Feel Nothing.

Okay, so I wrote this piece in High School and it was the only one that I found so far that didn't have horrific grammar! (So you can imagine my other pieces!) I thought this one would be a good start for Writer's Cafe.

 

           He rolled over on his bed and looked at his alarm clock. Muttering hateful words he rolled back over on his back and stared up at his ceiling. It was only three o’ clock in the morning and he couldn’t sleep. The evil feeling was still in his body, swimming around and making him even sicker. His stomach jumped making him fly out of bed and run to the bathroom. When he got there he quickly got on his knees and exposed of the satanic matter.   After, he flushed the toilet he leaned up against the wall.   Everything in the bathroom started laughing at him; laughing at him for the stupid things he had done, laughing at his pain he was feeling. He closed his eyes as hot tears streamed down his pale face. His dirty hand held tight on the toilet as it helped him up.   When he stood up his eyes shifted to the mirror, he stepped back in horror. He looked like he came back from the dead, his face was pale and his brown hair was mangled. His bright hazel eyes were now dark and his lips blended in with his slovenly face. He turned his head from the mirror and shut his eyes, trying to shun out the sight, the feelings, and the memories. 

            He left the bathroom and staggered down the hallway. He gripped on the wall for support as the world spun around him. He walked into the clearing and looked off his balcony into the living room area. There were all five of his so-called-friends lying around on the couches and on the grimy floor. The smell of sin was still high in the air. The place was trashed with beer bottles, ashes, food, garbage and clothes.   He turned his back towards it and started yelling in his head again. He was sick of screwing up. He made promises, and then broke them, and then broke other promises because he was mad at himself from breaking other promises. He stumbled back to his bed as fast as he could. He slammed down onto his bed sobbing in self-pity. He curled up into a tight ball and rocked himself back and forth. His friends told him it was for the good; he needed to have fun, live off the past with something better then what he left. “How could this be better?” He screamed in his mind as the head and heart started pounding offbeat with each other. 

The scathing thoughts and feelings strangled his body. As he stumbled all over them, he slowly started to get lost in them, turning which way and that way, tripping over different ones, and getting shot by others. He tried to escape the beating but he couldn’t find a way out.   He searched and searched but everywhere he looked another thought would come up, one that hurt so hard he would stagger back away from it flinching from the bullet. Soon the thoughts and feelings were clashing against each other making others come in and crash against those. As feelings contradicted against each other it made him dizzy; he didn’t know where to turn, which way to go. If he couldn’t depend on his own feelings, whom could he depend on? Soon the pictures flashed through his mind, making the feelings clash more.   Being lost in his own chaos in his meandering mind, he screamed out loud, he screamed like he never screamed before. His scream was telling the feelings to stop. It was telling the world to get away. He was still screaming as he shot up in bed with the harmony of the alarm clock.

He gasped for air and flinched at the loud noise coming from the tiny machine. A soft breeze flew through the window and disturbed the curtains. Tiny rays of sun shone through and landed right where we was. His arm found its way to the off-button on his clock. As he rubbed his cold face he stood up and clumsily walked across the floor and back down the hall to the bathroom. He closed the door as he stripped his clothes off. He made his way to the bathtub, as he stepped in he pulled the curtain shut. His hands found its way to the knobs. He got a strong grip on them. As he held his breath he turned the cold water on to full power. In an instant ice cold water flew out of the showerhead landing on his sinned body. He gasped for air as his body reacted to the temperature change. His eyes shot open in the surprise. His grip was still hanging onto the knobs, not daring to let go. Soon after standing there alarmed he turned the other knob on letting the water get warmer. He slowly washed his body, trying to get the shame off. But he knew the dirt was always going to be there. He stood there in silence with his eyes closed. Then the feelings and thoughts started to sneak back. In a waking instant he opened his eyes and shut off the water. He didn’t want to think, he wanted to keep busy. 

Not a minute later he was dressed in clean clothes, even though he was wasted he knew he had to get to his work. First, he had to get his enemies from where they were positioned. He stepped out into the bright room. Everyone was still lying around not making sound, or even moving. They were stiff as the dead and responded nonetheless.    He stepped down the stairs as best he could without tripping over his own feet. When he got down there he slapped everyone’s rigid faces. They all moaned and rolled over and kept their eyes half way closed.

“Get up!” His own voice was raspy, “I want you guys to leave so I can go.”

“Aw, man, c’mon, we won’t do nothing,” came a moan from the couch.

He walked over to the couch and peered over it looking straight into the rusted face. He looked even worse then he did. This didn’t surprise him, because they did this sort of sin more often. “Ace, I want you to get off my damn couch now.” He pushed the guy off the couch making him land on the floor with a loud thud, that made everyone else sit up to see what was going on.

“What the hell, Daren, what’s your problem?” Ace stated as he tried to get up.

“You, now I got to go to work and I don’t want to leave with you all still here.” 

