Truth and Consequences

Some things are better left unsaid best locked in your heart there saved The pain you harbor in your chest is your own, to take to the grave

Life seems a never ending dream

filled with hopelessness and despair

Where we are put to trial everyday

while suffering is everywhere

 

To friends who think they come up short

through transgressions against a mate

Who feel they should confess their sins

then sit back and accept their fate

 

Some things are better left unsaid

best locked in your heart there to save

The pain you harbor in your chest

is your own, to take to the grave

 

Confessing sins to a loved one

while it serves to ease guilt in you

Transfers your pain to the other

who is blameless for what you do

 

Shame is the thing that hurts the most

it teaches us valuable things

Such as what not to do next time

you are hurt and the telephone rings

 

Author's Note

I have given this much thought. Many friends over the years have asked me if they should confess to their lovers. I have come to see it is a selfish act. While most religions and 12 step programs say confess as the Catholics do. I say no. You are crushing the innocent partners soul with your confession. Sometimes it's better to take responsibility for your actions. Live with the pain of what you did. It will help guide you next time. When one laments the wrongs of their life it creates these pains. They are called the conscience. So live with them. And try to be better next time. I have made many mistakes and I shall atone for them in the end. I did these things myself and it is not for others to suffer the consequences. I am glad I will take my own transgressions with me. After all I am responsible for what I do as is everyone. I have spent many years trying to reconcile with myself. I am not saying I did anything truly awful. However I let myself down more than a few times in my youth.

Reviews

[Rick Puetter]

Dear Tate,

Are you getting better as a writer?! It seems to me that your more recent writes greatly surpass what I've read of you in years past. Now know that I have always thought your poetry to be beautiful from a raw passion sense, and that full continues, but your recent skill in language is so wonderful.

Now in this piece, while I really love the poem, I read the "Author's Note" first, and I found the words to be profound. You and I agree wholeheartedly on this and I didn't think that any other really understood this. But you do. I am gratified. This is profound wisdom, Tate. I don't think I have any serious transgressions either--but you never know what might be serious to a loved one. Nonetheless, swallow it. Don't cause grief. Protect your loved ones. If they don't need to know and the knowledge would cause them pain, swallow it. Don't be selfish. Keep quiet and give them a hug instead. Now I'm not advocating lying or going behind a loved one's back. That is pure selfishness as well, and not in the best interests of family. No, I'm talking about protecting the ones you love, not pulling the wool over their eyes. I'm talking about being an adult and making well thought out and generous decisions. I'm talking about withholding unnecessary pain as you are as well.

Beautiful sentiments as always. I get this one and so fully agree.

Best regards,

Rick

[patricia]

enjoyed this, but the 12 steps programme doesnt read as you tell it. It says confess to somebody who isnt emotionally involved, and try to make ammends, except when to do so would injure yourself or others. Guilt is useless but making ammends isnt. Thought provoking write. Enjoyed.

[Kaa Na Kalyanasundaram]

Some things are better left unsaid

best locked in your heart there to save


The pain you harbor in your chest

is your own, to take to the grave

.................Your lines are touching the life corner of everybody. Good wordings and thanks for the sharing. With regards friend.

[lei]

this is beautiful, Tate! everything we do there's always a consequence... I am learning by reading you poems... thank you for sharing!

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

Bravo Tate. Lessons learned here for sure. We must make amends but not when making amends will hurt the individual we erred against needlessly. You are a kindred spirit my sweet friend, as I have learned in the year or more that I have known you. Thank you for this wisdom and for being who you are.

[Judy Ponceby]

Intensely thought-provoking. Beautifully written as always. And the pause it gives one when considering whether or not to confess of sins is well worth taking. Relieving guilt is a very selfish reason to burden another with our own poorly considered actions.

[Shelley Holt-Lowrey]

Side note as I finally read your authors note... The 2nd part of the 12 step amends action states: "except when to do so injures them or others". This is an often missed, but very important half of the whole.

[Kelly M.]

This was a great piece, but, in all honesty, I don't entirely agree. It says in 1 John 1:9, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." Why harbor sin? Why not be relieved of the guilt? Now, if your sin directly impacts the person, whoever that is, then it should be confessed to that person. Otherwise, it's between you and God.

[Tate Morgan]

I was breezing through some old reviews found this one you know I think that's what really bothers me about Christianity this idea that you can confess your sans and lay them on the Almighty there by relieving yourself of the guilt and pain that they are causing your conscience. I don't believe that's right I don't believe that's fair A man must stand for what he has done he can't give those sins away and be relieved of the pain he's caused

[Kelly M.]

Hello Tate! It's amazing it's been four years since I've reviewed this, how time flies! But even now, I hold true to what I said then. Jesus is faithful and just to forgive us even when we don't deserve it. There is nothing harder in this life than to accept that forgiveness from Christ, because it is always undeserved. We don't ask for forgiveness because it's fair or we deserve it, but because it is a free gift that frees us. Most of us, though, like you said, won't give our guilt away and will carry it all our lives. But I am so glad I gave my sin up to someone who already took the consequences for it so that I would no longer have to carry it. There is no freer life to live than that.

[Tate Morgan]

I guess I am unable to feel that way Now my daughter agrees with you thanks for stopping by. Me I see a god who won't take responsibility for his own sins mainly us

[Lumière Dé..]

This is so well written and meaningful. I love it but.. what if there is no next time. What if, lets say, someone did something wrong and they don't get a second chance to make amends. They won't walk that path again and get to make a different choice that time? What do you do when you've made this mistake that eats you up inside and the fact its in the past blocks you from ever changing it?
Wonderful, all the same :)

[Rikkevi Rue]

I grade this as a great piece of writing based on one single criterion: the amount of RESPONSE it generated! Irregardless of the rightness or wrongness, wisdom or folly of the view taken the write struck a cord with many readers, as evidenced by the length of answers and heartfelt-ness of them. That is the highest criterion of any piece of literature in my opinion, it involves others and elicits responses wherein they contribute, the definition of ART, so WELL DONE!

As to the subject matter itself, i say there is NO one right answer, much in the vein of Shy Girls valuation. Every partner and every couple is different, and it definitely depends on the transgression. Depending on the strengths and weaknesses of a spouse or partner it could significantly better or worsen a relationship to confess. For one thing it acts to stimulate similar transgressions of the other partner which may not have been previously aired, while at the same time motivate the "victimized" partner to even the score. Further, man has no workable means of handling his own ethical failures so even if the offender doesn't confess many are not able to pull themselves up out of their guilt, and having held in their sin are pulled down and sink deeper! You of course are a very strong individual and your will to survive is fierce, so you rise above. The best solution would be one where the offender can unburden, resolve his/her own ethical delimmas and the spouse could similarly partake. Those of us who have survived 30+ years in the same marriage know about making up the damage and renewing vows, but that doesn't mean everyone should have to survive trial by fire!

[Shelley Holt-Lowrey]

Love the message in this. So few realize that an apology should not be confused with a confession, and the injured is not a priest to give absolution. A reaffirmation of what I believe. Thank you.