Friendly Lass

 

 

 

 

 

 ______________________

I strolled aside the storming sea.

Waves cascading by the shore.

Dreamed a dream that could not be.

Said they to me dream no more.

_______________________________ 

I screamed at heaven "I'll sail the sea".

"To the lands from where you came".

"Ocean breezes shall blow from me".

"The memory of your name".

 _______________________________

But stubborn was my imagination.

Tried to quell my aching heart.

Instead it brought you from creation.

And then my life it would start.

________________________________ 

You would love the whole of me.

With all I am you're seeing.

Love who I am before thee.

Care for me in all my being.

 ________________________________

I want to die while you love me.

When yet you’d hold me fair.

While laughter is within thee.

Lights twinkling in the night air.

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Tate 

 

 

Reviews

[Charles]

I like this style of writing from your hand... easy to read and on a subject that I focus on quite a bit. At the very beginning, I wonder whether beside is a better word than aside - just a question. The first stanza (which I like a lot, by the way) illustrates something I mentioned in another review: the last line of the stanza has a contrivance (inversion of usual subject-verb sequence): said they to me. Here it is very effective and flows nicely... the masculine sound helps the meter. I wouldn't think the quotation mark and period after me in the second stanza is necessary, but can magine why they're there. The rhyming sequence is good - it depends a lot on a couple of words, but that is hardly noticable. Good work.

[Rogelio Chavez]

Great poem, love it. It was beautiful. You have a good choice of word.

[Lilly]

very beautiful - love the dreamlike fell this piece has - love the third stanza

great work here

[MusicJunkie66]

so descriptive, emotional and lovely. great job once again =D

[An owl on the moon]

What a beautiful, moving, dreamish piece that creates the sense of the deepest desires for love fulfilled. In your wishes you bring us into a glorious place of life...

[Hanan_Maliah]

Ah whimsical love....I feel energy in this and am almost able to set sail myself...a sea of life...you have, as always, captured one's mind and allowed it to feel suspended along with one's very breath

[deeps]

This is ever so brillant and lovely!
Love the layout and the rhyme scheme.
Wonderful flow and meaning in this write!

[C. Porter]

Excellent, as always:)
My favorite is the last line.

[Bette]

well done great flow and word choice!

[Domenic Luciani]

I thought the whole thing was amazingly well written, but I especially like the first few stanza's, the detail with the waves was really well done. Good write!