My Immortal Soul

I watch my son embark on life

and I wish him all the best

His way will be no easier

than it's been for all the rest

 

The first child's life is the hardest

as they blaze their new found trails

Upon their shoulders rides the weight

of siblings, hopes and travails

 

An old woman once asked of me

as she touched upon my fears

"What do you want your son to be

when he reaches adult years"

 

I thought a while then with a smile

said that"happy" was my goal

"There might be hope for mankind yet

and for your immortal soul"

We might just ask too much of each

newly born generation

 Expecting them to build upon

the previous foundation

 

It's pride that tweaks our vanity

in damned pride our soul believes

Why is it only through this pain

that by love, our soul relieves

  I'll have that old woman to thank

when I swim the great expanse

There I'll make for the distant bank

where fate may grant me that chance

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Author's Note

The weight we place upon the shoulders of our children is also a heavy burden we carry upon our own souls. Knowing they will try to reach those expectations, whose fault is it really but ours if they cannot? We give them the gift of life. Then try to lead by example. However we can only hope we have done well by them and headed them in the right direction. Let happiness be your guide!

Reviews

[zainul]

I dedicate my reverence to Tate Morgan who presented this masterpiece for the community of humans engaging their talent and time in WritersCafe.
This poem has envisaged a popular discussion which has already earned about 80 reviews ans 800 views.
I feel proud that Tate has become in his right a great preacher for the good of family,children,tradition and heritage.
Reading all the amazing reviews,I am convinced to say that the world still belongs to pure human beings,not to the fictional characters like vampires,wolves,ghosts and aliens.
Family bondage,love among parents and children,social norms and values and responsibility of parents to their children and vice versa still make the world moving like an entity.
Tate created this poem instilling all good characters of good poem with rhymes which he specifically mentioned in his note.This is a lesson for all of us who choose perfection.
He tried to add other elements to amuse his readers too.The portrait of a happy child in a field of cereal makes me so happy that I feel myself in the paradise.
The addition of wonderful music video to entertain the readers reflects his taste of classical heart.
I agree with all reviewers what have been noted here for the benefit of our children.I strongly feel
that this poem along with its precious reviews is a great symbol of benevolent poetry.

[Tate Morgan]

What could I say to that fine review that wasn't felt in the reading of it? Truly a genuine and benevolent gift .I I feel honored and humbly thank you
Tate

[zainul]

I feel honored that you have accepted this humble review.
Thank you very much.

[Priscilla Sayers]

This is beautiful Tate! The sincerity, the depth, the lesson... if only all humankind would live inside that type of pure and absolute love, well, what a revolutional experience that would be! Such love is hoped to be contagious, yet how do we infect a world where many, so many never have been touched by this love... breathtaking dear friend!

[Carolann Dowsett]

I think happy is the best wish we could ever have for our children. Another beautiful write.

[Mark Anthony Games (Hum..]

My Immortal Soul
(Review for Change the World Competition) I really like this work, The subject could be interpreted as downbeat, however the rhythm of the work keeps you happy despite the dangers of the subject. For this reason I increased the original score of 5 out of 10 for art upon my second read. You also scored highly in Flow and Honesty. I did feel a slight dip midway through, but I had the indication that this could well represent the pause is contemplation that the soul may experience upon the journey you described, and I liked that concept alot.

[Becky C Strukamp]

Outstanding write Tate. You struck right at the core of what we expect of our children. This is an amazing piece. I loved it.

[Aya]

Upon their shoulders rides the weight
of siblings, hopes and travails.
i believe this sums it up..for children great expectations sometimes make them question if they had the ability in them to accomplish what is expected. what parents should actually do is to inject confident and knowledge of each kid's limits with love first then direct them to what they believe they can accomplish.
best wishes for further success.

[Enu Balogun]

"We might just ask too much of each


newly born generation

Expecting them to build upon

the previous foundation"

I think every parent should read this. In the community I'm in there is so much pressure for the child to be great, that at times when you ask them of their dreams, they often say that they have no choice but to make their parents happy. But then I think, will your parents still be happy if you are miserable? What happened once you achieve what they wanted? Then what?

[Tate Morgan]

It helps to remember it is their life not your own.

[roarke]

said in your inimitable style Tate. This I think we all believe, in our own views of a perfect world in contrast to that world outside, the one we didn't make directly by hand.... at a point we all make our way, good or bad, expected or unexpected. There's parts that not even our genetic contributions can render help to.
It's the inspiration in between, the learned and recognized self confidence that takes on it's own responsibility and individual importance. And we will be there also, that kind of being there that neither can help nor hinder, but just is as we are part of them.

[Angelica Marie]

wow such a beautiful poem! Really loved it. Happiness is always the greatest of goals. Every parent should teach their children to aspire such a goal.

[外人 (Gaiji..]

Just one word: Wise !! This poem is so full of wise words, wise thoughts ... a wise plot, great ! See the touch of your friend on your style, no matter what you two write I always feel like a wise old man was telling me a story with some hidden teaching behind :)

[Patrick]

moving piece sir..not sure if If any review can follow the featured one though :)