Repeating Loop

I'm not positive how much of a horror it is but that is the only thing I can think to classify it as.

                Every day, I walk through the woods, watching the old scene replay itself as if it were a movie. I sit in the same tree and, every time, I know there is nothing I can do to save the girl.

                They run through the woods, her hands tied behind her back with a rope, her fair, blond hair flying loose around her head. She pants and screams for help, begging someone to save her though no one can. Her makeup runs down her face with each desperate tear, mascara and eye liner staining her pale skin with black streaks. Her cheeks are red, her blue eyes rimmed with raw red skin, puffy from crying. She runs as fast as she can until she stumbles on a tree root, landing beside a tree. The man advances closer. Her ankle is broken, making her unable to move.

                The man follows, knife in hand. His brown trench coat fans around him and boots crunch on the rotten wood of the forest floor, walking slowly as if he knew she was going to stumble. The girl sobs as he gets closer, a great cry of depression. A rough, feral growl comes from deep in his throat as he tosses her behind a tree, out of my view. She lets out a loud scream of pain then silence falls over the woods as the man emerges, blood dripping from the seam of his trench coat, staining it crimson, as he fiddles with the buttons, covering something. He turns and looks at us, then disappears.

                Again it starts, the girl screaming and panting, the man in pursuit. No one can save the girl and no one knows what happens behind the tree. no one knows what the man is covering. If you try to save her, you must run for your life. If you try to look, he turns the knife to you. The loop continues, day or night, snow or shine. If only someone would save the girl.

Reviews

[Audrey T.]

I like the mystery of the first paragraph - that we get a bit of information. We know that something terrible has happened, something so terrible that they can't get their minds off it. The fact that, even after this terrible event, they continue to come to this place, makes me very curious.

The next paragraph, the way you wrote the description of what was happening, kept me reading. It made anxious just to read it, to know of what was going to happen. As I read on, I wanted to know more about the narrator - who is "Victoria and I"? Why are they in the woods in the first place? Why couldn't they do anything to save this girl?

The last paragraph, I wondered if this was just a memory or if it's something more. "If you try to save her, you must run for your life as well. If you try to look, he turns the knife to you." - this part makes me think that perhaps this is something that keeps happening, a different girl each time. I don't know. But it was just another point of interest for me.

I think the last line was a perfect way to end this. I like that it's sort of plea. It's kind of pathetic, since what's done is done and the narrator is harping on a past he (or she) can't change, but it's still relatable.

Reading this, I did find a few errors:

"watching the old scene replay itself repeatedly as if it were a movie." - using the words "replay" and "repeat" is redundant, I think, since they basically mean the same thing in this context.

"...her blonde hair plying loose around her head." - Did you mean 'flying' not 'plying'?

"A ruffle, feral growl..." - Ruffle = rough?

"...a blood dripping from his trench coat..." - "a blood dripping..." doesn't really make sense. Maybe take out the word "a."

[The Old Ashes]

I think the word "the" was used a bit to much, yes it's a common word in the English language, but it put a bit of a damper on the sentence fluency.
Aside from that, I liked the descriptiveness of her in particular and the sinister, sad, horrific emotion behind the whole piece.
Here's the last paragraph a little fixed up with the "the" situation.
Again it starts, her screaming and panting, with him in pursuit. No one can save her and no one knows what happens behind the tree. No one knows what he is covering. If you try to save her, you must run for your life. If you try to look, he turns the knife to you. The loop continues, day or night, snow or shine. If only someone would save her.

I think the reptitiveness of calling her "the girl" and calling him "the man" also put a damper on it, but maybe thats how you wanted it, that style of writing has a feel to it.

good piece. Lots of suspense and emotion. Great descriptiveness, especially describing her face as she's running.
Think this would make an excellent Prologue if you were to write a book with this idea in hand.

[Alz Alz]

Besides the typos (you should re read this and fix them. There's about five or so) I really liked this... The imagery was spectacular :) I could really imagine everything so clearly! Good job! Fix those typos! LOL :) great job, love it. VERY intrigued!! Hands down, it's a 100/100 from me! You should write some more soon!!

[Lola Nation]

this sounds like a horrible nightmare. It has good potential, there are a few things I would change but wouldn't want to burden you with a detailed critique unless interested. :) Intriguing imagery.