snuffed out of m e

mockingbird song

The heart is crying in my chest

for years of being dimmed and shut off

I remember my mom yelling at me to shut the fk up 

and everyone laughing at how loud and alive I am 

telling me to stop moving so much 

to stop dancing so much 

so in turn 

I learned to mute my soul

but never fully

I still learned to ask 

to shout if I need to 

And when I would ask 

the rabbis would call me names

rebellious

Influencing others down the wrong path

so too now in my "homeland"

waking up to all the lies I was told

feeling my life come back into y body

for the first time

go to the beach

stand by the ocean

I understand her waves

Her passion

her depth 

nature understands me

more than the people that I was around for so long

but now I am free of them

learning how to find myself

and how to be a human being

for the first time in my life

hugging my inner child

Coming home to myself

for the first time

it feels like 

what it feels like to be free

to dance all the time

to sing

to express myself

something that 

was always tried

to be shamed out of me

but I am stubborn 

even in my oppression

I was healing

now I am stubbornly 

getting out of my pain

and choosing a new life. 

For me 

especially me

it's about time.