Friendly Lass

 

 

 

 

 

 ______________________

I strolled aside the storming sea.

Waves cascading by the shore.

Dreamed a dream that could not be.

Said they to me dream no more.

_______________________________ 

I screamed at heaven "I'll sail the sea".

"To the lands from where you came".

"Ocean breezes shall blow from me".

"The memory of your name".

 _______________________________

But stubborn was my imagination.

Tried to quell my aching heart.

Instead it brought you from creation.

And then my life it would start.

________________________________ 

You would love the whole of me.

With all I am you're seeing.

Love who I am before thee.

Care for me in all my being.

 ________________________________

I want to die while you love me.

When yet you’d hold me fair.

While laughter is within thee.

Lights twinkling in the night air.

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Tate 

 

 

Reviews

[Charles]

I like this style of writing from your hand... easy to read and on a subject that I focus on quite a bit. At the very beginning, I wonder whether beside is a better word than aside - just a question. The first stanza (which I like a lot, by the way) illustrates something I mentioned in another review: the last line of the stanza has a contrivance (inversion of usual subject-verb sequence): said they to me. Here it is very effective and flows nicely... the masculine sound helps the meter. I wouldn't think the quotation mark and period after me in the second stanza is necessary, but can magine why they're there. The rhyming sequence is good - it depends a lot on a couple of words, but that is hardly noticable. Good work.

[Poetic Beauty]

this is a beautiful poem. I have only been on vacation by the ocean once in my life and it splendid. I actually got to see a lightening storm over the ocean while there and it was truly beautiful and amazing. This poem is deep and the flow is so smooth. Another great write from you.

[Nayan]

Seemed like a divine poem to me! Reminded me of some of Rabindra Nath Tagore's works. Loved it very much Tate

[Star Wolf]

Wanting to be loved completely and for who you are. Seems something we all would like to have.

[little lily Bride of Ch..]

Very Sad yet Romantic. nice write

[The Analog Kid]

Dreamy quality. I love the use of the sea here. Aching for love to be fufilled. Beautiful.

[George Love]

Stylistically, this is an excellent work. You bring out images few would miss and that is one of the strongest points here. Well done.

[Jenny Nelson]

"I wanted to die while you love me. When yet you’d hold me fair."
What a wonderful and powerful line. Love the sad, ethereal feel of this piece.

[Kelley]

Very sadly romantic. I love the sea and
to put it in a poem like this was great
Love can kill ya sometimes if your not careful ....smiles
The rhyme was perfect and flowed like wine.

[Brandon]

Very nicely done great piece.

[Tina Kline]

A romantic love poem with a dreamlike quality to it. Very nicely done.