without you

Love is the best poison in this world because it remains in your body till your heart beats....

 

 

When I saw you

My attention was drawn upon you

Standing still like a staggered tree

I felt so faithless without you

 

Realizing the existence of my love was impossible

My heart and soul wept in solitude

 

Life became gloomy and dull......

It changed without you

You were my addiciton 

Like a sparkling red wine

 

I thought it would happen

You would be mine

You were my morning, my noon, my evening till life

I thought one day you would love me too

But this pain will go on...

And i will die wihtout you...

Reviews

[Bhavya Kaushik]

Hmmm....It was nice :)
It was much more like a prose than a proper poetry though.
The flow was not apt and the content was also very raw if I will judge it as poetry.
But, I think so you are a better prose writer than a poet.
So...go ahead and write a prose about the same feeling. I'm sure it would be much more striking and heartwrenching.
Give it a try!

[Adrian K. Smith]

The first thing that caught my eye was the caption, subtitle, whatever it might be called: "Love is the best poison in this world because it remains in your body till your heart beats...." The cynic in me wanted to reword that as: "Love is the best poison in this world because it remains in your body till your heart beats no more...."

There is an interesting passivity of self-fulfilling doom evidenced in this particular work, that is so common amongst the forlorn. Love from afar. For there is no action of love, only the passing misery of the love that will never be realized. So many feel that overwhelming emotion and do nothing about it, much as we see here. Without doing anything about it, it begins to consume them. Their life does become quite gloomy, every little thing taking on a key dullness. They hoped either for the other to make some move or for the very gods above to intervene on their part. They become victim to their own inaction, succumb to the darkness of their desires, living a miserable life until the day comes...when they die alone.

[Sumit Kumar Gupta]

Its good......you have got a great feeling potential but still you need to work hard ! The feeling is not communicable.But your poem has an elegant vibe!You can tell that it is your work. Good luck!

[deeps]

I really like this and the emotion you installed
Very well expressed.