Watching Them: A Story of Observations

I took this down a while ago because people got angry. Now, I can care less what those people think. They can get mad if they want, I don't care.

     Since the moment they started dating, I've watched them. She is always asking me what to do, what she should say, if I think they are a good couple. I always answer in the positive, my jealousy of her happiness growing with each time she asks me a favor. She tells me of their dates, of his sweet comments, of everything. I keep on a happy face, smiling at them when they look and making witty little comments here and there. I know she doesn't like the comments but they make him laugh. I'm famous for making these little jokes so they think everything is fine, everything is just dandy, though deep down I'm boiling.
     The only person who can tell something is remotely wrong is my best friend, the guy I have crushed over and have gotten a broken heart from several times. He notices the small tone changes in my voice, the small comments that show off my jealousy that she always misses. I become quiet when she talks about him, talks about how much she likes him and how sweet he is. She knows my history and should see that I would be jealous. I'm the girl who has never had a good boyfriend, the girl who always makes crappy choices that end up coming around and biting her in the a*s.
     I watch her happiness, his happiness. My friend watched them the same way, both of us being forced to endure listening to them. Don't take me wrong. I am happy for them, seeing how infatuated for each other they are. The little green monster curses me though. Jealousy takes over my mind, wishing that I could have a relationship that is so happy, a boy who liked me as much as he likes her. Watching them together makes me sad, makes me wish for that sort of thing, the thing that I have yet to and may never find.
     As time goes by, it is harder to look at them and keep my composure, keep my thoughts and feelings hidden from their view. I know they think they see who I truly am, what I truly think but they really don't. My friend senses my jealousy, my anger at their happiness more and more as time goes by, trying to distract me with conversations about nothing. Each day, my feelings for him grow and grow, leading up to the rejection I know is coming once again. I know that I will never have a chance to be as happy with my friend as him and her are. I know that loving him is pointless but why won't my mind and heart move on.
     I finally tell her about my feelings for my friend between her speaking about him, telling her about how I can't get him out of my mind, how every time I talk to him my stomach flips over. She tells me to tell him though I know it is a waste of time. Last time I did that it ended terribly.
     Him and her continue to go on happily, throwing smiles at each other and batting eyelashes whenever it is easy. Each day they sit together, smiling, talking, having a good time, enjoying each others' company. Each day I sit with my friend, my stomach in a knot as we talk about nothing. Each day he tries to distract me from the jealousy I feel, oblivious to the feelings that live underneath the jealousy, the new feelings that I force myself to hide, that long to escape. Several times I try to make hints, hints that he either doesn't get or he ignores. My guess is ignore though I know that I have never been good at flirting, never been good at making hints that show how I feel.
     They meet in the hallway, smiling as I turn into the classroom, greeting my friend with a pleasant smile before sitting down. I know that if I asked for a hug she would make a comment about it and my friend would be embarrassed. They stand in the hallway, enjoying the feel of each others' arms, the touch of each others' lips. The jealousy grows even larger as I look down at my notebook, doodling in the margins as she walks in and leans on my desk, talking to me. I nod, not wanting to look into her eyes, not wanting to see her happiness. My friend sees this and walks over, trying to change the conversation to the homework that is due, trying to make her stop talking about him.
     I know it is wrong but I lean towards my friend, talking to him more, hanging out with him more. I try to avoid her and her boyfriend, trying to keep them out of my mind, trying to forget about the jealousy that tugs at my heart each time she talks about him or each time I see them. Though the jealousy starts to fade a little, the feelings for my friend grow stronger, each day threatening to burst forth. I hold them back, afraid that I will be denied again, afraid of being let down.
     More time goes by, flying by. She begins to question me, ask me if I think they are a good couple, if he likes her. I say yes, trying to make her happy, trying to give her the answer she wants. The truth is, I have no clue. I can't get into her head. Half the time, I don't know what is going on in my own head. She asks me if him not being physical, not wanting to always hold her hand, always be close to her, meant he didn't like her. I told her I didn't know, that maybe he was just a mental person, someone who used feelings more than physical contact to show his feelings.
     As she questions him, I question myself and my relationship with my best friend. Lately, he has been acting different, acting strange. We usually joke around but he has been nicer lately, complimenting me. I have never taken compliments well. Every time I receive one, I blush. They make me shy. I try to argue against them but he insists. My mind doesn't understand why he is treating me like this but my heart likes it. The thought that a guy is finally giving me attention, treating me properly, is all that I need to be happy.

     The strangeness passes, he begins to give more attention to her, just like everyone else. I keep no one’s attention, catch no one’s fancy. She becomes more flirtatious, sitting on my best friend’s lap. What guy’s attention wouldn’t be caught if a blonde with a large chest sat on their lap? I point this out to her, saying that it could be seen as cheating on him but she says she does that to everyone, she sits on all her guy friend’s laps. I talk to my best friend about it and he says he doesn’t understand why she does it, says that it is a bit uncomfortable for him.

     She begins telling me about how she doesn’t know whether she likes him or not, whether they are a good couple, or whether she should break up with him. She plans to break it off on the last day of the month, exactly one month after they started dating. I tell her I don’t think that is a good idea, that it is rather cruel of her to do that to the boy when she is his first girlfriend ever. I tell her she should break it off now, save him the pain. She says no, she has to give him a month. I keep my mouth closed, just nod and agree though I don’t. I fight with myself, trying to figure out whether or not I should tell him. My best friend knows the boy and says no, so I  obey.

     As the last day of the month approaches, she gets in trouble. She refuses to acknowledge that me and best friend exist, refuses to talk to us, look at us. We both get fed up, sticking close to each other, the severed bonds repairing themselves rapidly as we grow even closer, our friendship growing closer. All feelings for him have evaporated, the only feeling is the love between two friends. I’m sure that if he asked I would say yes but if he doesn’t that is fine with me. We work on homework together, doing the research project. She seems to get even more upset at us, how close we are, but we have no idea why. Could it be jealousy? Could it be anger at a previous comment? We both wonder but neither of us can come up with a reasonable explanation. We try to ask him, seeing that he knows why she is in such a crappy mood, but he wants to stay out of it, tells us to ask her. How exactly do you ask someone something when they refuse to acknowledge you exist?

          

Author's Note

Will continue to update. Tell me what you think so far.

Reviews

[lala<3]

Good by the way (:

[lala<3]

She becomes more flirtatious, sitting on my best friend’s lap. What guy’s attention wouldn’t be caught if a blonde with a large chest sat on their lap? I point this out to her, saying that it could be seen as cheating on him but she says she does that to everyone, she sits on all her guy friend’s laps. I talk to my best friend about it and he says he doesn’t understand why she does it, says that it is a bit uncomfortable for him.
_____________________________________________

Youve told me bout this.

[Demetria.Ro$e.Hathaway]

grate story :) i like this :)

[melissa]

very good!, i'm glad u put the story back up. dont let these people rule ur life:)

[Theresa]

Drama. lol. So much going on and it seems like it all has to do with the insecurities of one person. I won't point out who because I'm sure you know. It's a tough situation to be in and I'd be lying if I said I've never been there myself. I hope it all works out. I can tell you in the end it usually does. In the meantime keep writing. I like your stories they're like I'm reading my diary from when I was younger. Nicely done. Let me know when you update.