Falling

Written in high school, but I still like it.

Glass raindrops

without light cannot

sparkle

without air cannot

float.

Showers upon

upturned face

not crying now

not breathing

not daring to blink.

Glass rains

standing in the end

of the world

shouting at the end

of one girl.

Crying out

a crying shout

gets it all out

gets its all away

robs me of

everything

i ever wanted

to say.

This glass rain

falls on

the Queen

of all reality

of no reality

and it is night

in the dark

and deep

of the promises that

we still keep.

Author's Note

Suggestions for improvements are welcome.

Reviews

[SPINNING ON that dizzy ..]

I like this quite a bit. Very visual and moving. The poem itself looks like it is falling! It is almost like a twist like an glistening icicle..... Rain and sadness and contemplative..... good write

[Bennett Logan]

I really like this poem. The glass raindrips definately stood out to me. I could almost hear them. I also thought that the staccato lines work well for the poem as well. It truly reads as falling, so the title, therefore, completely lives up to its name.

The only suggestion I have has to do with the ending. Something about it didn't work for me and I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe a sense of finality would work in this case... Describe the draindrops colliding with the ground/other surfaces (in a dramatic fashion, of course, as they're glass).

Have a good one, and definately keep up the good work.

[miamia]

Seems so many things are falling in your poem. The only thing not falling is your creativity. I like our style.

[Silent Kim aka mizmetap..]

Well written, orginal and creative. Title fits, rain falls, tears fall, night falls and sometimes our world seems to fall. Very well expressed.

[Tessa]

what i love best about your poems is the repeated words and subtle rhymes. reading it, it's a lot like spoken word. :-) i like it.