." He replies with a flat face.

"Okay, I'll be back with more money." I turn around and start to leave knowing perfectly well that I won't be returning.

"She needs it, make sure you get it." The doctor's words keep ringing in my ears.

 I walk home in the dark. A weak oil lamp illuminates our little shabby hut. My mother lies on a mattress burning with fever, she coughs and moans. My little sister sits in the corner, sobbing. I sit by my sister and put my arm around her frail body. I need to care for her, there is no one else. My sister looks at me with her red tearful eyes. 

"Did you get the medicine?" She asks me between sobs.

I drop my head and let my silence answer her question. I hear my mother's unceasing coughs. 

"Are we going to lose mommy too? What will happen  to us then?". Her chocking voice echoes my own fears. 

"No. No, I will get the medicine, I will do anything and get the medicine." I try to comfort her. She keeps sobbing.

"I am hungry." she tells me in a feeble voice. I rummage in the corner where my mother keeps some jars and pots. I find a cookie and some bread. I give her two slices of bread and the cookie. She grabs those in her little hands and starts gobbling while my mother coughs unceasingly. 

I sit by my mother. I can feel the heat emanating for her body. I give her what remains of the bread. My mother looks at me with worrying eyes. 

"Did you eat any?" She asks me in a hoarse voice.

"Yes. I've had some." I lie, it's not worth letting her know her children's plight.

"You are lying." She tells me, stroking my hand. Her hand feels hot like a red hot iron. She shoves a slice of bread in my mouth. Tears well up in our eyes. 

"I am so sorry." she apologizes. I have nothing to say in return. I swallow the bread. She closes her eyes and tries to sleep but her cough denies her the rest she desperately needs. I return to my sister. She has finished eating and is now lying on the floor. 

I know my sister and mother are hungry but I do not have anything to feed them. I lay besides my sister worrying about tomorrow. 

My stomach rumbles with hunger. A feeling of hopelessness grips me. I lay there staring at a telephone tower that I can see through the window. Red lights keep blinking on it's tallest point.  They must need so many wires to connect all those telephones. I remember seeing a pile of junk lying near that telephone tower. A lot of cables lying haphazardly in the junk. 

A thought enters my mind, what if I stole some cable and sold it to a scrap dealer. Even a small piece of cable can fetch a handsome amount of money as it contains lots of copper. Then I would be able to afford the medicine and food.

 I am sure my mother would not take a drop of that medicine if she knew what I did. She hates stealing so much that she moved away from my father when she discovered he was a thief. But I am stealing to save her life, to feed her, to feed my sister. I am not going to steal for the rest of my life, just this once. She can sure forgive that. 

Should I go and steal some cable? But what if she  finds out my actions? "Well then you should have let me cough to my death." I imagine her red, angry face glaring at me with her soul piercing eyes. Will she beat me up? It's okay if she beats me up but what if she throws me out? 

I can’t seem to make up my mind. I lay there thinking, looking at the tower. With every blink of those red lights I am moving into the tomorrow and that scares me. Will we be able to survive tomorrow?

I look at my mother, her breathing is heavy. I know she needs medicine. I look at my sister, she is fast asleep sucking on her thumb. I know she is hungry. I make up my mind at last. I tip toe out of the hut and start running towards the tower. 

The tower is surrounded by tall walls that need some effort to scale. An eerie silence hangs around the tower. The moon is out and casts some light on the junk like a good friend would aid me with a flash light. The stars watch over me as I move.

In a distance I see a silhouette watchman sitting on a chair near the gate with his back towards me. He appears to be dozing. He has a long baton resting against his chair, a muzzle of a rifle aims at sky on his left shoulder. Even if he starts running to wards me I will have enough time to get away.

 I start going about in the pile of junk being as quiet as a mouse. I am looking for a piece of a thick cable, the thicker the cable is more the money it will fetch. 

suddenly a shrill burst of whistle rips through the air sending shills down my spine. The watch man stands up and starts marching towards the tower banging his baton against the concrete floor and blowing his whistle. I quickly hide myself behind a gigantic roll of cable. After a long time the sound of whistle and banging of baton stops and an eerie silence surrounds the tower again. The watchman has returned to his chair.

I start going through the junk once again and find a quite large piece of cable that I can do away with. I turn to leave when I suddenly come face to face with a window. My heart skips a beat when I notice someone standing near the window. 

I relax when I realize it's my own reflection. I stare at my self for some time.

'What are you doing!?' my eyes demand an explanation from me.

I stay rooted on the spot ashamed of myself. I have no explanation to my own actions. I realize what I've become. A petty thief, a liar, a vile person. A wave of guilt grips me.

My mother has always taught me not to steal, no matter how bad things get. She would rather die of hunger than to live off of stolen food. She expected the same from her kids. How will she then take the medicine that I bought with money obtained by thievery. How would she eat the bread that I bought with money obtained  by thievery. 

I realize what I am doing is wrong. I realize that I have chosen a walk on a wrong path just like my father.  I involuntarily drop the piece of cable that I am holding. It falls to the junk with a thud and rolls over running into a bunch of pipes resting against a wall. The pipes fall to the floor shattering the  silence with loud bangs.

Some dogs start barking in a distance. The watchman springs on hit feet at once and starts sprinting towards the tower brandishing his baton and blowing in his whistle. The day is just about to break and I am sure the watchman can clearly see me.

I stay rooted at the spot. Scared out of my wits I can't figure out my next move. The watchman is ever closing in brandishing his baton.

'Run, run you silly.' A voice screams in my head and I head towards the wall. I vault over the wall just when I hear his rifle going off. I start running as fast I could. The sound of whistle fades behind me with every step I take.

I stop only when I am a good distance away from the tower and I can’t hear the whistle any more. I sit for a while to catch my breath and let my hurting legs relax. The day has broken and the tomorrow stares me in the face. What do I do now? I ask myself. We have a challenge of surviving another day.

I start dragging my self home when I come across some farmers offloading their goods for day's business. I know what I have to do.

Again and again I count the money that I was able to make by helping those farmers offloading their goods to make sure I have made enough. 

I walk home with the medicine, a loaf of bread and a bottle of ketchup for my sister and mother. For myself, I have a clean conscience.