Everyone stood up swearing at him, he didn’t care, he just wanted to leave this world and forget about it all, and he never wanted to see anyone again. No body was worth seeing again. They all grabbed their clothes and what not then walked over to the door and started to leave. Ace turned back around.

“It was a great party man, too bad you ruined it.” Ace gave a smirk as Daren slammed the door in his face.

Daren swung around and his heart fell as he saw the mess. He walked to the kitchen and grabbed a broom. He went back to the hellhole and started to sweep it up. He concentrated hard on cleaning, which way to move the broom, where to push the filth. He moved swiftly and ended up sweeping it all into a pile behind the couch. He looked up at his clock and decided to finally head out to his other world. He grabbed his wallet and trench coat. He opened the front door and stepped out. Turning around he looked back at the room. Feelings and thoughts rushed through his mind as he scanned the area.

            Wincing in horror he closed the door and locked it, to keep it all in there. He swung his coat on him and put his wallet and keys in the pockets.   He headed down the tight stairs and burst into the bright morning sunlight. His eyes reacted in pain. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his sunglasses, and then he smoothly placed them on painful face. Looking to his left and to his right he stepped out onto the sidewalk and walked into a new day, hopefully this day would end better then the last. 

 

He walked along the sidewalk and passed by many people. He avoided eye contact with each one; he didn’t want to reflect himself off of them that day. The sun beat down on him, making him sweat. He kept the coat closed tight around him as if he were afraid of something. His sweaty hands were jammed into his pockets, his eyes focused straight ahead. His paces was slow to start but as he got farther way from the starting point it got faster, it got faster as the people walked by him. As more he concentrated on where he was going, he increased the speed. Not sure what he was feeling he turned to look back to find something he wasn’t sure of. As he turned back around he started to run, he ran slow at first, then a rage of panic burst through out him. He picked up the speed and dodge people, he pushed through couples and they looked back behind them to see if something was chasing him. Someone would yell at him and ask what his problem was, but Daren kept on running. 

He ran till he got to the building, he ran through the door and with a loud crash he found himself on the floor, his glasses flew off and he winced in pain. Papers were spread everywhere, along with pens and pencils. He blinked a couple of times before realizing there was someone sitting in front of him.  Everyone in the lobby turned a gasped. 

As his eyes adjusted to the light a figure of a woman came in focus. She was there in a daze still getting over the uncommon movement. She looked back at Daren and frantically got up. Realizing the papers everywhere she started apologizing. Daren quickly got up and helped her pick up the paper and handed it to her. 

“It’s okay, it was my fault.” Daren said in a rush handing her a run away paper. By then everyone went off back to his or her own business. Taking the paper she thanked Daren and left quickly bumping into an in comer.

Daren picked up his glasses and put them in his pocket. He headed to elevator and pushed the up button. Quickly the door open and a flock of people came flooding out just as a flock of people headed in shoving Daren in like he was a prisoner and had no choice but to enter. Everyone told the nearest person to push his or her floor number. As the elevator lifted up into the sky Daren’s stomach churned. The door opened, people left, people came, higher it went. Door opened many more times, people left, people came. Reaching the 34^th level, Daren shoved his way through the people and stepped out into the vast working cubical world. 

As the world turned people passed by, Daren strode to his office-avoiding people as he past them in a hurry. He turned to his door and looked at the sign; it looked as fake as a smile to hide the pain. He still couldn’t believe it was his name on the door; he was there in that office, which was a life of his. He pulled out his keys and unlocked the door. He pushed it open with all his might. Blasts of freezing air rushed by him making him shiver. He realized a window was open slightly.   He walked past his desk throwing the keys down on there. He then stepped back and looked down at his keys. Quickly he picked them up and walked backwards to the door. He once again started towards his desk and as he walked past he through his keys down on the desk. Something didn’t seem right. He did the same thing over again, then again. A man about thirty with a built body, wearing the gray business suit of the working world walked in chuckling lightly. Daren turned and looked at him.

“Daren, something a matter?” He asked still chuckling a bit.

“Well, something isn’t right.” He looked up at the man with a confused daze.

“I think you had too much of a weekend,” the man walked over to Daren handing him a yellow folder. “That’s the next design, you might want to look it over so you know what everyone is working on, and don’t forget the meeting at ten o’ clock…”

“Meeting? Steve, what meeting?” Daren looked down at the folder.

“You know... the one with the woman from that one company…”

“No, I am afraid I don’t know.”

“Just be there…” There was a knock at the door, Daren and Steve looked over at the door.

“Here is your mail sir, and would you like anything?” The thin woman handed him his mail.

“Yes, Janice. Coffee, the usual.” Daren said flipping through the mail. He walked back to his desk and set the mail down then sat down on his chair with a blank stare.

“Daren… You who? Daren? You there buddy?” Daren looked back up at Steve, “Daren, what did you do this weekend? You look sick.” Steve gave another chuckle.

“I sinned.” He bluntly stated.

