Forever

04/07/12

A burden of thoughts

Drowned in the sand

Lost in a tide

Shunned away

For eternity’s sunrise

Author's Note

Not really sure why I wrote this. But just wrote down what popped into my mind. Your comments are appreciated :))

Reviews

[Aehr]

sometimes it happens that we don't actually know the reason for writing some of our poems, and they turn out to be great. I believe that those poems depict our innermost feelings, of which we don't even know ourselves! But that's my theory... others may have different views regarding this situation... :P

Coming to your poem...

I enjoyed this short, simple and meaningful piece. Really well done. My favourite line was "Lost in Tide..." well done, thank you for sharing this one!

[外人 (Gaiji..]

Extremely expressive, deep as a very few poems I've seen so far here, the sinestesya (thoughts having a weight so being likable to touch) and the metaphor (sand as the sea) were just perfect.

[Pax]

sometime we want to shut away the nasty thoughts or bad memories.. but then it will just appear out of nowhere...i like this..made me think..and the way you wrote it when it just pops out that makes this great... wonderful job.

[Amila Jay]

Thanks for the review .. :-D

[JanieB]

It's great to get out what's in your mind. One thing I would say is that the words "drowned in the sand" doesn't sound right to me. I think drowned in a tide, and lost in the sand would sound better.
I like the poem though.

[Amila Jay]

Hey!! Thanks for that :))

[Enigma]

beautiful and succinct. I like it. :)

[Ruth]

Oh, nice! And that sunrise may indeed be able to cleanse those thoughts and give them rebirth, lovely xoxo

[Michael X]

the feeling is a dreamy escape into a sunrise, of a cause that will never be,
the metaphor is artistic and and haunting imagery is to ponder, outstanding

[M Garcia]

This is best type of poetry to me, the kind you can't explain. I really enjoyed it.

[Sagar Waingankar]

truly what you had in your head!

[dan nacario]

brilliant piece.

[Raphh]

loved this piece :)