Fate

For when could I say that i believed I was such a treasured soul

 

Lucy Hamilton

 Princess of Ireland

When could I say that I believed

I was such a treasured soul

To give up the life you've conceived

for a chance at half not whole

 

Having tasted the nectar of life

who can say they would pass it on

For years full of trouble and strife

filled with all of what was, now gone

 

Life wasn't meant to cost so much

that you pay for your love in tears

I couldn't bear it to be such

that I cost you unhappy years

 

Many a night I looked up in awe

to the sweet sky above my head

Longing to be that star you saw

to hear the wistful things you said

 

So now I lie in wait for dawn

watching the stars all twinkle out

Dreaming of things that were, now gone

we never thought we’d live without

Author's Note

To Lucy Hamilton of Ireland. Brightest star in the Northern sky.

Reviews

[Charles]

And what is life that it can be better than life hereafter? The message here is clear and flows pretty well from stanza to stanza. The lines of the first two stanzas, though, don't really follow each other well - they seem non sequiturs. I think the continuity would be stronger if you stuck to one pronoun instead of bouncing around among I, you, we. The use of 'was/were, now gone' is the strong point of the poem from a technical point of view, also esthetically pleasing to the ear. The closing stanza is the best by far. :-)

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

this makes me think of a mother's love and her child's loss.
it really touched me as i lost someone so dear 2 years ago in July..
someone i thought i could never live without.. i do tho it is not the same..also makes me think of a lover lost too.. it is touching and heart felt.
a beautiful poignant poem as well as song ..
peace
Chloe

[Hanan_Maliah]

i adore that you would hang in the sky...such a star that you are...and just wish to listen...
you always manage to make me smile even as a tear falls from a broken heart...

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

wow. Very emotional. Sweet poem.

[Katie Louise Hughes]

That was nice. Thanks :)

[Doreen]

Very well done. I like this very much. Again, you write a powerful poem filled with an important message. Nice.

[Bette]

i really like this you did a great job!

[WriterSki7]

A poem written in honor of life. A classic example of the atypical ABAB rhyme, unlike the ABCB usually wrote in (from my experiance, of course). A work of art as vibrant as life itself. Well done.

[MusicJunkie66]

Your poems are always so breath-taking. And I loved the font, it was beautiful!!!

[Coyote Poetry]

Poem is beautiful. We learn too late that we should of held on and begs for more time and forgiveness. I like this poem. We all fall down and wish for things lost. A outstanding poem.
Coyote