I love her
A Poem by
armin
A love poem.
When i look above,
i see sky holding the stars.
For all,
moon seems miles away,
much distant and far.
But my moon is standing,
beside me
Natural, beautiful, my fantasy.
O ye O ye
she is my pretty queen
my heartbreaker, heartmaker
everything she is.
Fighter, lover, medicine, my healer
sparkler, sweeter, thriller and I feel
I love her,
she is in my beautiful memories.
Stuck in my heart,
written in the stars
her name with me.
© 2015 armin
Author's Note
Thanks for read and review.
Featured Review
I have some suggestions for you to improve on your grammar in this piece, but it's up to you to pay heed or not. I only wish to help :).
First stanza, line one and line two:
When I "look" above,
"I see" sky holding the stars
First stanza, line seven:
Beside me (omit "of")
Stanza two, line four:
Everything "she is"
Stanza two, line five and six:
"My" fighter, lover, medicine, "healer,"
sparkler, sweeter, thriller"," and I feel
Otherwise, no other suggestions I can come up with. It is a very sweet ode to one's love. A lovely serenade to sing (it sounds like one anyways!).
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Thankyou Nadia ,I'll definitely consider your suggestions.
Reviews
Awesome piece... this person should feel very loved by you.
Good work!
Posted 9 Years Ago
Awesome piece... this person should feel very loved by you.
Good work!
lovely n cutee.... n romantic too!!
I love it!!
Posted 9 Years Ago
lovely n cutee.... n romantic too!!
I love it!!
I really like this poem... it has an outstanding flow to it and it has a beautiful meaning!
If you would be so kind could you read my story I just right called, You are Loved?
That would be great!
I see lots of potential in your writing!
Posted 9 Years Ago
I really like this poem... it has an outstanding flow to it and it has a beautiful meaning!
If you would be so kind could you read my story I just right called, You are Loved?
That would be great!
I see lots of potential in your writing!
9 Years Ago
oh for sure, thank you so much for such an appreciation.
A beautiful dance to the beat of a love filled heart
Posted 9 Years Ago
A beautiful dance to the beat of a love filled heart
9 Years Ago
Thank you for your lovely visit.
Some pretty lines Armin, if only the sky held stars in its bosom and our lovers were our medicine.
Posted 9 Years Ago
Some pretty lines Armin, if only the sky held stars in its bosom and our lovers were our medicine.
9 Years Ago
Thanks for your kind visit.
Finding that special one leaves such sweet memories in the heart. Valentine
Posted 9 Years Ago
Finding that special one leaves such sweet memories in the heart. Valentine
9 Years Ago
Indeed Kathie, thanks for reviewing.
9 Years Ago
You are very welcome.
I like how you play with words.....heartbreaker, heartmaker.....vivid images, of the moon standing besides me.......great writing!
Posted 9 Years Ago
I like how you play with words.....heartbreaker, heartmaker.....vivid images, of the moon standing besides me.......great writing!
This poem is lovely!
"she is my pretty queen
my heartbreaker, heartmaker
everything is she.
Fighter, lover, medicine, my heal
sparkler, sweeter, thriller and I feel "
This part is particularly beautiful. I love your comparisons and the flow to this. All around, this is a wonderful piece. Keep up the good work.
Posted 9 Years Ago
This poem is lovely!
"she is my pretty queen
my heartbreaker, heartmaker
everything is she.
Fighter, lover, medicine, my heal
sparkler, sweeter, thriller and I feel "
This part is particularly beautiful. I love your comparisons and the flow to this. All around, this is a wonderful piece. Keep up the good work.
9 Years Ago
Thankyou Lexi for creating the amazing contest.
Great love poem. Very well written. :) Rudi
Posted 9 Years Ago
Great love poem. Very well written. :) Rudi
9 Years Ago
Thanks Rudi for visiting and commenting.
Its a good piece especially for the one you love its loving.
Jo
Posted 9 Years Ago
Its a good piece especially for the one you love its loving.
Jo
9 Years Ago
Thankyou so much Jo, I appreciate it very much.
Author
armin New Delhi, Delhi, India
About
Merry meet all you beautiful people.
more..
Writing
Related Writing
People who liked this story also liked..