impression

 

Impression

 

once I saw a picture

just a small boy – on a first sight

nothing different from other boys on any other pictures

but when you look closer you might notice

his wings just like an angels

silly little boy

who talks with flowers

ask for directions passing by butterflies, rocks and plants

this boy cannot see

that most of people can't find

his wings on picture

that's why they think

he is bit stupid

and they laugh

when he cryies in arms of wolves

and heals broken trees branches

Angel Mark

exile from heaven

for smuggling sinners with his friend Szemkiel

forgotten on Earth

is here

in a flesh

 

 

impression after watching paingtings of Jerzy Duda-Gracz

31.03.2008

 

Reviews

[Lau Thiam Kok]

When come to the creation of arts or poetry, there's nothing wrong with the mysterious "you" or mysterious "they", as long as we use it appropriately and communicablely.

I attended a poetry class ages ago, and we had been adviced to avoid using certain words such as, love, lord, and god. In certain way it is correct. And after some time, it appears to me this is piece of advice is incomplete or incorrect in some way.

My point is, use any word you like when you must. In other words, if that word must exist, then it must.

So, I am not completely agree with the advice from the first reviewer, as it is like the advice from the poetry class I attended to before, both advice are - incomplete.

If "you" is the word we should avoid in poetry because it is "mysterious", then "I" is redundant too because the writer/ poet/ creater is "big-headed" and "over-the-top".

As your piece here I cannot review it in depth as I dont have enough knowledge in your historical or biblical characters. Only I can say, yes I find that "you" in this piece is not communicable to me, as I am not able to imagine myself to be with that "picture".

You could replay the "you" here to "I" because it is a first person experience with that picture. Or you could put this line in this way,

"but if you look closer you might notice"

When a writing is "particular" about a "picture", a "time", a "place", a "person", etc, names are might be better to be used, like "Mark", "Szemkiel", etc.

Thank you.

[Mpotavin]

This is really hard to read due to your consistent misuse or lack of definite articles. This makes the poem choppy and discordant. Try reading this outloud to help modify this with a more conversational style. There are also many spelling errors (i.e. wolves not wolfs, butterflies not butterflyes).

Your lead in is also a little weak. I don't particularly want to read about a boy that is just like any other boy. Please try to describe the scene instead. Also try to avoid the mysterious "you". You can not tell the reader what to do. You also use a mysterious "they". It would be much better if you used actual people instead of vagueries.

What was your reason for writing this? I don't really feel like any significant meaning came through in the end. This has the potential to become a very visually stirring piece. I would focus on looking in that direction.