My Shovel to Salvation

"Pollution Challenge" This challenge is to speak of anti-pollution without using obvious words and taking lines from Momzilla's poem Gaia Swoons.

Amidst the muck

I carry my shovel,

Wandering the forsaken path

Where passersby shed their filth.

Alone I stand,

Listening as the forests primeval weeps,

As the briny depths heave a sigh of regret.

The nightingale weeps a lonely song,

Wondering why these humans

Defile its land so carelessly.

I promise this bird

And all animals alike,

To search this woodland for all that does not belong.

I’ll use my shovel day in and day out,

Till all is clean,

Sparkling again.

I shout out to the ones that bear a heart.

Come join me in the journey.

Let us make this land pure.

For what is the creatures,

Is also yours.

Author's Note

Please feel free to be as constructively honest as you wish. Any suggestions or corrections are much appreciated. Do not rate or review based on opinion or subject of this piece. If you would like the favor returned please send me a read request or a message with the piece you wish for me to review! Happy writing :D

Reviews

[MomzillaNC]

Well done. You worked in several of those lines very well. You answered the challenge definitively!

[Briana O'Connor]

thank you very much :D

[MomzillaNC]

You're welcome.

[Malister Mikey]

I really like the way this poem is written and what it is about, great job.

[Briana O'Connor]

Thank you very much

[NoelHC]

Honorable intentions expressed in this poem. I was struck by the irony earlier this week, the garbage and litter left on the streets of New York, by demonstrators demanding we save the planet. Disposable cups, bottles, food wrappers and packages.
One of your lines has me confused
"Listening to the forests primeval weeps,"
Not sure if it should be
"Listening AS the forests primeval weeps,"
or
"Listening to the forest primeval weep,"

[Briana O'Connor]

Thank you very much for reading. I could probably just take that line out if it doesn't make sense. Part of the challenge was to use lines from the contest posters poem Gaia Swoons

[NoelHC]

I think the line can stand, just a minor change to make it fit tense or case.

[krystle]

I love this, I appreciate it because I too wrote something very close to it, keep writing!

[Briana O'Connor]

thank you very much

[Frieda P]

Not what I was thinking when I read the title, but that's a whole other story. :) Powerful message, nonetheless...

[Briana O'Connor]

oh do tell! I wanna know! I wanna know!

[Frieda P]

Joke between girlfriends in trouble, we always say, 'bring a shovel'...if you know what I mean haha

[Briana O'Connor]

Lmao that's great

[R Smith]

its a good condemnation of our throw away society, I see your into the challenge comp. which is good, with your shovel and pen and this poem I'd say you have done very well :)

[Briana O'Connor]

lol thank you

[Arrinae]

It is most unfortunate that society as a whole in this day and age care little for the environment. Slowly they kill the land and then wonder why the world is slowly dying. I hope we can save this world from the filth of humanity.

[Briana O'Connor]

as do I. thank you for reading

[Sindu]

Nice take on the challenge. The way you put that we need to shovel the dirt away in all forms creates a view on how everyone of us should take a stand rather than blame bodies of authority. The placing of lines in the order from land fills to animals shows how much each is detoriating. Nicely penned prose!

I used the former line too :D

[Briana O'Connor]

thank you so much for your kind words.