Little More Time

Little droplets fell from my face for hours

I would feel her soft gentle touch whip them away

She would sit there next to me never saying a word

She’d wrap her loving arms around me

 

She constantly listened to my unsteady breathing

At night she’d snuggle up next to me and listen to my heart

Tears would fall from her beautiful face seeping through my shirt

I’d rub her back softly hoping she would fall asleep

 

I would stay for hours at night watching her sleep

I’d cry when I realized I wouldn’t be able to do this much longer

I couldn’t understand why this was happening

I loved her more than anything in the whole world

 

She hated seeing me hurting ‘cause of her

She always worried more about me then her own self

She would act like nothing was wrong or happening

I’d put a smile on my face to make her happy

 

As days went by she became more fragile

As days passed she looked less like my baby girl

It grew harder to be in the same room as her

But I couldn’t leave her side, so I’d stay

 

Every day she would try so hard to be like my old baby

She always wanted to be held in my arms

She continued to listen to my breaking heart

As the nights worn on the tears that fell increased

 

Throughout the days she’d always whisper I’m sorry

She tried to be as strong as she could be for me

Whenever I looked at her the tears would begin to form

Whenever I looked at her my heart would break

 

 

 

 

She was supposed to be all mine always and forever

I never thought that forever would end so soon

It was my worst nightmare forming right in front of me

I could never close my eyes long enough to sleep

 

I would watch her chest move up and down

I cherished every single breath she took in

I listened to every one of her heart beats that I could

I took in everything about her in a deep breath

 

Tears started streaming down her face one day

She whispered softly saying I’m sorry and I love you

I didn’t understand what she meant by that

She whispered one last thing to me quietly

 

It’s still hard for me to sleep at night

Images of her fragile body run through my mind

I played the sound of her heart beats constantly

I looked at the pictures of her just to see her smile

 

The stars shine brightly tonight sparkling all across the sky 

I sit on the porch looking up at them shimmering

I replay the last words she said to me telling me to let her go

Now sitting here I wish that I had a little more time…with her

Reviews

[dovetailer]

you, young lady, are wise beyond your years...your writing is so wonderful and you will be able to make such an impact on others with your gift...some of us are exposed to things we should never have to handle at such a young age... we never get a chance to be carefree...we have to grow up fast and be responsible long before we should...sounds like you have been scarred by life, but that just means you're a survivor...each scar is a medal and a story you can tell to teach your children one day that the battle goes to the last one standing...
A wonderful gift...you have something to say and the means to convey it in such a way that you can move others to think...to dream...to tears...

[the-One-with-the-Darkne..]

very good. emotional.

The narrative worked well for the story. It reads flawlessly. Besides a few small grammatical errors, It held right to the end. Good job.You have such a nice narrative voice and command. Have you tried fiction or memoir writing?

[KL]

The symbiosis of the sick and the healthy is what really gets me. Incredibly moving.

[Poetic Beauty]

This poem left silent tears streaming down my face and a knot in my stomach. These moments so precious yet so heartbreaking at the same time. I could see this couple holding each other day in and day out as she became weaker. This poem is gracefully written and done as such a wonderful tribute to the woman's memory. The flow of this poem is done magically.

[.]

This left a lump in my throat..I have just watched someone fade away although not a partner of mine. I watched as they both struggled to come to terms with what was happening..and like your poem, it was the person dying who found an inner peace and strength before passing..moving, touching, eloquently written, if you haven't experienced this feeling first hand, I commend you further because it was written with the feeling still raw in your mind...fantastic

[Dark Lady Phoenix]

I was really moved by this. there is nothing worse then watching someone you love die. I thin think you really pined it well. Good job.

[FlawedByDesign]

This is definitely a sad story and once again you have done a great job at reducing the emotions and feelings down to their simple, yet powerful, core.
The story flows from beginning to end, never straying off on a tangent.

The line,
"She’d wrap her arms loving and warms arms around me" - is off, so I suggest you revise it to what you actually wanted to say :)

I love this stanza,
"I would watch her chest move up and down
I cherished every single breath she took in
I listened to every one of her hearts beats that I could
I took in everything about her and took a deep breath" - though I would change the last line to,
"I took in everything about her with a deep breath", or, "in a deep breath" - because taking it in and then taking a breath isn't natural in my opinion.

Well done.

[Molafvt]

Wow, this brought tears and a shiver up my spine. The thought of loosing a child, to me, is unfathomable, but I have lost a child, but not through death. That you could write with such dignity and composure is astounding in its self. this is a heart wrenching story which speaks to me, not only of the dead, but the strength and compassion of living as well. Thank you so much for sharing this horrifying, yet beautifful piece of loving recolection.
Peace to you, Murray

[r]

i think my heart broke even more when i read this... oh, this is so sad, such a wonderful poem..... oh, this is heartwrenching, and i love it. very well written, an amazing poem..