“I though you got away from that! Daren, you got a good job and, well, your girlfriend…”

“Was there you anything else you wanted Steve?” Daren sharply interrupted.

“No, nothing else, just don’t forget the meeting and next Friday is the Christmas Party.” Steve smiled, “you forgot your brief case.” He winked then turned and left.

Daren sighed in disappointment, just his luck he would need it for meeting also. Janice came back with his coffee; he blew on it then drank a long sip. He let the hot caffeine soak in. He closed his eyes for a second then opened them back up. Janice in her fancy wear with her hair pulled back in a bun was still standing there.

“Any phone messages Janice?” Daren quickly said breaking the silence as he set the coffee on his desk.

“Well,” She took out several sheets of paper, and then placed on her glasses. “The mafia called and said they wanted your head, the president of the United States wants to meet with you. The governor of New York City wants to give you the key of the city. Also Bill Gates wants to make you his partner in sharing Microsoft.” She gave a friendly smile. “Nope, no one called.” She was about to head out the door when she turned back around. “You might want to close the window. You can catch a cold.”

Daren glanced behind him as Janice left. He sat back in chair making it roll back a bit. He glanced up at his clock on the wall, gasping he realized it was ten o’ clock. He shut the window and paused a second to view the other world. He pulled away from the window and grabbed his emergency brief case a long with the yellow folder. He ran out the door and heading quickly to the conference center dodging people in his way. He stopped in front of the door to calm down then slipped in. He was going to calmly tiptoe to his seat when he realized everyone was talking away to each other. He went to his seat and sat down. And set his brief case on the table. Everyone found themselves to their chairs and got ready for the meeting to begin. They all looked to the front and realized that there was no one standing there. Then the door opened and everyone head turned towards the door.

A slender woman about twenty-six slipped through the door, she closed the door quietly behind her. She turned back around and gave a weak smile. Daren looked up at her and realized it was the woman he ran into. She took a stronger grip on the stuff under her arms and with her head down she walked up to the front of the room. She quickly set up her stuff as everyone watched her, which made her even more nervous. When she was done she apologized for being late. Her brown hair was lightly placed at the top of her head in a messy but straightened look. She brushed a way some stray hair and looked at everyone.

“Glad you could finally make it here Ms. Callahan.” Mr. Williams, the head project manager, set his pen down.

“Yes, sir,” she gave a weak smile then looked down.

“Good morning everyone. Glad to see you all here on this nice December day. Today we have a presentation from the lovely punctual Ms. Kelsey Callahan representing IntraTech, the gateway to new technology.” At that Mr. Williams rolled his eyes, “Ms. Callahan, you’re on.”

A small glimpse of panic flashed through her face. Gaining quick confidence she stood up and smoothed out her red skirt. She took long steps up to the front of the room and turned to look at everyone. Daren kept his eyes on her; the sun shone through the window and caught her right in its rays making her shine. A weak smile spread across her face and she started to give her presentation. Daren just watched her mouth move. Every once and a while she brushed her hair away. As she talked she relaxed more. A rush of loud clapping broke Daren’s trance, he clapped too and looked around the room.   Everyone stood up leave, a few walked up to Kelsey and shook her head, she nervously shook everyone else hand. Daren walked up to her and gave her smile.

“That was a nice presentation,” his voice stuttered out.

She looked oat him, “thanks.”

Steve walked up from the back of the room and placed his hand on Daren’s shoulder. “Ms. Callahan, would you like to join Daren and me for lunch?” Daren’s eye sharply looked at Steve; Steve only gave him a wink.

Kelsey turned around, her mouth was dropped open, and then shutting it quickly she brushed aside her hair. Her hands clasped together. Daren watched her eyes dart back and forth as she searched for an answer. 

“Would be strictly business?” She asked in more of a pleading tone.

“Sure, why not, I am sure Daren would have a few questions about your presentation.” Steve slapped Daren on the back then walked to the door. Before leaving he turned around. “How about meeting us at the corner Restaurant at noon?” With that Steve left leaving Daren and Kelsey feeling uncomfortable.

“Uh, see you then.” Daren shook Kelsey’s hand then left.

Kelsey looked over at her things then quickly grabbed everything. When she left the room she gave sigh of relief. She headed to the elevator and got on just in time. It head straight down, not stopping once till she hit the bottom. She stepped out into a massive crowed of people waiting to get on. Kelsey pushed her way through the crowed, which ended till she got out side. She walked over to the car garage still having a strong grip on everything. She got to her car, which matched what she was wearing. She pulled out her keys and searched for the right key, finding the right one she unlocked the trunk and threw everything in and slammed it shut, a tear dropped from her eye. She quickly wiped it away. Kelsey walked over to the driver’s side and unlocked the door. She threw the door opened and sat down closing the door not a second later. Her head flew against the headrest and the tears came flooding down her face. She wiped away as many tears she could catch. 

“Kelsey, stop crying, you did it!” That made more tears stream down her face. She put the key in the ignition then started her car. 

 

Author's Note

I love critique.