Chapter 4

            “Maria! I didn’t think you were going to show up!” The man exclaims happily. I take a good look at him and think. How does he know my name? “Please come in!” He has a big smile on him face and his breath stinks of whiskey. His dirty blond hair is disheveled though his clothes are starched and clean. He has stubble on his chin and upper lip, giving away that he had not shaved today. My head screams a warning that something is wrong as I slowly step into the room and look around. His hand slides around my waist, causing me to jump in shock. “Please, sit and have a glass of wine with me! I brought a bottle of my finest wine up for us to share and enjoy!” I sit down and his grin widens as his eyes go from my face to my chest.

            “Sir, I’m very uncomfortable in here with you. I don’t know who you are, where I am, or even the name of this ship!” I look around, trying to figure out a way out of here.  The only reason speak to him formally is because his uniform is one of an officer that is a higher rank on the ship’s social status than I am.

            “If you are uncomfortable on the dining chair, we could always move to the bed.” The grin grows rapidly larger, growing as fast as my deep hatred for the man.

            “No, that is not what I mean. What I mean is I am quite uncomfortable in this room on a ship I know nothing about with a man who is the same status as the ship.” Fear rises from my stomach as a twinkle of lust appears in his eyes to add to the face that is covered in a large grin.

            “Well, if you come and sit on my lap we can get to know each other and I will tell you everything that you would like to know.” My disgust shows as clear as day on my face though he seems unaware of it. His grin grows larger and larger.

            “No, Sir, I will not! If you ever think about or try to touch me, I will murder you and you will get what you deserve, you drunken b*****d!” I scream at him.

            “How dare you say no to your captain!”he booms out, beginning to stumble towards me on drunken legs. I grab one of the dining chairs and throw it in front of him, tripping him as I flee the room.

Author's Note

Like I said, sketchy stuff happens. I mean, nothing really bad happens but it mentions some things that wouldn’t be appropriate for some people. I’ve read children books with ideas that are worse than these ones but still. If someone could help me out with deciding what this chapter and some of the ones to come should be rated, I would love you forever!

Reviews

[Theresa]

There is nothing wrong with the writing where it can't be considered a teen rating. You are taking a reality and setting it in a certain time and place that's all. It is something that teenagers have dealt with and is perfectly acceptable to write about for that genre. I think you portrayed the captain perfectly in order for the reader to hate him because I really dislike him. The tension is building and I want to know what happens next. I think it's a great chapter, my only suggestion is to make it a bit longer. A description of the captain would be good. You mention the whiskey on his breath and his smile, but what else. Is he clean shaven, a disheveled mess and so on. Looking forward to see what happens next.

[Moyo]

On the third line you used "him" instead of "his." On the fourteenth line you used the plural form of "grin" instead of the singular, so it doesn't match with the verb "grows." The second to the last line uses the plural form of "stumble" when it should be singular. And you're not at all explicit in this chapter, but I would consider it to be a teen rating.