I love her

I love her

A Poem by armin
"

A love poem.

"


When i look above,
i see sky holding the stars.
For all,
moon seems miles away,
much distant and far.
But my moon is standing,
beside me
Natural, beautiful, my fantasy.

O ye O ye
she is my pretty queen
my heartbreaker, heartmaker
everything she is.
Fighter, lover, medicine, my healer
sparkler, sweeter, thriller and I feel

I love her,
she is in my beautiful memories.
Stuck in my heart,
written in the stars
her name with me.

© 2015 armin


Author's Note

armin
Thanks for read and review.

My Review

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Featured Review

I have some suggestions for you to improve on your grammar in this piece, but it's up to you to pay heed or not. I only wish to help :).

First stanza, line one and line two:
When I "look" above,
"I see" sky holding the stars

First stanza, line seven:
Beside me (omit "of")

Stanza two, line four:
Everything "she is"

Stanza two, line five and six:
"My" fighter, lover, medicine, "healer,"
sparkler, sweeter, thriller"," and I feel

Otherwise, no other suggestions I can come up with. It is a very sweet ode to one's love. A lovely serenade to sing (it sounds like one anyways!).


Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

armin

9 Years Ago

Thankyou Nadia ,I'll definitely consider your suggestions.



Reviews

Awesome piece... this person should feel very loved by you.
Good work!

Posted 9 Years Ago


lovely n cutee.... n romantic too!!
I love it!!

Posted 9 Years Ago


I really like this poem... it has an outstanding flow to it and it has a beautiful meaning!
If you would be so kind could you read my story I just right called, You are Loved?
That would be great!
I see lots of potential in your writing!

Posted 9 Years Ago


armin

9 Years Ago

oh for sure, thank you so much for such an appreciation.
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...
A beautiful dance to the beat of a love filled heart

Posted 9 Years Ago


armin

9 Years Ago

Thank you for your lovely visit.
Some pretty lines Armin, if only the sky held stars in its bosom and our lovers were our medicine.

Posted 9 Years Ago


armin

9 Years Ago

Thanks for your kind visit.
Finding that special one leaves such sweet memories in the heart. Valentine

Posted 9 Years Ago


armin

9 Years Ago

Indeed Kathie, thanks for reviewing.
Valentine

9 Years Ago

You are very welcome.
I like how you play with words.....heartbreaker, heartmaker.....vivid images, of the moon standing besides me.......great writing!

Posted 9 Years Ago


armin

9 Years Ago

Thankyou. ..
This poem is lovely!
"she is my pretty queen
my heartbreaker, heartmaker
everything is she.
Fighter, lover, medicine, my heal
sparkler, sweeter, thriller and I feel "
This part is particularly beautiful. I love your comparisons and the flow to this. All around, this is a wonderful piece. Keep up the good work.

Posted 9 Years Ago


armin

9 Years Ago

Thankyou Lexi for creating the amazing contest.
Great love poem. Very well written. :) Rudi

Posted 9 Years Ago


armin

9 Years Ago

Thanks Rudi for visiting and commenting.
[send message][befriend] Subscribe
jo
Its a good piece especially for the one you love its loving.
Jo

Posted 9 Years Ago


armin

9 Years Ago

Thankyou so much Jo, I appreciate it very much.

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1443 Views
40 Reviews
Rating
Added on January 3, 2015
Last Updated on December 29, 2015
Tags: moon, stars, beautiful, her, she

Author

armin
armin

New Delhi, Delhi, India



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