God's Sacrifice

This is a poem about modern life teenage sacrifices done all around the world. Please support you children and don't let them to become prisoners of all negative emotions that they feel around you.

I am a prisoner of my emotions

and I can loose all the devotion

It is just a matter of time

Until I don't have even a dime

 

Forget about all material things

forget about all sad emotions

Just have a several drinks

but don't forget to drink with caution

 

Sometimes you think that you're dead

sometimes you feel that you're alive

Please believe in what I said

Please just live you own life

 

Your destiny awaits your soul

your whole body is shaking

Just don't loose your control

or your life would be taken

 

We now take you body for a sacrifice

you will is now bound and broken

Your soul was taken by a surprise

your body is now god's token

 

 

Reviews

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

I don't really think that everyone is a sacrifice because not all people die for the same reason. I liked the message though. I want people to be able to live for long periods of time as well. I don't like seeing little children die either. Thanks for sharing. :)

[Mauricio Montoya]

Poetry is an art and here you have displayed that.
Great job

[Adora.xo]

Wow, that's really really good. The rhyme is awesome, and the message behind the words is deep. Good job!

~Adora

[Luna]

i love the way this is written, though the title kind of shied me away a bit. because of the religious background, it can tend to do that. the message is very good. drinking is not good when you are young.

[Beatles9322]

This is really great. As a teen, I can totally relate to this. Fantastic write with a few spelling errors. :D

[Dutch Jr.]

The meaning of this poem I think all of us teens and young adults struggle with. You did a nice job at putting it into words. Wasn't very structured, as far as rhyming was concerned, but your message was clear, and that's obviously more important in this work.

[WriterSki7]

"Positivity is necessary", heh.
I'll hold my tongue for now

A well-written piece of poetry.
No clear-cut rhyme. Apparently the author cannot decide if it is to be AABB, ABCB, or ABAC. Regardless, rhyme is not necessary for a poet's words to ring true. Emotions can be devestating*

[Sweet_pale_cacophony]

I love how you begin the poem though i must say i was expecting a more sharper end...and some how the theme is not very clear to me....tho i might be wrong in my interpretation.

[Nayan]

I love your poem Artist... and I thank that you expressed it so beautifully!

[Theresa]

Love the message you are putting out there. Being a teenager is hard and there is no way to deny that and I think you capture that well within this poem. The verse:
"Forget about all material things
forget about all sad emotions
Just have a several drinks
but don't forget to drink with caution"
I love the words how your basically saying to get past the hardships have a drink relax but don't over do it. Truly a great piece.

[The Wave]

i love the message or main point you were trying to get across.

i like your use of contradictions:
"Just have a several drinks
but don't forget to drink with caution

Sometimes you think that you're dead
sometimes you feel that you're alive"

there are a few minor errors, but thats excusable because this story is really well expressed.
good job.