Tin Man

it is such a strange thing to be human

 

 

I hear the rhythm of the rain

wind-whipped drops falling to the ground

Tapping on the old window pane

there's music in that lonesome sound

 

Skipping through the morning shower

daisies covered by mist in dew

Calm and warm so tame with power

life springs forth all fresh and anew

 

Watching the world's sins melt away

gifting life with the chance to be

Feeling the sun light up the day

washing the blues away from me

 

Like the man built solely from tin

with a chest full of broken dreams

The rain falls softly on my skin

nothing quite the way that it seems

 

Watching the clouds that turn to rain

falling on the glass by and by

They run down from the window pane

before the grace of you kneel I

 

Author's Note

Such a metaphor for my own life the tin man. Often I am right as rain. Moments later set by depression and doubt. Then the rain comes washes away the blues and I am fine again. The sun comes up and shines upon me again.All my worries pale in consequence.
Tate

Reviews

[TrimarcoRansome]

Hi Tate, After having a break I find this easier too read...Sometimes when you have been working n your own work it's hard to get into a different rhyme, so my fault not yours! I was going to add to my original comment but it seems it has been deleted?!

[Tate Morgan]

Hi dear. I suppose your trouble with the rhyme is the first stanza the one and only time i can remember using a similar rhyme .

[TrimarcoRansome]

Hi Tate,
Yes I think it is, how about around/round instead of down?

[Tate Morgan]

I like that see what you think

[TrimarcoRansome]

Yes! That is so much easier to read now! Really flows and takes you straight into the rest of it

[Tate Morgan]

thank you you were correct i think

[TrimarcoRansome]

Don't rely on me! do what you think is right, I have been working on several pieces of writing recently and it can get stuck in your head sometimes!

[Tate Morgan]

I like your thoughts and respect your opinion. You are classically educated through the English system .

[Poeticpiers]

An extended metaphor carried through from start to finish.Well scribed my friend It could apply yo anyone and every one

[Ladysue]

Beautiful, sad, hopeful all the elements that touch our spirit from time to time. Gorgeous writing especially like the last two verse as they are remarkable...

[Charles]

You do have a nice poem as metaphor here and there are several things I like about it. I don't quite feel the rhythm of the rain, though, because the line beat is so irregular (there's no pattern within stanzas and no two stanzas are alike). It wouldn't be hard to fix that... drop kitchen and lonesome from their respective lines, for instance, and nothing is lost but the meter picks up quite a bit. (why window pane in one stanza and windowpane in another?) The second stanza is not internally coherent, and I'm not sure about 'rain-washes.' Having said all that, the last stanza is pretty good and the last line is great. Overall, the poem is very effective, but as I said, fine tuning the rhythm would really make it outstanding.

[~*~Peace Keeper~*~]

Wonderful write i enjoyed it
Great Job

[Fallacy Pharmacy]

Another absolutely amazing poem!. The last two stanzas are breathtaking-this poem reads as such a beautiful metaphor. Very well done once again.

[Elaine]

Awesome i love it. Rain is my favorite weather, so i love hearing it be expressed in different ways.

[LisetteCanWrite!]

This was very deep and moving. Sad but with some light coming through particularly in this stanza:

Watching the worlds sins melt away
anointing life with a chance to be
Feeling the sun light up the day
warm rain-washes the blues from me

This one was refreshing and with a high sense of renewal.. dancing or standing in the warm summer rain paints such a beautiful portrait.. and can be very cleansing to the soul.. even just watching the rain drops from behind a window.. so peaceful!

[zombiikillah666]

i do like this...alot. :D
puts alot of differant
images in ones mind.
the way you explain things
makes this is a really good poem.
loved it. (:

[Mauricio Montoya]

I’ve been reading a lot of writes with the word rain, is that spiritual or what. Now this, great start; I hear the rhythm, the whole piece has rhythm and very insightful as I see it.
Thank you take care.
Mauricio

[The Wave]

Beautiful.

"Watching the worlds sins melt away
anointing life with a chance to be
Feeling the sun light up the day
warm rain-washes the blues from me..."

Reading this made me remember how I felt as I stared late into the night.. listening to the sounds of the rain, and feeling as if it was washing away sadness from me.
Really enjoyed reading..
Great Job.