A Letter to the Heaven

The title says it all...

My dearest friend...,

I'm not sure whether you'll be able to read this. I don't know what they say about the soul is true. If soul really exists, I'm sure you're around. This isn't easy for me, and won't be easy for you either. Because what I'm going to tell you is something I should've told you when your soul and body were one. This letter is about an unfinished hope.

Do you remember the first time we met? 3rd grade, wasn't it? Your first day at school. It was during the school assembly I first noticed you. An unfamiliar face. But I felt like somehow connected to that face. And then as if pulled by a magical string, you turned and looked at me. It was then you gave me that smile! The smile I can never forget, the smile that made me happy, gave me courage. The smile that made me smile, and now making me cry. I knew, the moment you smiled at me, that you are going to be someone special to me.  Even at an age where future meant just a word, I saw you there in my future, as a friend.

When did it begin to change?  When did you start becoming more than a friend? I'm not sure I know. But every time you smiled, you were coming one step closer to that. I don't know whether you felt the same way about me. But every time you patted playfully on my cheeks, every time you clutched my hands whenever a dog passes by, every time you teasingly called my nickname, I was realizing you were not just a friend to me. Were you feeling the same? I know it's vain asking, but were you feeling the same?

There were a lot of curious things about you. Your mystic smile, the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, and will ever see in this world. From the first smile you gave me, it remained the same. I don't remember when was the last time I saw that. It's been 2 years without your smile. I can't even imagine how I survived these years without seeing it.

You were a mature woman and a dumb kid all at the same time. I haven't quite understood how were you managing to be both! Do you remember scolding me for being disrespectful to our maths teacher? Do you remember telling me that good fortune comes only with the blessings of our teachers? I've always tried to stick to your words- even when I didn't want to. It was you who gave me the courage to walk away from bullies. I remember you saying " You can beat up those boys, I know that too. But then what is the difference between you and them? Have some self-respect. You are different, I know that. ". There was something irresistible in your tone. It sounded like a mother talking to her kid. At the age of 13, you were doing that. You were full of surprises!

I always respected your mature part. But what I loved was the dumb part of yours. You were a lovely dumb little girl when I first saw you and haven't changed much since. The smile, the way your cheeks get blushed when I tease you, the way you play with your necklace, the way you ask me "How do I look? Does these earrings look small?". Everything I know about you was lovely.

I was hoping to see you grow up to a woman with the same charm and beauty. I was waiting for the right moment to tell you how I felt about you, how hard it would be for me to live a life without you. it was then the cruel fate hit us all. It was then you left me, left everyone who loved you. At first, I thought you were playing tricks. it took me a whole day to realize that you're no more. I'm sorry I couldn't attend your funeral. it was too much for me. I can't imagine how cold your face would be without that smile. I didn't want to see it because it would give me nightmares.

Even for a whole week or two, I wasn't ready to accept the truth. I wasn't ready to accept that I wouldn't be able to see that charming smile again. But every time I look at the empty back benches where we had lunches together, every time I hear the teacher skipping your name during attendance, every time I accidentally call out your name and turn around to see no one is responding I was realizing the bitter fact. The truth began to settle down on me.All of a sudden the world became so colourless, my life became so empty. You left a gap in my soul where no other can fill in. It's still there, still hurting. Whenever I closed my eyes, I was dreaming about you. As if on an invisible elevator you were going down, going away from me. This dream haunted me for over a year. I thought of even taking my life so that I can meet you in another world. Was it really you who came in my dream that night and made me change my decision? Anyway, it worked. I'm foolish at times, you know.

It's been two years. It has been difficult-  but now, I'm starting to live again! The last 2 years was a survival. But your thoughts don't hurt me anymore. I've learned to live with the pain. The music doesn't hurt my ears anymore. The world seems once again colourful. Even when I'm writing this letter, my hands are not trembling. I'm over the sorrow, I'm starting to live...

So wherever you are now, I just want you to know how badly I miss you, the times we were together, and how badly I miss your smile- the most beautiful thing ever happened to me!

Author's Note

This letter is to a girl I have never met, and will never meet. This is not purely a work of fiction. These are experiences. I have put myself in the position of my friend- because this is his story, his life. When I heard it, I couldn't hold myself back from writing this piece. The only thing really mattered was how he was gonna take this. And I could see it in his eyes that this could touch his heart.

Please do give your comments on this because I know this is not complete...

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This is a very well-written description of how it might’ve been for your friend. You do a great job of taking your time as you go thru the various stages of meeting, getting to know, falling in love, and then eventually losing this precious friend. You describe the little details so well, we can visualize & imagine how it must’ve felt. We all feel something like this, at some point in life. Your straightforward writing is clear & easy to follow & feel the feelings. This is a good length for people who don’t have long attention spans (most online audiences). There’s only one thing I didn’t like very much and that’s the way you used the word “dumb” . . . this has too much of a negative connotation for me. I know what you mean & I would understand if you want to stay with this word. But I feel there are many other ways to say what you are trying to say, without saying “dumb” – which is not a compliment at all. Here are some ideas: Naïve, unsophisticated, unworldly, childlike, pure, simple . . . just in case you want to rethink that word (((HUGS))) fondly, Margie

[The ArK]

I get your point. I'm sorry if I sounded rude. I didn't use the word 'dumb' in its actual meaning. I think you get it too. Anyway I will try to avoid such comments in future.

And as always thanks, Margie. Your reviews have always been helpful.

Love, Ark

[barleygirl]

No worries . . . it doesn't feel rude at all . . . just not as uplifting as it could be!

[Najam Us Saher]

You express your emotions really well, so sad and heart touching.

[Coyote Poetry]

A wonderful story shared.
"Even when I'm writing this letter, my hands are not trembling. I'm over the sorrow, I'm starting to live."
Some memories will sting us and some memories will make us remember the good days. Thank you for sharing the amazing words and your thoughts.
Coyote

[The ArK]

It's really the realization that you won't ever get those good old days back that sting us the most, I believe.

Thanks for your comment, Coyote.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are right and you are welcome.

[Kathy Van Kurin]

"A letter to the Heaven"
ArK,
You have shared a beautiful tribute on behalf of your friend. He must be a good friend to be the receiver of such a tribute on behalf of this special friend he knew, loved and lost. To me this story is all the more lovely because it is meant to be shared with him. To give details like this is the result of a shared time in school or just listening and knowing there story. Questions in "Letter to the heaven" shows a hope for love and future compassion and love as a common hope with people although it may take many forms. I find it interesting because the afterlife has been of utmost importance to mankind since times conception. Archaeologists even find hieroglyphs and communication scratched on cave walls and in ancient burial chambers. The loss of the friend's smile, being needed as she would grasp his hand in fear of a dog, and just the close friendship which was the hope for a special future was tragic with her disappearing from his life. I hope that he will find and realize continued softening of memories had with each happy thought.
blessings,
Kathy

[The ArK]

Thanks Kathy.
Writing this letter was difficult for me since I have never experienced such kind of love and lost. But when I heard him talk about 'his best friend', I was sure she deserved to be eternal. And I'm sure she'll stay alive through this work of mine, atleast until the servers of writerscafe get drenched in an apocalypse.
Thanks again, I love your reviews. :-)