Wonder

Just some thoughts that run through my head since this years drama

Sometimes I wonder if I really am the stupid, back-stabbing w***e that so many people claim for me. Am I truly the boyfriend stealing s**t, even though he wasn't your boyfriend at the time? Is it bad that I actually speak to people and listen to them? I mean, I know that what I did may not have been right in your mind, but some of the stuff you said wasn't right at all. And then you made me wonder, are you right? Is he really using me? Fortunately you weren't. It still bothers me though. Some days, I feel like I've gone back in time, still wondering if you are correct and then I just look into his eyes and know that there is no way in hell you could have been. 

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if something bad happened. Would anyone care? Would you care? If I got pregnant, would you stay with me? What would happen with that? I know, that probably won't happen but in the off chance it does, what would happen? Would you just throw me aside like garbage or would you embrace me tighter, promising to take care of it and me?

Sometimes I wonder why I even talked to you. Why did I sit there and listen to you ramble on and on about how big this creeps penis was? Why did I listen to how you are in love with this creep and not say anything, not tell you that, in the end, it could be a huge disaster? Why did you even go for him? You are beautiful the way you are and you deserve better than an online pedophile. Even though I have told you this, you refuse to listen. 

Author's Note

The people listed here know who you are.